It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
-Dave Barry

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not. – Mark Twain

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
-A. Whitney Brown