Dark Humor Famous Quotes & Sayings

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100 Dark Humor Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

Dark Humor Sayings By Dark Jar Tin Zoo: We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the We made love like two people trying to make love like three people in the trunk of a car. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo
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Dark Humor Sayings By Dark Jar Tin Zoo: I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot. I love full on, like 65 mph in a handicapped parking spot. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo
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Dark Humor Sayings By David Sedaris: Low ceiling, stone walls, a dirt floor stamped with paw prints. I never go in Low ceiling, stone walls, a dirt floor stamped with paw prints. I never go in without announcing myself. 'Hyaa!' I yell. 'Hyaa. Hyaa!' It's the sound my father makes when entering his toolshed, the cry of cowboys as they round up dogies, and it suggests a certain degree of authority. Snakes, bats, weasels
it's time to head up and move on out. — David Sedaris
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Dark Humor Sayings By Lissa Matthews: Jaz is their drummer. He's pretty damn good too. Hell, he's pretty damn good at Jaz is their drummer. He's pretty damn good too. Hell, he's pretty damn good at everything he's ever tried. Creative little shit. — Lissa Matthews
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Dark Humor Sayings By Hunter S. Thompson: It is Nixon himself who represents that dark, venal and incurably violent side of the It is Nixon himself who represents that dark, venal and incurably violent side of the American character that almost every country in the world has learned to fear and despise. Our Barbie-doll president, with his Barbie-doll wife and his boxful of Barbie-doll children is also America's answer to the monstrous Mr. Hyde. He speaks for the Werewolf in us; the bully, the predatory shyster who turns into something unspeakable, full of claws and bleeding string-warts on nights when the moon comes too close ... — Hunter S. Thompson
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Dark Humor Sayings By J.G. Farrell: A great deal of thought must be given to your daughter's marriage. Otherwise, she will A great deal of thought must be given to your daughter's marriage. Otherwise, she will simply slink off like a cat on a dark night to be fertilized under a bush to God knows whom! — J.G. Farrell
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Dark Humor Sayings By Mark Twain: I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. — Mark Twain
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Dark Humor Sayings By Rick Yancey: It kills me. The way he trusted. LIke the way we trusted before they came It kills me. The way he trusted. LIke the way we trusted before they came and blue the whole goddamned world apart. Trusted that when it got dark there would be light. Trusted that when you wanted a fucking strawberry Frappuccino you could plop your ass in the car, drive down the streed, and get yourself a fucking strawberry Frappuccino! — Rick Yancey
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Dark Humor Sayings By Paul Murray: Ariadne made an impression on you, and that's great. But life is not literature. Sooner Ariadne made an impression on you, and that's great. But life is not literature. Sooner or later, the spell wears off, the romantic feelings disappear, and you're left watching somebody's body disintegrate. You start with a love story, you end up manacled to an hourglass, watching the sands run out. — Paul Murray
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Dark Humor Sayings By Kami Garcia: Let's be honest, Mr. Ravenwood. You have no place in this town. You are not Let's be honest, Mr. Ravenwood. You have no place in this town. You are not part of it and clearly, neither is your niece. I don't think you are in any position to make demands."
"Mrs. Lincoln, I appreciate your candor, and I will try to be as frank with you as you have been with me. It would be a grave error for you, for anyone in this town, really, to pursue this matter. You see, I have a great deal of means. I'm a bit of a spendthrift, if you will. If you try to prevent my niece from returning to Stonewall Jackson High School, I will be forced to spend some of that money. Who knows, perhaps I'll bring in a Wal-Mart."
There was another gasp from the bleachers.
"Is that a threat?"
"Not at all. — Kami Garcia
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Dark Humor Sayings By Terry Pratchett: If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged — Terry Pratchett
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Dark Humor Sayings By Sharon Page: So, sweeting, why were you threatening to throw Tate out of the house? What did So, sweeting, why were you threatening to throw Tate out of the house? What did he say?"
Leather brushed her chin as he tipped it up. Serious dark eyes met hers. "What did he say?"
She glanced around; surely the footmen were too far away to hear. "He wanted to join us in our bed."
"I'll run him through."
