I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-Rita Rudner.

Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, the the other, to let her have it.
-Lyndon B. Johnson.

Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotion but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.
-W. H. Auden.

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”.
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”
-Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy “You’re
lucky, mine’s still alive.”
-  Anonymous

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs
with me.
-  Anonymous

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
     1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
     2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.         
-Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to
forget it once…      
- Anonymous

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
- Milton Berle

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to answer…is, “What does a woman want?
-  Sigmund Freud

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
-David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than
to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;
they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
-Hemant Joshi

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take
time to go to a restaurant two times a week.  A little candlelight,
dinner,soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
- Henry Youngman

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
-Sam Kinison

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
-James Holt McGavran

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me
and the second one didn’t.
-Patrick Murray

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield

SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH……AND
Submitted By: Mike – Thanks- Submit a Quote/Saying

 

“A wedding is a start of togetherness…
of walks in the rain,
basking in the sunshine,
shared meals,
caring for one another
and
sensing the love that a marriage carries”

 

 

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. -Germaine Greer

We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. – Sam Keen

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to answer…is, “What does a woman want?
-  Sigmund Freud

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
 That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.             
-David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.         
- Sacha Guitry

Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful molder of human destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that poor little State- and Church-begotten weed, marriage?
-EMMA GOLDMAN

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-  Anonymous

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.  A little candlelight, dinner,soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”            
- Henry Youngman

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. – Henny Youngman

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
-James Holt McGavran

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…              
 Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.            
- Milton Berle

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
-GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.            
- Anonymous

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”
-Anonymous

 First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

I have always considered marriage as the most interesting event of one’s life, the foundation of happiness or misery.
-GEORGE WASHINGTON

A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.
-FRANK SINATRA

Getting married is like permanently grafting your hand to the cookie jar. No matter how sweet those cookies may taste, you can’t help but wonder what would have happened if you’d chosen some other dessert–brownies, for instance … or frozen yogurt … or maybe chocolate strudel.
-JEROME P. CRABB

 Wives are young men’s mistresses, companions for middle age, and old men’s nurses.
-FRANCIS BACON
Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart.
-NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE, The Scarlet Letter

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life.
-JANE AUSTEN, Pride and Prejudice

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
-OSCAR WILDE, A Woman of No Importance

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me  and the second one didn’t.”
-Patrick Murray

 Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
     1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
     2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
             
-Nash

My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.
-Socrates:

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
-Groucho Marx“The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.” -H.V. Prochnow

“I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.” -Lyndon B. Johnson

“My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.” -Unknown

“Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain’t so hot.” -Minnie Pearl

“Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.”
-Maryon Pearson

“They say love is blind…and marriage is an institution. Well, I’m not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.” -Mae West

“Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.” -H.L. Mencken

“A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.”
-Zsa Zsa Gabor

“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” -Rodney Dangerfield

“No married man is genuinely happy if he has to drink worse whisky than he used to drink when he was single.” -H.L. Mencken

“A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.” -Grace Hansen

“If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.”-Lawrence Housman

“My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they’ll never get all the pennies out of the pot.” -Armistead Maupin

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” -Erma Bombeck

“I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.” -Lewis Grizzard

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” -James Holt McGavran

“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” -Raymond Hull

“Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give.” -Cass Daley

“Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join.” -Elbert Hubbard

“The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.” -Groucho Marx

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.”
-Henny Youngman

“When a man opens the car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” -Prince Philip

“A husband’s last words should always be, OK buy it.” -Unknown

“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” -Jimmy Durante

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” -Rita Rudner

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.” -James Holt McGavran

“Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.” -Evelyn Hendrickson

“One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.” -Judith Viorst

“My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I’d hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit.”
-Jerry Hall

“I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night.” -Marie Corelli

“Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.” -Unknown

“Women hope men will change after marriage but they don’t; men hope women won’t change but they do.” -Bettina Arndt

“Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.” -Helen Rowland

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” -Henny Youngman

“If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.” -Katharine Hepburn

“It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.” -Robert Frost

“The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.” -Oscar Wilde

“I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.” -Max Kauffmann

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
-Henry Youngman