Funny Die Famous Quotes & Sayings

100 Funny Die Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

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I'd die for your sins, but I'd probably enjoy them firstJosh Stern Funny Die Sayings By Josh Stern: I'd die for your sins, but I'd probably enjoy them first
I'm confused, Beatrice," she says. "What exactly do you want us to do?"
"I didn't come here to ask you for help," I say. "I thought you should know that a lot of people are going to die, very soon. And I know you don't want to stay here doing nothing while that happens, even if some of your faction does."
She looks down, her crooked mouth betraying just how right I am.
"I also wanted to ask you if we can talk to the Erudite you're keeping safe here," I say. "I know they're hidden, but I need access to them."
"And what do you intend to do?" she says.
"Shoot them," I say, rolling my eyes.
"That isn't funny."
I sigh. "Sorry. I need information. That's all.
Veronica Roth Funny Die Sayings By Veronica Roth: I'm confused, Beatrice," she says. "What exactly do you want us to do?""I didn't come
Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women.Zooey Deschanel Funny Die Sayings By Zooey Deschanel: Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing
British people would die for their right to drink themselves to deathJohn Oliver Funny Die Sayings By John Oliver: British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death
I don't want to die ... I don't want to die poor. Two great motivators in the history of human cultures.Neil DeGrasse Tyson Funny Die Sayings By Neil DeGrasse Tyson: I don't want to die ... I don't want to die poor. Two great motivators
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.Bill Bailey Funny Die Sayings By Bill Bailey: The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die.
The poor Sufi dressed in rags walked into a jewelry store owned by a rich merchant and asked him, "Do you know how you're going to die." And the Sufi said, "I do.""How?" asked the merchant.
And the Sufi lay down, crossed his arms, said, "Like this," and died, whereupon the merchant promptly gave up his store to live a life of poverty in pursuit of the kind of spiritual wealth the dead Sufi had acquired.
John Green Funny Die Sayings By John Green: The poor Sufi dressed in rags walked into a jewelry store owned by a rich
Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live.Mignon McLaughlin Funny Die Sayings By Mignon McLaughlin: Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live.
This is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh yeah! There are so many ways to die in New York City! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway crashes, construction cranes collapsing on the sidewalks, manhole covers blowing up and asbestos shooting into the sky.Denis Leary Funny Die Sayings By Denis Leary: This is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh yeah! There are
The quotes are often poignant or funny (one man before the firing squad requests a bulletproof vest) and often don't register as much more than interesting historical documents from centuries past. But read in aggregate, all that pain piles up. Essentially, Elder has amassed a collection of what people say when they know they are going to die, the final product of what could be seen as psychological torture.Jonathan Messinger Funny Die Sayings By Jonathan Messinger: The quotes are often poignant or funny (one man before the firing squad requests a
A man should be more original than a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates. Flowers die and sugar sticks to your hips like a permanent record to a criminal.Dannika Dark Funny Die Sayings By Dannika Dark: A man should be more original than a bouquet of roses and a box of
To die for an idea is to set a rather high price upon conjecture.Anatole France Funny Die Sayings By Anatole France: To die for an idea is to set a rather high price upon conjecture.
Help us, Juli-wan Kenobi, you're our only hope."
For a moment, that almost, almost made Julius feel like a hero. And then he remembered. "Doesn't Obi-Wan die in that movie?
Rachel Aaron Funny Die Sayings By Rachel Aaron: Help us, Juli-wan Kenobi, you're our only hope."For a moment, that almost, almost made Julius
Spider venom comes in many forms. It can often take a long while to discover the full effects of the bite. Naturalists have pondered this for years: there are spiders whose bite can cause the place bitten to rot and to die, sometimes more than a year after it was bitten. As to why spiders do this, the answer is simple. It's because spiders think this is funny, and they don't want you ever to forget them.Neil Gaiman Funny Die Sayings By Neil Gaiman: Spider venom comes in many forms. It can often take a long while to discover
Live mean or die trying.Cameron Jace Funny Die Sayings By Cameron Jace: Live mean or die trying.