"No! Perhaps he only said it to goad you into a duel. Perhaps it was intended as a way to kill you."
"It was an insult to you, love. That can't be ignored."
"And so you rush inexorably toward death. I don't care if he stands on a Drury Lane stage and calls me a courtesan, I won't have you risking your life. — Sharon Page
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Dark Humor Sayings By Mitch Hedberg: I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I was on a bus once, it was in the middle of the night, and I had a box of crackers and a can of Easy Cheese. It was dark, and it was a surprise how much cheese I had applied on each cracker. That's why they should have a glow-in-the-dark version of Easy Cheese. It's not like the product has any integrity to begin with. If you buy a room-temperature cheese that you squeeze out of a can, you probably won't get mad because it glows in the dark too. — Mitch Hedberg
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Dark Humor Sayings By J.C. Patrick: I took a couple steps away from him and stopped in front of a framed I took a couple steps away from him and stopped in front of a framed colored poster of Vivien Leigh and Clark Gable from the movie Gone with the Wind. I studied the pair, Gable with his mysterious mustache and Leigh in her red ball gown. I'd become a fan of the classic, partially because of my mother's suggestion that I looked a lot like a younger Vivien Leigh, with my dark wavy hair and sea green eyes. And as usual, I'd believed her for a little while. — J.C. Patrick
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Dark Humor Sayings By Eve A. Floriste: The moral high ground proved to be one hell of an aphrodisiac... The moral high ground proved to be one hell of an aphrodisiac... — Eve A. Floriste
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Dark Humor Sayings By Dannika Dark: I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, I was beginning to think that Simon just had a bad case of OCD, ADD, and PMS. With a little BS and OMG mixed in. — Dannika Dark
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Dark Humor Sayings By J.D. Robb: You're still carrying Africa, but it's eroding at the edges.Great. We're destroying the Dark Continent. You're still carrying Africa, but it's eroding at the edges.
Great. We're destroying the Dark Continent. — J.D. Robb
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Dark Humor Sayings By Brett Gelman: Comedy is about flaws anyway ... There's a lot of humor in the dark areas Comedy is about flaws anyway ... There's a lot of humor in the dark areas of life. — Brett Gelman
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Dark Humor Sayings By Dark Jar Tin Zoo: I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, I love being in love, but I also love other things, like not being jealous, overly sensitive, or needy. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo
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Dark Humor Sayings By Lisa Shearin: Sir, come quick. They've found a body in the canal.I blew out my breath. Saved Sir, come quick. They've found a body in the canal.
I blew out my breath. Saved by the corpse.
... The corpse in question was Nigel Nicabar.
The watchers had collected the bodies found in Nigel's house, garden, and canal, and put them in the greenhouse located at the back of the garden. The necromancer's talents weren't with living things, so the greenhouse's tables were pretty much empty - at least of plants. Dead goblins lay under sheets and tarps. I couldn't help feeling that Nigel would have approved. What he wouldn't have approved of was being included among them. Nigel wouldn't have been caught dead surrounded by goblins, yet that's exactly how and where he was. I don't think he would have appreciated the irony. — Lisa Shearin
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Dark Humor Sayings By Chuck Palahniuk: Nothing shows you the straight line from here to death like a list. Nothing shows you the straight line from here to death like a list. — Chuck Palahniuk
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Dark Humor Sayings By Taika Waititi: A big part of the humor is in identifying with the tragic elements of the A big part of the humor is in identifying with the tragic elements of the film. The New Zealand sense of humor is very dark. Our films are usually very dark and it's always someone being killed. Usually a child. — Taika Waititi
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Dark Humor Sayings By Tanith Lee: It was usual to be obedient to authority, to obey a legal letter. But Rachaela It was usual to be obedient to authority, to obey a legal letter. But Rachaela left her bills
