What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Then there was the golfer who was sentenced to be hanged. He asked the warden if he could take a few practice swings first.

Death is Nature’s way of saying ‘slow down’.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.

Why? Because I said so, damn it. Now go to your room.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!

Making an easy fifty ain’t too easy when the kid tells the teacher you stole his wallet.

Did you hear about the midget that overdosed on Viagra? He’s a little stiff now.

Going the speed of light is bad for your age.