Albert Ellis Famous Quotes & Sayings

100 Albert Ellis Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

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Stop shoulding on yourself Albert Ellis Sayings: Stop shoulding on yourself
Annabel, one of my clients who cherished her perfectionism because she felt that it made her a fine writer and an excellent mother, was having a hard time with some of David Burns's teachings against perfectionism in his book, Feeling Good. Dr. Burns, she thought, told her to give up all ideal goals and stick only to realistic and average ones. Then she couldn't be disappointed or depressed. Albert Ellis Sayings: Annabel, one of my clients who cherished her perfectionism because she felt that it made
Fat is a barrier, a bellicose statement to others that, to some, justifies hostility in kind. The world says to the fat person, "Your fatness is an affront to me, so we have the right to treat you as offensively as you appear." Fat is not merely viewed as another type of tissue, but as a diagnostic sign, a personal statement, and a measure of personality. Too little fat and we see you as being antisocial, fearful and sexless. Too much fat and we see you as slothful, stupid, and sexually hung up. Albert Ellis Sayings: Fat is a barrier, a bellicose statement to others that, to some, justifies hostility in
Is self-esteem a sickness? That's according to the way you define it. In the usual way it is defined by people and by psychologists, I'd say that it is probably the greatest emotional disturbance known to man and woman. Albert Ellis Sayings: Is self-esteem a sickness? That's according to the way you define it. In the usual
Needing leads to bleeding - to almost all inevitable suffering. Albert Ellis Sayings: Needing leads to bleeding - to almost all inevitable suffering.
Men are not disturbed by things, but by the views which they take of them Albert Ellis Sayings: Men are not disturbed by things, but by the views which they take of them
Failure doesn't have anything to do with your intrinsic value as a person. Albert Ellis Sayings: Failure doesn't have anything to do with your intrinsic value as a person.
In fact most of what we call anxiety is overconcern about what someone thinks of you. Albert Ellis Sayings: In fact most of what we call anxiety is overconcern about what someone thinks of
I thought foolishly that Freudian psychoanalysis was deeper and more intensive than other, more directive forms of therapy, so I was trained in it and practiced it. Albert Ellis Sayings: I thought foolishly that Freudian psychoanalysis was deeper and more intensive than other, more directive
If people stopped looking on their emotions as ethereal, almost inhuman processes, and realistically viewed them as being largely composed of perceptions, thoughts, evaluations, and internalized sentences, they would find it quite possible to work calmly and concertedly at changing them. Albert Ellis Sayings: If people stopped looking on their emotions as ethereal, almost inhuman processes, and realistically viewed
We can actually put the essence of neurosis in a single word: blaming - or damning. Albert Ellis Sayings: We can actually put the essence of neurosis in a single word: blaming - or
Too many people are unaware that it is not outer events or circumstances that will create happiness; rather, it is our perception of events and of ourselves that will create, or uncreate, positive emotions. Albert Ellis Sayings: Too many people are unaware that it is not outer events or circumstances that will
I wrote several articles criticizing psychoanalysis, but the analysts weren't listening to my objections. So I finally quit after practicing it for six years. Albert Ellis Sayings: I wrote several articles criticizing psychoanalysis, but the analysts weren't listening to my objections. So
I'm very happy. I like my work and the various aspects of it - going around the world, teaching the gospel according to St. Albert. Albert Ellis Sayings: I'm very happy. I like my work and the various aspects of it - going
People got insights into what was bothering them, but they hardly did a damn thing to change. Albert Ellis Sayings: People got insights into what was bothering them, but they hardly did a damn thing