unpaid until the threats began. She ignored the money-envelopes stuck through the door for starving
children and the sick. — Tanith Lee
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Dark Humor Sayings By Rob E. Boley: Snow came back, but she didn't come back right. Snow came back, but she didn't come back right. — Rob E. Boley
Dark Humor Sayings By Olga Goa: Don't be shy, dear. I'm too old for you to be embarrassed by me. Don't be shy, dear. I'm too old for you to be embarrassed by me. — Olga Goa
Dark Humor Sayings By Olga Goa: Scusi mia bella*, but it runs in the blood of all Italians to be skillful Scusi mia bella*, but it runs in the blood of all Italians to be skillful lovers. So you have to get used to this. — Olga Goa
Dark Humor Sayings By James J. Kavanaugh: Don't love the job kid. The Job is a whore, and she won't love you Don't love the job kid. The Job is a whore, and she won't love you back. — James J. Kavanaugh
Dark Humor Sayings By Elizabeth Morgan: Ever since I saw you" - she pulled me closer and draped both of my Ever since I saw you" - she pulled me closer and draped both of my legs over her shoulders. Her eyes blazed with hunger - "I have just wanted to eat you up. — Elizabeth Morgan
Dark Humor Sayings By Andrea Seigel: I lean toward anything with a dark sense of humor. And since I've been out I lean toward anything with a dark sense of humor. And since I've been out of school, the majority of my books have been contemporary; basically, I like my characters to have electricity - even better, a TV. — Andrea Seigel
Dark Humor Sayings By Sophie Oak: MEG (to Dante, the vampire):Vampires aren't as cool as I expected them to be. In MEG (to Dante, the vampire):Vampires aren't as cool as I expected them to be. In romance novels, vampires are all dark and broody and sexy. In real life, you talk an awful lot about stocks. — Sophie Oak
Dark Humor Sayings By Casey Renee Kiser: I hear they make greeting cards now to thank your therapist ... for NOTHING I hear they make greeting cards now
to thank your therapist ... for NOTHING — Casey Renee Kiser
Dark Humor Sayings By Chuck Hogan: Nothing can unman you like an un-man. Nothing can unman you like an un-man. — Chuck Hogan
Dark Humor Sayings By Holly Black: I got bored," he says. "Besides, you know what's creepier than walking around your dead I got bored," he says. "Besides, you know what's creepier than walking around your dead brothers' apartment? Sitting alone in a hearse in front of his apartment. — Holly Black
Dark Humor Sayings By Eve Edwards: Will watched her go with regret. His attraction to the dark-haired lady with her execrable Will watched her go with regret. His attraction to the dark-haired lady with her execrable embroidery had taken him by surprise. She'd been laughing at his brothers - that was what had done it. Her eyes had sparkled with humor, her smiling lips just begging for a kiss. — Eve Edwards
Dark Humor Sayings By Emma McLaughlin: But there is so much you can do with five children in a dark parking But there is so much you can do with five children in a dark parking lot before you want to sell them. — Emma McLaughlin
Dark Humor Sayings By Terry Pratchett: Aye, Rob, but we canna help noticin' ye also have tae do the Explainin', too,' Aye, Rob, but we canna help noticin' ye also have tae do the Explainin', too,' said Daft Wullie.
There was a general nodding from the crowd. To Feegles, Explaining was a dark art. It was just so HARD.
'Like, when we come back from drinkin', stealin', and fightin', Jeannie gives ye the Pursin' o' the Lips,' Daft Wullie went on.
A moan went up from all the Feegles: 'Ooooh, save us from the Pursin' o' the Lips!'
'An' there's the Foldin' o' the Arms,' said Wullie, because he was even scaring himself.
'Oooooh, waily, waily, waily, the Foldin' o' the Arms!' the Feegles cried, tearing at their hair.
'Not tae mention the Tappin' o' the Feets ... ' Wullie stopped, not wanting to mention the Tappin' o' the Feets.
'Aargh! Oooooh! No' the Tappin' o' the Feets!' Some of the Feegles started to bang their heads on trees. — Terry Pratchett
Dark Humor Sayings By Jane Espenson: I like the way that Dexter mixed humor, dark humor and tragedy, in a way I like the way that Dexter mixed humor, dark humor and tragedy, in a way I don't think that I've seen another show do. To handle those tonal shifts with so much confidence. Normally, you can mix humor and dark humor, you can mix dark humor and tragedy, but to mix all three ... There are just moments with Robin and Reuben, the next door neighbors, that are just funny. — Jane Espenson
Dark Humor Sayings By C.C. Hunter: And you expect us to take the word of your ... very pregnant wife, over And you expect us to take the word of your ... very pregnant wife, over a DNA test? No offense, but pregnancy tends to lower a female's IQ."
