I wish I was a kid again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts.

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food… She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet? I dunno!

The truth will set you free…but first, it will make you miserable.

The Moral Majority is neither.

Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master.

A man’s reach should exceed its grasp.

Well, at least the war on the environment is going well.

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.

One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.