I started to call myself a rational therapist in 1955; later I used the term rational emotive. Now I call myself a rational emotive behavior therapist. Albert Ellis Sayings: I started to call myself a rational therapist in 1955; later I used the term
I think the future of psychotherapy and psychology is in the school system. We need to teach every child how to rarely seriously disturb himself or herself and how to overcome disturbance when it occurs. Albert Ellis Sayings: I think the future of psychotherapy and psychology is in the school system. We need
If you prefer to perform well and want to be accepted by others, you are concerned that you will fail and be rejected. Your healthy concern encourages you to act competently and nicely. But if you devoutly believe that you absolutely, under all conditions, must perform well and that you have to be accepted by others, you will then tend to make yourself - yes, make yourself - panicked if you don't perform as well as you supposedly must. Albert Ellis Sayings: If you prefer to perform well and want to be accepted by others, you are
The individual is taught that there is nothing that he as a total person is to feel ashamed of or self-hating for. Albert Ellis Sayings: The individual is taught that there is nothing that he as a total person is
You have only to exist as you do and to live your life as best you can. Albert Ellis Sayings: You have only to exist as you do and to live your life as best
Unless, of course, you insist on identifying yourself with the people and things you love; and thereby seriously disturb yourself. Albert Ellis Sayings: Unless, of course, you insist on identifying yourself with the people and things you love;
Whining about your own, others', or the world's failings is a main element in what we usually call neurosis. Albert Ellis Sayings: Whining about your own, others', or the world's failings is a main element in what
Attempts to help humans eliminate all self-ratings and views self-esteem as a self-defeating concept that encourages them to make conditional evaluations of self. Instead, it teaches people unconditional self-acceptance. Albert Ellis Sayings: Attempts to help humans eliminate all self-ratings and views self-esteem as a self-defeating concept that
What luck! If the theories of Epictetus, Karen Horney (who first talked about the "tyranny of the shoulds"), Alfred Korzybski (the founder of general semantics), and REBT are correct, you almost always bring on your emotional problems by rigidly adopting one of the basic methods of crooked thinking - musturbation. Therefore, if you understand how you upset yourself by slipping into irrational shoulds, oughts, demands, and commands, unconsciously sneaking them into your thinking, you can just about always stop disturbing yourself about anything. Albert Ellis Sayings: What luck! If the theories of Epictetus, Karen Horney (who first talked about the "tyranny
People and things do not upset us. Rather, we upset ourselves by believing that they can upset us. Albert Ellis Sayings: People and things do not upset us. Rather, we upset ourselves by believing that they
Reality is not so much what happens to us; rather, it is how we think about those events that create the reality we experience. In a very real sense, this means that we each create the reality in which we live. Albert Ellis Sayings: Reality is not so much what happens to us; rather, it is how we think
Evolution is arranged so that a species survives, not so that it will be happy while it survives. Albert Ellis Sayings: Evolution is arranged so that a species survives, not so that it will be happy
By honestly acknowledging your past errors, but never damning yourself for them, you can learn to use your past for your own future benefit. Albert Ellis Sayings: By honestly acknowledging your past errors, but never damning yourself for them, you can learn
This, perhaps, goes to show that conditional self-esteem, as I have said for many years, is an insidious, real sickness, so much so that even Buddhists carelessly sneak it in and sometimes encourage their clients to achieve it. Albert Ellis Sayings: This, perhaps, goes to show that conditional self-esteem, as I have said for many years,
You mainly feel the way you think. Albert Ellis Sayings: You mainly feel the way you think.
People are terrified of other people or difficult projects because they tell themselves that they could fail or be rejected. Failure can lead to sorrow, regret, frustration and annoyance-all healthy feelings without which people couldn't exist. Albert Ellis Sayings: People are terrified of other people or difficult projects because they tell themselves that they
The concept of deservingness for one's "sins" implies that certain acts are unquestionably under all conditions "sinful." And this is impossible to prove. Albert Ellis Sayings: The concept of deservingness for one's "sins" implies that certain acts are unquestionably under all
To err is human; to forgive people and yourself for poor behavior is to be sensible and realistic. Albert Ellis Sayings: To err is human; to forgive people and yourself for poor behavior is to be
People could rationally decide that prolonged relationships take up too much time and effort and that they'd much rather do other kinds of things. But most people are afraid of rejection. Albert Ellis Sayings: People could rationally decide that prolonged relationships take up too much time and effort and
The emotionally mature individual should completely accept the fact that we live in a world of probability and chance, where there are not, nor probably ever will be, any absolute certainties, and should realize that it is not at all horrible, indeed - such a probabilistic, uncertain world. Albert Ellis Sayings: The emotionally mature individual should completely accept the fact that we live in a world
I think it's unfair, but they have the right as fallible, screwed-up humans to be unfair; that's the human condition. Albert Ellis Sayings: I think it's unfair, but they have the right as fallible, screwed-up humans to be
If you would stop, really stop, damning yourself, others, and unkind conditions, you would find it almost impossible to upset yourself emotionally - about anything. Yes, anything. Albert Ellis Sayings: If you would stop, really stop, damning yourself, others, and unkind conditions, you would find
Rational beliefs bring us closer to getting good results in the real world. Albert Ellis Sayings: Rational beliefs bring us closer to getting good results in the real world.
The expense of making yourself panicked, enraged, and self-pitying is enormous. In time and money lost. In needless effort spent. In uncalled-for mental anguish. In sabotaging others' happiness. In foolishly frittering away potential joy during the one life - yes, the one life - you'll probably ever have. Albert Ellis Sayings: The expense of making yourself panicked, enraged, and self-pitying is enormous. In time and money
To help people achieve the three basic REBT philosophies of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and unconditional life-acceptance, cognitive, emotional, and behavioral methods, which are described in this monograph, are used. Albert Ellis Sayings: To help people achieve the three basic REBT philosophies of unconditional self-acceptance, unconditional other-acceptance, and
Freud had a gene for inefficiency, and I think I have a gene for efficiency. Albert Ellis Sayings: Freud had a gene for inefficiency, and I think I have a gene for efficiency.
For many years now I have had the quaint idea that all humans-yes, the whole six billion of them on this planet-are out of their fucking minds. Albert Ellis Sayings: For many years now I have had the quaint idea that all humans-yes, the whole
By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed. Albert Ellis Sayings: By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself
Most people would have given up when faced with all the criticism I've received over the years. Albert Ellis Sayings: Most people would have given up when faced with all the criticism I've received over
The great majority of the things we now make ourselves panicked about are self-created 'dangers' that exist almost entirely in our own imaginations. Albert Ellis Sayings: The great majority of the things we now make ourselves panicked about are self-created 'dangers'
The trouble with most therapy is that it helps you feel better. But you don't get better. You have to back it up with action, action, action. Albert Ellis Sayings: The trouble with most therapy is that it helps you feel better. But you don't
You never truly need what you want. That is the main and thoroughgoing key to serenity. Albert Ellis Sayings: You never truly need what you want. That is the main and thoroughgoing key to
The attitude of unconditional self-acceptance is probably the most important variable in their long-term recovery. Albert Ellis Sayings: The attitude of unconditional self-acceptance is probably the most important variable in their long-term recovery.
So I'd better stop my whining and help myself cope better with even the worst Adversities. Albert Ellis Sayings: So I'd better stop my whining and help myself cope better with even the worst
The easy way out is often just that-the 'easy' way out of the most rewarding lifestyle. Albert Ellis Sayings: The easy way out is often just that-the 'easy' way out of the most rewarding
If I had been a member of the academic establishment, I could have done other experiments. Albert Ellis Sayings: If I had been a member of the academic establishment, I could have done other
The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence. Albert Ellis Sayings: The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence.
You have considerable power to construct self-helping thoughts, feelings and actions as well as to construct self-defeating behaviors. You have the ability, if you use it, to choose healthy instead of unhealthy thinking, feeling and acting. Albert Ellis Sayings: You have considerable power to construct self-helping thoughts, feelings and actions as well as to
People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware. Albert Ellis Sayings: People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware.
insight will help you very little. Albert Ellis Sayings: insight will help you very little.
There's no evidence whatsoever that men are more rational than women. Both sexes seem to be equally irrational. Albert Ellis Sayings: There's no evidence whatsoever that men are more rational than women. Both sexes seem to
I had used eclectic therapy and behavior therapy on myself at the age of 19 to get over my fear of public speaking and of approaching young women in public. Albert Ellis Sayings: I had used eclectic therapy and behavior therapy on myself at the age of 19
I had a great many sex and love cases where people were absolutely devastated when somebody with whom they were compulsively in love didn't love them back. They were killing themselves with anxiety and depression. Albert Ellis Sayings: I had a great many sex and love cases where people were absolutely devastated when
And just as two wrongs don't make a right, rage against offenders is probably the worst way to try to correct them. Albert Ellis Sayings: And just as two wrongs don't make a right, rage against offenders is probably the
You largely constructed your depression. It wasn't given to you. Therefore, you can deconstruct it. Albert Ellis Sayings: You largely constructed your depression. It wasn't given to you. Therefore, you can deconstruct it.
REBT, then, helps you not only to understand what you "are" but to change what you harmfully think, feel, and do. It accepts your desires, wishes, preferences, goals, and values, then tries to help you achieve them. But REBT shows you how to separate your preferences from your insistences - and thus keep from sabotaging your own goals. It gives you insight into what you are now doing rather than into what you (and your damned parents!) have done. Albert Ellis Sayings: REBT, then, helps you not only to understand what you "are" but to change what
There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat me well . And the world must be easy. Albert Ellis Sayings: There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat
The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny. Albert Ellis Sayings: The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems
Whenever you have strong negative feelings because unfortunate things are actually happening to you or you imagine that they might occur, see whether these feelings healthfully follow from your wishes and desires to have better things occur. Or are you creating them by going beyond your preferences and inventing powerful shoulds, oughts, musts, demands, commands, and necessities? If so, you are turning concern and caution into overconcern, severe anxiety, and panic. Observe the real difference in your feelings! Albert Ellis Sayings: Whenever you have strong negative feelings because unfortunate things are actually happening to you or
As a result of my philosophy, I wasn't even upset about Hitler. I was willing to go to war to knock him off, but I didn't hate him. I hated what he was doing. Albert Ellis Sayings: As a result of my philosophy, I wasn't even upset about Hitler. I was willing
If human emotions largely result from thinking, then one may appreciably control one's feelings by controlling one's thoughts - or by changing the internalized sentences, or self-talk, with which one largely created the feeling in the first place. Albert Ellis Sayings: If human emotions largely result from thinking, then one may appreciably control one's feelings by
Even injustice has it's good points. It gives me the challenge of being as happy as I can in an unfair world. Albert Ellis Sayings: Even injustice has it's good points. It gives me the challenge of being as happy
It is only in your mind that you have to excel, at anything or everything. Of course, it would be very nice to excel at most things. Indeed, we recommend that you try and do your best. But realistically, you are entitled to do the bare minimum to get by. All your accomplishments are just a bonus, something to enjoy, not requirements. You don't have to do anything to prove that you are worthy of existing. Albert Ellis Sayings: It is only in your mind that you have to excel, at anything or everything.
We had better rate our important parts-our thoughts, feelings, and actions-to see how they helped or hindered us. But-damn it!-we didn't have to rate our self, our being, our essence. Our self or personhood was too complex to be given a global rating. We could say, for practical reasons, it was "good"-meaning it helped us to live and enjoy. Or we could say that it just didn't have to be rated at all. Use our self but not rate it! Albert Ellis Sayings: We had better rate our important parts-our thoughts, feelings, and actions-to see how they helped
Keep my desires and goals in mind. Don't insist that they must or must not be fulfilled. Let me work unfrantically to achieve them. REBT Albert Ellis Sayings: Keep my desires and goals in mind. Don't insist that they must or must not
Even when people act nastily to you, don't condemn them or retaliate. Albert Ellis Sayings: Even when people act nastily to you, don't condemn them or retaliate.