Burnett turned to the warlock, but before he could add his two cents - which didn't look as if it would be pleasant - Holiday added her own.
"That's funny," she said, but without humor.
"I've heard it also makes us vicious if provoked. And for your information, I'd be happy to put my IQ up against yours, pregnant or not."
Hunter, C. C. (2014-05-20). Reborn (Shadow Falls: After Dark) (p. 336). St. Martin's Press. Kindle Edition. — C.C. Hunter
Dark Humor Sayings By Lorraine Gokul: Love is photogenic, it develops in the dark. Love is photogenic, it develops in the dark. — Lorraine Gokul
Dark Humor Sayings By Inga Muscio: I have a really dark, rich, thick sense of humor. I have a really dark, rich, thick sense of humor. — Inga Muscio
Dark Humor Sayings By Ron Koertge: OMG. He's a gift shop, a lamb kebab with mint,/a solar panel poetry machine with OMG. He's a gift shop, a lamb kebab with mint,/a solar panel poetry machine with biceps. He's the path/through the dark woods, the light on the page, a postcard/from the castle and a one-way ticket there. He's the most/astounding arrangement of molecules ever!/Just look at those tights! An honest-to-God prince at last. — Ron Koertge
Dark Humor Sayings By J.K. Rowling: His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad,His hair is as dark as His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad,
His hair is as dark as a blackboard.
I wish he was mine, he's really divine,
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord. — J.K. Rowling
Dark Humor Sayings By Dark Jar Tin Zoo: I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am! I am the Trolley of Love. Free rides before noon and after 11:58 am! — Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Dark Humor Sayings By Nick Hornby: I've committed to nothing ... and that's just suicide ... by tiny, tiny increments. I've committed to nothing ... and that's just suicide ... by tiny, tiny increments. — Nick Hornby
Dark Humor Sayings By Shirley Jackson: I wonder if I could eat a child if I had the chance.''I doubt if I wonder if I could eat a child if I had the chance.'
'I doubt if I could cook one,' said Constance. — Shirley Jackson
Dark Humor Sayings By John Sandford: Got here half an hour ago and had a look, eyeballin' it," Sawyer said. "It's Got here half an hour ago and had a look, eyeballin' it," Sawyer said. "It's murder, all right. Tell you something else - the sun went down, and it's as dark as the inside of a horses's ass out here."
"You're sure?"
"Well, I've never actually been inside a horses's ass. — John Sandford
Dark Humor Sayings By Aubrea Summer: If you want to convince a criminal to see things your way, start by seeing If you want to convince a criminal to see things your way, start by seeing things theirs. — Aubrea Summer
Dark Humor Sayings By Kristopher Jansma: Evelyn was followed in by a sour-faced woman with long, glamorous dark hair and a Evelyn was followed in by a sour-faced woman with long, glamorous dark hair and a stern-looking gentleman in a tuxedo who looked just like Julian, but with less hair. They both looked as though they might buy the auditorium just to burn it to the ground. Even in this crowd they seemed assuredly a cut above the rest. — Kristopher Jansma
Dark Humor Sayings By Sid Fleischman: Joy was not the raw material of humor ... The dark source was sorrow. Joy was not the raw material of humor ... The dark source was sorrow. — Sid Fleischman
Dark Humor Sayings By Brent Weeks: Love is a madness. Love is Failer - Durzo Blint Love is a madness. Love is Failer - Durzo Blint — Brent Weeks
Dark Humor Sayings By Lisa Kleypas: I had never ironed anything in my life. The proper pressing of a shirt was I had never ironed anything in my life. The proper pressing of a shirt was a mystery of the universe akin to black holes and dark matter. — Lisa Kleypas
Dark Humor Sayings By Laurie R. King: I undid the wrappings with great curiosity, for Holmes did not normally give gifts. I I undid the wrappings with great curiosity, for Holmes did not normally give gifts. I opened the dark velvet jewller's box and found inside a shiny new set of picklocks, a younger version of his own. Holmes, ever the romantic. Mrs. Hudson would be pleased. — Laurie R. King
Dark Humor Sayings By Gasmaskman: It is important to correct bad behavior one toe at a time. It is important to correct bad behavior one toe at a time. — Gasmaskman
Dark Humor Sayings By Michael Booth: EARLY ONE DARK April morning a few years ago I was sitting in my living EARLY ONE DARK April morning a few years ago I was sitting in my living room in central Copenhagen, wrapped in a blanket and yearning for spring, when I opened that day's newspaper to discover that my adopted countrymen had been anointed the happiest of their species in something called the Satisfaction with Life Index, compiled by the Department of Psychology at the University of Leicester.

