Funny quotes compell you to smile. It decreases  your bill on medicines. Once a boy was appointed to protect a girls hostel at an undisclosed salary. Three months completed but he didn’t demanded salary. He was asked ‘You don’t need salary’. He replied ‘Shall I get salary also’. Samjhe kuchh.

1)   I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

2)   Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!

3)   It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

4)   Son, employees are like mules. Some you stand in front of and coax them along with a carrot. Some you stand behind and kick them in the ass. The key to managemeant is knowing which mules are which.

5)   Sex is nature, and I believe in going along with nature.
– Marilyn Monroe

6)   Forget health clinics and gyms. Sex is the best cure. One good night of sex and your problems are gone.
– Grace Jones

7)   “I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.”

8)   “To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I’ve done it a thousand times.”
Short funny quotes, Mark Twain.

9)   “Honolulu – it’s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife’s mother.”

10)   “An incompetent lawyer can delay a trial for months or years. A competent lawyer can delay one even longer.”
-Evelle Younger.

11)  “A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns.”
Mario Puzo.

12)  At Christmas, all roads lead home.

13)  Money can’t buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.

14)  Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.