Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.

If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, “Ted, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age. – Robert Frost

You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. – Bob Hope

When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.

If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred. – George Burns

A diplomatic husband said to his wife: How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. -Robert Frost

My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of  our Lord-only-knows!

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.

Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can’t speak for my twin sister.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, a Happy Birthday.

Looking fifty is great – if you are sixty.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.

Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.

To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty. ~ Robert Frost

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Looking fifty is great – if you are sixty.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.

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