I checked the date on the newspaper: it wasn't 1 April. — Michael Booth
Dark Humor Sayings By Christopher Moore: Lily liked the fog, and didn't even mind the cold wind. She reckoned that Ocean Lily liked the fog, and didn't even mind the cold wind. She reckoned that Ocean Beach, the dunes there, and the Sunset were the closest San Francisco was going to come to the foreboding, wind-swept moors of England, where she had aspired to suffer romance and heartache when she was a kid. The foghorn, however, rather than a lonesome lament that conjured images of Heathcliff's dark figure, waiting with clenched jaw on the moor for her to bring light and warmth into his life, sounded like a distressed moose tied up in her neighbor's garage, having his nut sack singed with jumper cables at a precise interval calculated to keep her from falling asleep. Which, in turn, made her think of what complete douche bags people could be when all you wanted to do was borrow a defibrillator. Then she was awake and angry. — Christopher Moore
Dark Humor Sayings By George R R Martin: Give the wilding an axe, why not?" He pointed out Mormont's weapon, a short-hafted battle-axe Give the wilding an axe, why not?" He pointed out Mormont's weapon, a short-hafted battle-axe with gold scrollwork inlaid on the black steel blade. "He'll give it back, I vow. Buried in the Old Bear's skull, like as not. why not give him all our axes, and our swords as well? I mislike the way the clank and rattle as we ride. We'd travel faster without them, straight to hell's door. Does it rain in hell, I wonder? Perhaps Craster would like a nice hat instead."
Jon smiled. "He wants an axe. And wine as well."
"See, the Old Bear's clever. If we get the wildling well and truly drunk, perhaps he'll only cut off an ear when he tries to slay us with that axe. I have two ears but only one head. — George R R Martin
Dark Humor Sayings By Derek Landy: Everyone gets tortured these days. Skulduggery by Serpine, who then turned around and did that Everyone gets tortured these days. Skulduggery by Serpine, who then turned around and did that red right hand thing at you. Then Skulduggery was tortured again by the Faceless Ones. I figured it was my turn, you know? You're not part of the team if you haven't been tortured- that's what I always say. Well, I'll be saying that from now on anyway. — Derek Landy
Dark Humor Sayings By Dark Jar Tin Zoo: I had a dream about you. In my dream I stole all your money, kidnapped I had a dream about you. In my dream I stole all your money, kidnapped your parents, and mailed you mannequin parts spray-painted red in a series of packages that also included ransom notes. Then, towards the end of the dream, the cops surrounded my cave and swarmed in to arrest me. Sweating, my eyes shot open, and I realized it was a dream. "Of course it's a dream," I thought. "The cops have no idea where my cave is, and your first package has yet to be delivered." — Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Dark Humor Sayings By Jodi Picoult: Jesse just smiles. He blows a smoke ring. "Sis," he says, "welcome to the Dark Jesse just smiles. He blows a smoke ring. "Sis," he says, "welcome to the Dark Side. — Jodi Picoult
Dark Humor Sayings By Steven Wright: Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. — Steven Wright
Dark Humor Sayings By Allyson James: I pulled the phone toward me and punched in the number of the sheriff's office I pulled the phone toward me and punched in the number of the sheriff's office in Flat Mesa. The deputy at the desk put me straight through. The phone made a couple of clicks, and then the sheriff's voice sounded in my ear.

"Jones," he said. Dark, biting, laconic.