Thursday, you mean everything to me. Not just because you're cute, smart, funny and have a devastatingly good figure and boobs to die for, but that you do right for right's sake - it's what you are and what you do. Even if I never get my magnum opus published, I will still die secure in the knowledge that my time on this planet was well-spent - giving support, love and security to someone who actually makes a difference.Jasper Fforde Funny Die Sayings By Jasper Fforde: Thursday, you mean everything to me. Not just because you're cute, smart, funny and have
To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god.Celine Dion Funny Die Sayings By Celine Dion: To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god.
I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.Fakeer Ishavardas Funny Die Sayings By Fakeer Ishavardas: I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.
I see a funny guy who's imperfect, but has a great heart and no vanity when it comes to what he'll do to get a laugh. I see a guy who loves his art and loves his family, and who is willing to live and die for both.Marlon Wayans Funny Die Sayings By Marlon Wayans: I see a funny guy who's imperfect, but has a great heart and no vanity
A good artist is willing to die many times over. What's funny is, I've died so many times.Billy Corgan Funny Die Sayings By Billy Corgan: A good artist is willing to die many times over. What's funny is, I've died
What I realized with Funny or Die is that I could take it into my own hands. On a much smaller scale, I think these videos are an accurate representation of who I am. As weird as they may be, I'm at least proud of them, and it showed that I do have a slightly different voice. I can't tell you how often people bring up these videos in interviews, and I'm so happy to talk about them because we created them from the ground up.Dave Franco Funny Die Sayings By Dave Franco: What I realized with Funny or Die is that I could take it into my
That's the funny thing," she said. "Men always want to die for something. For someone. I can see the appeal. You do it once and it's done. No more worrying, not knowing, about tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. I know you all think it sounds brave, but I'll tell you something even braver. To struggle and fight for the ones you love today. And then do it all over again the next day. Every day. For your whole life. It's not as romantic, I admit. But it takes a lot of courage to live for someone, too.Victor LaValle Funny Die Sayings By Victor LaValle: That's the funny thing," she said. "Men always want to die for something. For someone.
My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like I'm going to die. But the good kind of heart racing, like, Hello, can I help you with something? If not, please step aside because I'm about to kick the shit out of life.Maria Semple Funny Die Sayings By Maria Semple: My heart started racing, not the bad kind of heart racing, like I'm going to
I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.Mercedes McCambridge Funny Die Sayings By Mercedes McCambridge: I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing
Always keep a smile. I attribute my long life to that. I believe I will die laughing. That's part of my program.Jeanne Calment Funny Die Sayings By Jeanne Calment: Always keep a smile. I attribute my long life to that. I believe I will
But you can always justify killing animals on the grounds that you want to eat them, or wear them, or that they smell bad, look funny, bother you, threaten you, and have the bad luck of being in your way. What about killing humans? Well aside from a few die-hard individualists on the fringe, the general consensus among people these days seems to be that eating and wearing other people is just not on. Wearing a suit which costs as much as a farmer will make in his lifetime is acceptable, but actually putting his eyeballs on a string and letting them dangle above tastefully exposed cleavage is bad form.Mohsin Hamid Funny Die Sayings By Mohsin Hamid: But you can always justify killing animals on the grounds that you want to eat
I'm just glad you didn't die while we were gone," Brent said. "He'd be so pissed. And you know, you'd be dead. So that would suck.Bree Despain Funny Die Sayings By Bree Despain: I'm just glad you didn't die while we were gone," Brent said. "He'd be so
I'm really feeling more like a Harry Potter to your Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger."
"Harry Potter? Someone is awful full of themselves."
"And this way Charlie can be always-loyal and cooler than cool Neville Longbottom, and Liam gets to be Sirius."
Jase shook his head. "Sirius dies."
"Lupin?"
"Also dies."
"A Weasley twin?"
"Liam isn't that funny, and Fred dies."
I searched over the entire cast of Harry Potter. "All the cool people die.
Tammy Blackwell Funny Die Sayings By Tammy Blackwell: I'm really feeling more like a Harry Potter to your Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger.""Harry
I am about to - or I am going to - die; either expression is correct.Dominique Bouhours Funny Die Sayings By Dominique Bouhours: I am about to - or I am going to - die; either expression is
Liam gets to be Sirius."
