YOU: Sorry i am ALLERGIC BULLSHIT

If swimming is great exercise, explain whales to me?

So my imaginary friend told me today that your imaginary friend stole their crayons and called them a hoe..is that true?

Isn’t it ironic how McDonald’s always have wide doors?

I wonder how many times do I have to hit snooze before my alarm clock finally gives up?!?

“I think my thinking thinks thoughts that thought they think they’re thinking when I’m thinking “. I thought i think my thoughts, but I thought wrong”

wonders why people stare at you when they catch you talking to yourself… EXCUSE ME but I’m having a conversation here.!

When you and your significant other is having an argument, just take all of your clothes off during the spat an stand there. Something is bound to happen.

is having one of those days where i just want to light somebodys face on fire and try putting it out with a fork!!