"Hey, Nash. It's Janet."

There was a long silence.

"Fuck," Nash Jones said clearly, and he hung up on me. — Allyson James
Dark Humor Sayings By Adventure Time: When bad things happen, I know you want to believe they are a joke, But When bad things happen, I know you want to believe they are a joke, But sometimes life is scary and dark. That is why we must find the light. — Adventure Time
Dark Humor Sayings By Diana Gabaldon: When I asked my da how ye knew which was the right woman, he told When I asked my da how ye knew which was the right woman, he told me when the time came, I'd have no doubt. And I didn't. When I woke in the dark under that tree on the road to Leoch, with you sitting on my chest, cursing me for bleeding to death, I said to myself 'Jamie Fraser, for all ye canna see what she looks like, and for all she weights as much as a good draft horse, this is the woman. — Diana Gabaldon
Dark Humor Sayings By Will Wiles: It was a state of aloneness. It was the kind of place that started shooting It was a state of aloneness. It was the kind of place that started shooting political prisoners because it suspected that they would enjoy solitary confinement and internal exile too much. — Will Wiles
Dark Humor Sayings By Brandon Lee: You're dealing with a character who is, at some points, quite insane. And I hope You're dealing with a character who is, at some points, quite insane. And I hope that any wicked, dark sense of humor Eric exhibits comes out of the fact that he'd been pushed to the point where it seems quite sensible to say some of the ridiculous things he says. — Brandon Lee
Dark Humor Sayings By Cassandra Clare: Caliph Vathek and his dark hordeAre bound for Hell, you won't be bored!Your faith in Caliph Vathek and his dark horde
Are bound for Hell, you won't be bored!
Your faith in me will be restored
Unless this token you find untoward
And my poor gift you have ignored. — Cassandra Clare
Dark Humor Sayings By Loretta Chase: If she had been a normal female, she would have swooned. But she was not If she had been a normal female, she would have swooned. But she was not normal, never had been.
"Good grief, you are impossibly handsome," she said breathlessly. "I vow, I have never experienced the like. For an instant, my brain stopped altogether. I must say, my lord, you do clean up well. But next time, I wish you would call out a warning before you come into view, and give me a chance to brace myself for the onslaught."
Something dark flickered in his eyes. Then a corner of his hard mouth quirked up. "Miss Adams, you have an interesting - a unique - way with a compliment."
The trace of a smile disoriented her further. "It is a unique experience," she said. "I never knew my brain to shut off before, not while I was full awake. I wonder if the phenomenon has been scientifically documented and what physiological explanation has been proposed. — Loretta Chase
Dark Humor Sayings By Ellen DeGeneres: Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when you see them Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot. — Ellen DeGeneres
Dark Humor Sayings By James Dashner: I really love middle-grade. Middle-grade books have a little more of a magical, light-hearted feel. I really love middle-grade. Middle-grade books have a little more of a magical, light-hearted feel. You can be a little bit more quirky, you can have a little more humor. It doesn't get so dark and deep. — James Dashner
Dark Humor Sayings By Shawn Kirsten Maravel: Turning the corner, she saw the dark figure of a man, John, pushed up against Turning the corner, she saw the dark figure of a man, John, pushed up against the side of his bed cast in the light of another stained glass lamp. She fought the simultaneous instinct to jump away and move closer.
"You shouldn't have come," he said through gritted teeth.
"I had to," she insisted, taking a step forward. "It sounded like you were in trouble."
He laughed without humor. "Damn right I'm in trouble. — Shawn Kirsten Maravel
Dark Humor Sayings By Barbara Brooke: A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else ... even A dark-chocolate truffle melts in my mouth, and I forget about everything else ... even the fact that I'm on a diet. — Barbara Brooke
Dark Humor Sayings By Doug Stanhope: My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag. — Doug Stanhope
Dark Humor Sayings By D.J. MacHale: Nights were the worst. I'd try to get some sleep, only to be thrown out Nights were the worst. I'd try to get some sleep, only to be thrown out of bed and dragged out into the compound for another game of "Let's whack Bobby in the dark!" - Bobby Pendragon, RoZ — D.J. MacHale
Dark Humor Sayings By Taylor Fenner: I try to write characters that are normal, believable people with a unique sense of I try to write characters that are normal, believable people with a unique sense of humor. I like characters that aren't necessarily society's idea of "perfect". I wanted to make characters that were more real. I want my potential readers to see that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. I want them, especially the girls, to realize that whatever you look like, whether you're chubby or skinny, dark haired or blonde, popular or the school outcast, that everyone deserves to be loved. And that if you look hard enough, there's someone out there waiting just for you. — Taylor Fenner
Dark Humor Sayings By Jodi Picoult: Skin color doesn't make you different,' Melody said. 'We're all the same on the inside.' Skin color doesn't make you different,' Melody said. 'We're all the same on the inside.' 'The only people who ever say that,' Raymon replied, 'are white. — Jodi Picoult
Dark Humor Sayings By The Harvard Lampoon: Quick, I told myself. Try to remember what you learned from Jimbo's Self Defence for Quick, I told myself. Try to remember what you learned from Jimbo's Self Defence for Young Ladies. Jimbo was a beefy man with prison tats.
"Go into the nearest dark alley," I recalled Jimbo saying. "Freeze like a rabbit or the creature you desire your attacker to mistake you for. If your attacker shouts out to you, respond politely - maybe your optimism will change his mind. If you're about to get into an elevator with a man you feel uncomfortable spending time with in a small, escapeless room, head right in. Remember , fear i an irrational emotion, you should probably ignore it."
Armed with these tips, I hung a right into the nearest dead-end, curled into a ball and started rolling. — The Harvard Lampoon
Dark Humor Sayings By Hunter S. Thompson: I have never believed much in luck, and my sense of humor has tended to I have never believed much in luck, and my sense of humor has tended to walk on the dark side. — Hunter S. Thompson
Dark Humor Sayings By Rockmond Dunbar: I love dark humor. I love things that are so grounded in life, but just I love dark humor. I love things that are so grounded in life, but just happen to be just a little bit twisted because my sense of humor is a little bit twisted. I love jokes that shouldn't be funny, but are. Those types of things just really make me laugh. — Rockmond Dunbar
Dark Humor Sayings By Warren Moore: The train hit her with the sound of a meat-filled hefty bag smacking the pavement, The train hit her with the sound of a meat-filled hefty bag smacking the pavement, and the effect was much the same, I guess. (Dark City Lights) — Warren Moore
Dark Humor Sayings By Lemony Snicket: In the days that followed, the Baudelaire orphans had pits in their stomachs. In Sunny's In the days that followed, the Baudelaire orphans had pits in their stomachs. In Sunny's case it was understandable, because when Klaus had divided the peach, she had gotten the part with the pit. — Lemony Snicket
Dark Humor Sayings By Nenia Campbell: Don't tell me it's going to fucking be okay! I am not okay with being Don't tell me it's going to fucking be okay! I am not okay with being that fucker's pinata! — Nenia Campbell
Dark Humor Sayings By Elena Satine: I love dark humor that crosses the line and makes you say, 'That's so wrong!' I love dark humor that crosses the line and makes you say, 'That's so wrong!' And that's 'Family Guy' to me. — Elena Satine
Dark Humor Sayings By Dark Jar Tin Zoo: Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Love is like encountering a forest and having to chop down every tree but one. Oh, and you have to chop down each tree by hugging it until it falls. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Dark Humor Sayings By Marcus Brigstocke: If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. — Marcus Brigstocke
Dark Humor Sayings By Dark Jar Tin Zoo: We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, We made love like green is blue. That's because we were only half into it, though for the record I was the blue and she was the disinterested yellow. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Dark Humor Sayings By Lindy West: Yet it seems like the more abuse I get, the more abuse I court - Yet it seems like the more abuse I get, the more abuse I court - baring myself more extravagantly, processing opinions that I know will draw an onslaught - because, after all, if I've already adjusted my body temperature, why not face the blizzard so that other women don't have to freeze?
Paradoxical undressing, I guess. — Lindy West
Dark Humor Sayings By E.A. Bucchianeri: A man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on A man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything. — E.A. Bucchianeri
Dark Humor Sayings By Krista Alasti: So what did you do, drug me, stuff me in the trunk, then dump me So what did you do, drug me, stuff me in the trunk, then dump me like a sacrificial offering into that vampire's coffin? - Shella — Krista Alasti
Dark Humor Sayings By Eve Masters: Oh get over it Cecilia! You are no longer human. Such decorum doesn't exist amongst Oh get over it Cecilia! You are no longer human. Such decorum doesn't exist amongst our kind — Eve Masters
Dark Humor Sayings By Dark Jar Tin Zoo: I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, I make love like farm equipment - not to farm equipment. There is a difference, though my cousin can't tell it. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Dark Humor Sayings By C.J. Roberts: My anger with him had grown as the hours had passed. I'd convinced myself when My anger with him had grown as the hours had passed. I'd convinced myself when he came to get me i would really give him a piece of my mind. Of course - it's easy to be brave when the object of your fear isn't holding your sore nipples hostage. ~ Livvie — C.J. Roberts
Dark Humor Sayings By Andrew Cormier: If people realized the great pains I go through to impose such delicious torment on If people realized the great pains I go through to impose such delicious torment on him, they would be more punctilious. — Andrew Cormier
Dark Humor Sayings By Diana Rowland: God-fucking-damn but he was seriously good-looking. "Have you ever had the stuffed pancakes here? They're God-fucking-damn but he was seriously good-looking. "Have you ever had the stuffed pancakes here? They're evil. I highly recommend them."
"Heh. The cop is recommending evil," I said. "Too funny."
To my surprise, Ivanov chuckled. "You've discovered my dark side. — Diana Rowland
Dark Humor Sayings By Wentworth Miller: Confidence is at the root of so many attractive qualities, a sense of humor, a Confidence is at the root of so many attractive qualities, a sense of humor, a sense of style, a willingness to be who you are no matter what anyone else might think or say and it's true, I do have a certain fondness for women that have dark hair. — Wentworth Miller
Dark Humor Sayings By Douglas Adams: Mr Cjelli, nice to see you back, sir. Sorry you had a spot of bother, Mr Cjelli, nice to see you back, sir. Sorry you had a spot of bother, hope that's all behind you now."
"Indeed, Bill, it is. You find me thriving. And Mrs Roberts? How is she? Foot still troubling her?"
"Not since she had it off, thanks for asking, sir. Between you and me, sir, I would've been just as happy to have had her amputated and kept the foot. I had a little spot reserved on the mantelpiece, but there we are, we have to take things as we find them."
( ... )
" ... thank you, and my best to what remains of Mrs Roberts. — Douglas Adams
Dark Humor Sayings By Ilona Andrews: The Beast Lord walked out of the warehouse. The screen went dark.My knight in furry The Beast Lord walked out of the warehouse. The screen went dark.
My knight in furry armor.
Saiman opened his mouth. This is why I didn't. Personally, I think your smile is inappropriate. — Ilona Andrews
Dark Humor Sayings By Angela S. Choi: But I didn't want to be anyone's green card ticket, meal ticket, cook, washing lady, But I didn't want to be anyone's green card ticket, meal ticket, cook, washing lady, housemaid, personal masseuse, baby machine, regularly-scheduled-hole in the mattress. Only to end up dead, discarded, buried in a ditch somewhere, dumped into the big, blue sea, all used up.
Boys should just stay home and fuck their mothers. — Angela S. Choi
Dark Humor Sayings By Martin Luther: Many demons are in woods, in waters, in wildernesses, and in dark poolly places ready Many demons are in woods, in waters, in wildernesses, and in dark poolly places ready to hurt ... people. — Martin Luther
Dark Humor Sayings By Dark Jar Tin Zoo: Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. — Dark Jar Tin Zoo
Dark Humor Sayings By Campbell Scott: If you're playing a good guy, you show some darkness. If you're playing a dark If you're playing a good guy, you show some darkness. If you're playing a dark guy, you show something different, like humor, that will mix it up and hopefully surpass the audience's expectations. What I'm battling all the time is complacency in the audience. I try to bring a little mystery to what might happen because that engages people more. — Campbell Scott