Jase shook his head.
"Sirius dies."
"Lupin?"
"Also dies."
"A Weasley twin?"
"Liam isn't that funny, and Fred dies."
I searched over the entire cast ofHarry Potter.
"All the cool people die."
"Which is why we should stick to Star Wars and Jedi. What kind of cool team name would we get if we went with the wizards? Team Gryffindor?"
"Or, you know, Order of the Phoenix."
"I think we're more like Dumbledore's Army," was Talley's sleepy reply. "Although, we're more like Liam's Army.
Tammy Blackwell Funny Die Sayings By Tammy Blackwell: Liam gets to be Sirius." Jase shook his head. "Sirius dies." "Lupin?" "Also dies." "A
Oh bleep I was going to die.
I was going to die a horrible, gruesome, painful death.
My hand twitched at my side, reaching for the pink taster I knew wasn't there. why had I ever wanted this? what was I thinking? working at the International Paranormal Containment Agency might have been close to indentured servitude, and sure, I had some nasty run-ins with vampires and hags and creeptastic faeries, but that was nothing compared to the danger I faced now.
Girls' gym.
Kiersten White Funny Die Sayings By Kiersten White: Oh bleep I was going to die.I was going to die a horrible, gruesome, painful
Please. If you were mostly dead in the middle of the road I'd obviously stop. And then I'd watch you die.
Kate to Will
Elizabeth Scott Funny Die Sayings By Elizabeth Scott: Please. If you were mostly dead in the middle of the road I'd obviously stop.
In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and untangling them will annoy you before you die.Frankie Boyle Funny Die Sayings By Frankie Boyle: In the event of a cabin failure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling, and
But why me?
Because, idiot, you ... are funny and smart and you have a giant heart that you can't even pretend to hide. And you love your friends and your mum, and you held my hand and made me sing when I was so scared I thought I was going to die. I knew you understood, right from the beginning, this thing inside, the stuff in your head that you need to make real. You get that ... And you wear stupid Superman pyjamas without any irony, and your face lights up when you talk about the movies you love ... And ... you protect my dwarf. You always have her back. And you have a dimple when you smile that's so cute I almost died the first time I saw it.
Melissa Keil Funny Die Sayings By Melissa Keil: But why me?Because, idiot, you ... are funny and smart and you have a giant
I definitely want to start my own production company at some point. I'm actually teaming up with Funny or Die to put together a TV show right now, that I can't really talk about because it's still in the very preliminary stages, but if it pans out this will be the first project under my production company, which I have yet to name.Dave Franco Funny Die Sayings By Dave Franco: I definitely want to start my own production company at some point. I'm actually teaming
A cemetery?" I chuckle, but the pitch is a bit higher than I expected. "At night? With a full moon? Um ... did you see any, uh, zombies, you, while you were there?"
Shiko blinks at me a few times. "No"
I slump in relief. "Thank God. I mean, I don't want to be the first to die. The funny guy always dies first, for shock value, you know. Rourke would get killed next, because it's be a heroic sacrifice or something." I motion to Shiko. "You'd live, though, unless you had sex."
... Shiko has the look of an addled kitten, complete with head tilt. Rourke sighs and leans toward her, embarrassed.
'You'll have to excuse him. According to his mother he has an irrational fear of something called the zombie apocalypse."
"It's not irrational!
Vaughn R. Demont Funny Die Sayings By Vaughn R. Demont: A cemetery?" I chuckle, but the pitch is a bit higher than I expected. "At
I realize why women die in childbirth - it's preferable.Sherry Glaser Funny Die Sayings By Sherry Glaser: I realize why women die in childbirth - it's preferable.
