Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

If at first you don’t succeed… you’re doing about average.

You know how it is when you’re reading a book and falling asleep, you’re reading, reading… and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I’m like that all the time.

There’s no place like 127.0.0.1

A lie has no legs to stand on, but it gets places.

If all else fails, read the directions.

Business truth: After any unit has been completely assembled, extra components will be found on the bench.

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds” when they know there is not enough?

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.