A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”.
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”
-Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy “You’re
lucky, mine’s still alive.”
-  Anonymous

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs
with me.
-  Anonymous

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
     1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
     2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.         
-Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to
forget it once…      
- Anonymous

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
- Milton Berle

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to answer…is, “What does a woman want?
-  Sigmund Freud

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
-David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than
to let him keep her.
- Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;
they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
-Hemant Joshi

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take
time to go to a restaurant two times a week.  A little candlelight,
dinner,soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
- Henry Youngman

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
-Sam Kinison

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It’s called marriage.
-James Holt McGavran

I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me
and the second one didn’t.
-Patrick Murray

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Rodney Dangerfield

SEND THIS TO ALL THE GUYS TO GIVE THEM A GOOD LAUGH……AND
Submitted By: Mike – Thanks- Submit a Quote/Saying

 

Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they
are always watching you.–Robert Fulghum

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.
-Theodore Hesburgh

Marriages are made in heaven and are consummated on earth.
-Unknown

Hail wedded love, mysterious law, true source Of human offspring
-John Milton quotes

Marriage is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important
-Lisa Hoffman quotes

My dad always asks my wife, “Is he treating you right?” It reminds me of my responsibility to be a good husband.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener!
-Unknown

The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What  ..does a woman want?”
- Freud

Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late.

The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.
-Peter De Vries

I love being married.  It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
-Rita Rudner

Marriage, n.  A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two.
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, 1911

Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the
enemy.

- Gary Busey

The more you invest in a marriage, the more valuable it becomes.
-Unknown

“A wedding is a start of togetherness…
of walks in the rain,
basking in the sunshine,
shared meals,
caring for one another
and
sensing the love that a marriage carries”

 

 

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. -Germaine Greer

We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. – Sam Keen

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
- Dumas

The great question… which I have not been able to answer…is, “What does a woman want?
-  Sigmund Freud

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
 That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.             
-David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.         
- Sacha Guitry

Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful molder of human destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that poor little State- and Church-begotten weed, marriage?
-EMMA GOLDMAN

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
-  Anonymous

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week.  A little candlelight, dinner,soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”            
- Henry Youngman

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. – Henny Youngman

“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
-James Holt McGavran

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…              
 Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Henny Youngman

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.            
- Milton Berle

Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity.
-GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.            
- Anonymous

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”
-Anonymous

 First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

I have always considered marriage as the most interesting event of one’s life, the foundation of happiness or misery.
-GEORGE WASHINGTON

A man doesn’t know what happiness is until he’s married. By then it’s too late.
-FRANK SINATRA

Getting married is like permanently grafting your hand to the cookie jar. No matter how sweet those cookies may taste, you can’t help but wonder what would have happened if you’d chosen some other dessert–brownies, for instance … or frozen yogurt … or maybe chocolate strudel.
-JEROME P. CRABB

 Wives are young men’s mistresses, companions for middle age, and old men’s nurses.
-FRANCIS BACON
Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with it the utmost passion of her heart.
-NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE, The Scarlet Letter

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation; and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life.
-JANE AUSTEN, Pride and Prejudice

Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
-OSCAR WILDE, A Woman of No Importance

“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me  and the second one didn’t.”
-Patrick Murray

 Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
     1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it,
     2. Whenever you’re right, shut up.
             
-Nash

My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.
-Socrates: