Foxworthy's Famous Quotes & Sayings

100 Foxworthy's Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

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You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black
Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls
You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if your kids are going hungry tonight because you just
You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if going to the bathroom involves shoes and a flashlight.
It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I did. My wife punched me in the middle of the night; I woke up and went Oww! What was that for?, and she goes I dreamt you were making out with Faith Hill. I said I wasn't dreaming anything! Send her over to my dreams, and we'll both be happy.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: It's not my dreams that get me in trouble, it's what my wife dreams I
It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart.. You might be a rednneckJeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If you think a quaterhorse is that ride in front of Kmart.. You might be
You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if the receptionist checks the rat traps at your place
If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on the brakes, you might be a redneck.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If you ahve ever unloaded your pickup by backing up really fast and slamming on
I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than 10 people should ever make in a lifetime. He was excited because he'd gone over to the livestock auction and bought 20 new feeder pigs.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I talked to Larry the Cable Guy the other day. Larry's made more money than
The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any
You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off ... and so does your husband.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you work with a shirt off ... and so
We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like we've got it going on. And if we would just stay in that place of, 'Hey, we're all screwed up and but for the grace of God, none of us have a shot here.' We need to have a sense of humor about it; that's kind of the way I've always faced my comedy.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: We're all screwed up. And the way Christians mess things up is we act like
It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find their audience.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: It seems like movies that have heart to them always do well, and they find
If men have a smell it's usually an accident.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If men have a smell it's usually an accident.
The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned to trust my instincts.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: The biggest thing I've learned is to listen to my own gut. I have learned
If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about Hillary Clinton.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If you don't have anything good to say about someone, you must be talking about
You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill
Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no dental records and all the DNA is the same.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Do you know why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder? 'Cause there's no
You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you entire family has ever sat around waiting for
You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you have every episode of Hee Haw on tape.
I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just
[about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be seeing as much action as the front line, but we are living to fight another day.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: [about sex and being married] It's like being the National Guard, we may not be
If you break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you and then spend thirty minutes telling you why she shot you.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If you break into my house, I will shoot you. My wife will shoot you
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with a bra that isn't.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a dress that is strapless with
There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on where they can go and what they can buy.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: There's a whole segment of the population with a mentality that bases good times on
What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do.
You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if your momma gives you tips on how to sneak
You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
Barbara was actually Jeff Foxworthy's interior designer when we first met. So, not only was Jeff responsible for my success in my career, he also introduced me to the woman who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, which, I think, makes us even.Ron White Foxworthy's Sayings By Ron White: Barbara was actually Jeff Foxworthy's interior designer when we first met. So, not only was
You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if your anniversary present was getting the septic tank pumped.
I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it,
You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you hammer bottle caps into the frame of your
Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're
You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if more than one living relative is named after a
You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you think people that send out graduation announcements are
You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a
If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack, you might be a redneck.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a
I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island theme song and has deleted everything about triangles.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I don't know why my brain has kept all the words to the Gilligan's Island
You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if your 'huntin dog' cost more than the truck you
You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of
You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when
You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you saved lots of money on your honeymoon by
I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would be right there next to my watch. It would say Your wife's birthday is August 2nd, your anniversary is September 18th, don't let Ron White drive your car again.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I've got nothing against tattoos. I don't have one myself. If I did, it would
You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it. It's just the relationships that matter.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You find out that all this stuff you've accumulated, you could care less about it.
You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got
You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in the front yard.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if your daughter's Barbie's Dream House has a clothesline in
If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not know better, you do not really worry about failing.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: My whole career can be summed up with 'Ignorance is bliss.' When you do not
If you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay, or married.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If you've ever been antique shopping during a big football game, you're either gay, or
You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if taking a dip has nothing to do with water.
You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if your parakeet knows the phrase Open up, Police!
If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people who should be wearing belly shirts are people who don't have bellies. Now those little baby spare tires are kinda cute; tractor tires aren't! Especially if they've got hair on them!Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If your stomach blocks your view of your feet, cover it up! The only people
You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that big ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah Bubba's barn ...Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if your biggest ambition in life is to git that
You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture taken with a freak of nature.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you've ever stood in line to get your picture
I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if you ever put a gun to my head and said, "You can only do one," I'd think it would be stand-up. I think it's the coolest job in the world.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I'm very lucky in that I've gotten to do a lot of things. But if
If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a redneckJeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If you think 'loading the dishwasher' means 'getting your wife drunk', you might be a
You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if on your first date you had to ask your
You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson,
By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at
You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you have to check in the bottom of your
It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: It's sad when you see somebody that talented that passes away and doesn't have to.
I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits, it's kind of an acknowledgment that you've been doing stand-up a long time, which not very many people do.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I think with a comedian, when you get to the point of a greatest hits,
The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked
Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the intruders coming. Keep those kill zones open. I say let the grass grow tall so they don't know there's a house behind it. Some call it lazy, I say it's thinking.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Some people like to keep their grass cut really short, so they can see the
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel.
If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be a redneck.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan, you might be
The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's
Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't want to be hip.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Between New York and LA, there's 200 million people that aren't hip, and they don't
Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks ... but not the ones
Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money,
You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the top of a water tower to defend your sister's honor.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you've ever hauled a can of paint to the
When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a TV tray. My dad's theory was, 'Let him pull it over his head a few times, he'll learn.'Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: When I was a kid, my parents had a 900-pound television on top of a
It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed
You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if it's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn
I'm having my house repainted and we have a piano in the corner and the painter says, Is that y'all's piano? I said, No, that's our coffee table; it just has buck teeth. Here's Your Sign.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I'm having my house repainted and we have a piano in the corner and the
There's no down time any more.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: There's no down time any more.
I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's nothing wrong with that, but whatever I got, it's through the grace of God, and I've got to use it right.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I'm two decisions away from putting up drywall for a living. I am, and there's
Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women are not as proud of their 99% as men are of our one! We clean something up, we're gonna talk about it all year long. It might be on the news, you don't know. A woman could be out re-paving the driveway. Men actually have enough gall to walk out onto the porch and go Hey baby? Man, it's hot as hell out here! Look, don't worry about emptyin' that ashtray in the den, I done got it, all right? Did it for you, sweet pea. I'm gonna take a nap now.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Whatever cleaning goes on on the planet, women do 99% of it. But see, women
When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what they're talking about, let's do that.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: When I did the sitcom I was too naive. I thought, Well, they know what
My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you
The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little
That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our stuff. Even if it's not worth protecting, we want to protect it. You ever seen people who have like a piece of crap Pinto with a Club on the steering wheel. Somebody breaks the window, steals the Club, leaves the Pinto in a pile of glass.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: That's just something instinctual within men. We always feel like we've got to protect our
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family
You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: You might be a redneck if you dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of greater Pittsburgh, you ain't nobody's babydoll.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: If the veins in the back of your legs look like the street map of
I teach a Bible study for homeless guys in downtown Atlanta every week. Been doing it for years. That's the guys I'd rather go talk to. I'd rather take my act outside the church.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I teach a Bible study for homeless guys in downtown Atlanta every week. Been doing
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean." That may be true, but it takes a long time to get to England in a rowboat.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Ladies have come up with all these expressions to reassure men. "Oh, honey, it's not
Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact
I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will
Country music is about new love and it's about old love.Jeff Foxworthy Foxworthy's Sayings By Jeff Foxworthy: Country music is about new love and it's about old love.