Science is skeptical that the universe includes "deservingness" and "undeservingness" and that it deifies people (and things) for their "good" acts or damns them for their "bad" behavior. It does not have any absolute, universal standard of "good" and "bad" behavior and assumes that if any group sees certain deeds as "good" it will tend to (but doesn't have to) reward those who act that way and will often (but not always) penalize those who act "badly. Albert Ellis Sayings: Science is skeptical that the universe includes "deservingness" and "undeservingness" and that it deifies people
Religious creeds encourage some of the craziest kinds of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and favor severe manifestations of neurosis, borderline personality states, and sometimes even psychosis. Albert Ellis Sayings: Religious creeds encourage some of the craziest kinds of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and favor
If something is irrational, that means it won't work. It's usually unrealistic. Albert Ellis Sayings: If something is irrational, that means it won't work. It's usually unrealistic.
Religious fanaticism has clearly produced, and in all probability will continue to produce, enormous amounts of bickering, fighting, violence, bloodshed, homicide, feuds, wars, and genocide. Albert Ellis Sayings: Religious fanaticism has clearly produced, and in all probability will continue to produce, enormous amounts
The goal of all life is to have a ball. Albert Ellis Sayings: The goal of all life is to have a ball.
Being assertive does not mean attacking or ignoring others feelings. It means that you are willing to hold up for yourself fairly-without attacking others. Albert Ellis Sayings: Being assertive does not mean attacking or ignoring others feelings. It means that you are
I would have liked having children to some degree, but frankly I haven't got the time to take the kids to the goddamn ballgame. Albert Ellis Sayings: I would have liked having children to some degree, but frankly I haven't got the
Science, as I pointed out in the previous chapter, is flexible and nondogmatic. It sticks to facts and to reality (which always can change) and to logical thinking (which does not contradict itself and hold two opposite views at the same time). But it also avoids rigid all-or-none and either/or thinking and sees that reality is often two sided and includes contradictory events and characteristics. Thus, in my relations with you, I am not a totally good person or a bad person but a person who sometimes treats you well and sometimes treats you badly. Instead of viewing world events in a rigid, absolute way, science assumes that such events, and especially human affairs, usually follow the laws of probability. Albert Ellis Sayings: Science, as I pointed out in the previous chapter, is flexible and nondogmatic. It sticks
Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human. Albert Ellis Sayings: Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits,
Much of what we call emotion is nothing more or less than a certain kind - a biased, prejudiced, or strongly evaluative kind - of thought. Albert Ellis Sayings: Much of what we call emotion is nothing more or less than a certain kind
Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it's conditional. Albert Ellis Sayings: Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it's conditional.
Assume that most times when you feel anxious, depressed, or angry you are not only strongly desiring but also commanding that something go well and that you get what you want. Cherchez le should, cherchez le must! Look for your should, look for your must! Don't give up until you find it. If you have trouble finding it, seek the help of a friend, relative, or REBT therapist who will help you find it. Persist! Albert Ellis Sayings: Assume that most times when you feel anxious, depressed, or angry you are not only
Life is indeed difficult, partly because of the real difficulties we must overcome in order to survive, and partly because of our own innate desire to always do better, to overcome new challenges, to self-actualize. Happiness is experienced largely in striving towards a goal, not in having attained things, because our nature is always to want to go on to the next endeavor. Albert Ellis Sayings: Life is indeed difficult, partly because of the real difficulties we must overcome in order
Whatever may be, I am still largely the creator and ruler of my emotional destiny. Albert Ellis Sayings: Whatever may be, I am still largely the creator and ruler of my emotional destiny.
