Russell Howard Famous Quotes & Sayings

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25 Russell Howard Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

Russell Howard Sayings: I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl I lost my virginity under a bridge. I was having sex with this poor girl and I was trying my best, but I was like Scotland at a World Cup - just pleased to be there.
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Russell Howard Sayings: When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping. When you're three, you're into custard, and jumping.
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Russell Howard Sayings: Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are Kids did really well in their A levels, how do we respond? 'A Levels are getting easier, in my day you had to do fifty questions in a minute, if you got one wrong, they killed your dad!
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Russell Howard Sayings: Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life? Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?
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Russell Howard Sayings: Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU! Are you recycling? Are you!? You just killed a polar bear! YOU!
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Russell Howard Sayings: I've never said flange to a monkey! I've never said flange to a monkey!
Russell Howard Sayings: Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering Some people in England only have their wheelie bins collected once a fortnight. Their suffering is unimaginable.
Russell Howard Sayings: She's 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? "SHREDDER!! GET ME A She's 80 my nan, what do you want for your birthday? "SHREDDER!! GET ME A SHREDDER!!", what do you want a shredder for? "IDENTITY THEFT!!".
Russell Howard Sayings: Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'
Russell Howard Sayings: So my mum bought a jacuzzi, and I was in there along with my father So my mum bought a jacuzzi, and I was in there along with my father and my sister, when my mother decided it would be the ideal moment to say - 'Guess what everyone in this jacuzzi has in common? You've all sucked on my tits.'
Russell Howard Sayings: This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life! This bloke was so pissed, he thought his vomit had come to life!
Russell Howard Sayings: What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled! What's the opposite of opposite? Consider yourself bamboozled!
Russell Howard Sayings: If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just know there'd be headlines of 'Russell How-hard' in the newspapers.
Russell Howard Sayings: The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with The last time I saw African kids this excited, Madonna was at their school with a net.
Russell Howard Sayings: 'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're 'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'
Russell Howard Sayings: I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all.
Russell Howard Sayings: I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My I'm the munter of my friends. I've got wonky teeth and a lazy eye. My friend Rob is disgusted I'm a heart-throb.
Russell Howard Sayings: The Bible says gays arent natural. What, and a talking snake is?! The Bible says gays arent natural.
What, and a talking snake is?!
Russell Howard Sayings: With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: 'He looked With Michael Jackson, what I thought was really interesting was the people saying: 'He looked really well in that final video.' I was, like: 'No, he didn't - he looked like someone had melted goat's cheese over a sex doll.'
Russell Howard Sayings: I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off I like the authentic punk dance you did there. It's like a child dizzy off lemonade
Russell Howard Sayings: Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card - "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you."
Russell Howard Sayings: Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's Do you reckon the Queen has ever pulled a blanket up so just her head's showing and gone 'Philip, look at me! I'm a stamp!'
Russell Howard Sayings: Some bloke got put in prison for three days because he refused to stop kissing Some bloke got put in prison for three days because he refused to stop kissing his boyfriend on a plane flight to South Africa. How magic is that? You can't help but picturing him dressed entirely in latex, surrounded by a sea of hate. --"Alright, lads, I'm gonna make this flight fairly tense for you. Ramon, let's do the bad thing." *kissing sounds*
-"Stop doing that, mate, it's not natural!"
-"You're flying"
-"I'll have you put in prison!"
-"What, with men? Think it through.
Russell Howard Sayings: From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster!
Russell Howard Sayings: Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail Music's the best thing we do as humans, isn't it? Music, I mean you flail your limbs, make you move in a way you don't understand. Or it can make you weep like a sailor's wife staring at a storm.