You create severe anxiety when you jump from inclination to musturbation. Albert Ellis Sayings: You create severe anxiety when you jump from inclination to musturbation.
You and many outstanding inventors and writers have striven for the ideal and have thereby helped yourself do remarkably well. REBT, therefore, does not oppose competition or striving for outstanding achievement. It advocates task-perfection, not self-perfection." "What does that mean?" "It means that you can try to be as good, or even as perfect, as you can - at any project or task. You can try to make it ideal. But you are not a good person if it is perfect. You are still a person who completed a perfect project, but never a good person for doing so." "How, then, do I become an incompetent or bad person?" "You don't! When you do incompetent or evil acts, you become a person who acted badly - never a bad person. Albert Ellis Sayings: You and many outstanding inventors and writers have striven for the ideal and have thereby
Strong feelings are fine; it's the overreactions that mess us up. Albert Ellis Sayings: Strong feelings are fine; it's the overreactions that mess us up.
I regret that I've been so busy with clinical work that I haven't been able to spend much time on experiments and outcome studies. Albert Ellis Sayings: I regret that I've been so busy with clinical work that I haven't been able
You can figure out by sheer logic that if you were only - and I mean only - to stay with your desires and preferences, and if you were never - and I mean never - to stray into unrealistic demands that your desires have to be fulfilled, you could very rarely disturb, really disturb, yourself about anything. Why? Because your preferences start off with, "I would very much like or prefer to have success, approval, or comfort," and then end with the conclusion, "But I don't have to have it. I won't die without it. And I could be happy (though not as happy) without it. Albert Ellis Sayings: You can figure out by sheer logic that if you were only - and I
In the old days we used to get more referrals, because people had insurance that paid for therapy. Now they belong to HMOs, and we can only be affiliated with a few HMOs. Albert Ellis Sayings: In the old days we used to get more referrals, because people had insurance that
Worrying about dying will hardly help you live. Albert Ellis Sayings: Worrying about dying will hardly help you live.
The more sinful and guilty a person tends to feel, the less chance there is that he will be a happy, healthy, or law-abiding citizen. He will become a compulsive wrong-doer. Albert Ellis Sayings: The more sinful and guilty a person tends to feel, the less chance there is
Having some support and the reassurance that my family, friends, or others will help me when I am anxious will often reduce my anxiety and panic. But because such support and reassurance may not exist or may not continue, I'd better not rely on it solely. I also had better gain self-confidence and self-support. 8. Albert Ellis Sayings: Having some support and the reassurance that my family, friends, or others will help me
If the Martians ever find out how human beings think, they'll kill themselves laughing. Albert Ellis Sayings: If the Martians ever find out how human beings think, they'll kill themselves laughing.
The emotionally sound person should be able to take risks, to ask himself what he really would like to do in life, and then to try to do this, even though he has to risk defeat or failure. He should be adventurous (though not necessarily foolhardy); be willing to try almost anything once, just to see how he likes it; and look forward to some breaks in his usual life routines. Albert Ellis Sayings: The emotionally sound person should be able to take risks, to ask himself what he
For that again, is what all manner of religion essentially is: childish dependency. Albert Ellis Sayings: For that again, is what all manner of religion essentially is: childish dependency.
Spirit and soul is horseshit of the worst sort. Obviously there are no fairies, no Santa Clauses, no spirits. What there is, is human goals and purposes as noted by sane existentialists. But a lot of transcendentalists are utter screwballs. Albert Ellis Sayings: Spirit and soul is horseshit of the worst sort. Obviously there are no fairies, no
I get people to truly accept themselves unconditionally, whether or not their therapist or anyone loves them. Albert Ellis Sayings: I get people to truly accept themselves unconditionally, whether or not their therapist or anyone
Worry itself is one of the most painful conditions. Albert Ellis Sayings: Worry itself is one of the most painful conditions.