With apologies to Judy Garland and Cole Porter, all the world does NOT love a clown. John Wayne Gacy might have been the final nail in the coffin in terms of anyone associating clowns with funny (if a bunch of clowns die, do they all fit into one coffin?)Christopher Lombardo Funny Die Sayings By Christopher Lombardo: With apologies to Judy Garland and Cole Porter, all the world does NOT love a
I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.J. B. Smoove Funny Die Sayings By J. B. Smoove: I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny
What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally shit myself lifeless.Bill Bryson Funny Die Sayings By Bill Bryson: What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I
Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?Sherrilyn Kenyon Funny Die Sayings By Sherrilyn Kenyon: Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. How did you die again? Oh wait, I
What's the one thing you want more than any other, prince?""My wife."Dionysus rolled his eyes. "Okay, what's the second thing you want?""My son."This time the god expelled a long exasperated breath. "Third? And if you name another family member, I will leave you here with Apollo, so help me, Zeus."Sadly, Styxx had no other family to name and only one other thing he craved. "To die.""Ah, you can be taught. Yah! And yeah, death. You kill Acheron and you die. I get to rule the world of man and everyone's happy." Hands on hips, Dionysus arched a brow. "So what do you say?""I say get me the fuck out of here.Sherrilyn Kenyon Funny Die Sayings By Sherrilyn Kenyon: What's the one thing you want more than any other, prince?""My wife."Dionysus rolled his eyes.
You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.Adam Carolla Funny Die Sayings By Adam Carolla: You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at
Poetry is again hip in America as people are beginning to refuse to die of boredom and to choke in the fog of their funny money.Andrei Codrescu Funny Die Sayings By Andrei Codrescu: Poetry is again hip in America as people are beginning to refuse to die of
Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!Rick Riordan Funny Die Sayings By Rick Riordan: Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM!
Shame upon him who can look on calmly, and exclaim,
'The foolish girl! she should have waited; she should have
allowed time to wear off the impression; her despair would
have been softened, and she would have found another lover
to comfort her.' One might as well say, 'The fool, to die of a
fever! why did he not wait till his strength was restored, till
his blood became calm? all would then have gone well, and
he would have been alive now.
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe Funny Die Sayings By Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe: Shame upon him who can look on calmly, and exclaim,'The foolish girl! she should have
I don't wanna be def. Death. Dead. This Burger Twin nappykin just got served as my will, BEOTCH! The fries here suck, by the way. If I die, don't feed my son your shitty fries. Don't give my son to the creepy child molester king you put in your commercials either. What the fuck is wrong with that guy? He's got a normal body and a plastic face that is always smiley. It's not right, man. It's just not right. My ears feel funny.Tara Sivec Funny Die Sayings By Tara Sivec: I don't wanna be def. Death. Dead. This Burger Twin nappykin just got served as
When I die, I want it to say 'Short and Funny' on my tombstone.John Requa Funny Die Sayings By John Requa: When I die, I want it to say 'Short and Funny' on my tombstone.
Warren made a noise, the first one I'd heard out of him since we'd come into the room. I'd have been happier if he hadn't sounded scared.
"Easy, Warren," Adam told him. "You're safe here."
"If you die on us, you won't be," said Kyle with a growl that would have done credit to any of the werewolves in the room.
Patricia Briggs Funny Die Sayings By Patricia Briggs: Warren made a noise, the first one I'd heard out of him since we'd come
He hoped he would live through this, but he was willing to die, if that was what it took to be alive. And, for a moment he thought that the whole thing was funny, just the funniest thing in the world;Neil Gaiman Funny Die Sayings By Neil Gaiman: He hoped he would live through this, but he was willing to die, if that
It's a funny thing, but, as years go by, I think you appreciate more and more what a great thing it was to be a United States Marine ... People will tell me what a shame it was I had to go back into the service a second time, but I'm kinda glad I did.. Besides, I am a U.S. Marine and I'll be one till I die.Ted Williams Funny Die Sayings By Ted Williams: It's a funny thing, but, as years go by, I think you appreciate more and
Think you can maybe not die for five minutes?"
"I'll try,"I told him seriously.
"You know, if anyone else said that, it would be funny.
Karen Chance Funny Die Sayings By Karen Chance: Think you can maybe not die for five minutes?""I'll try,"I told him seriously."You know, if
Black people loving and losing is something we don't see enough of. We're always in these heightened situations like something big is happening, something funny or something violent. And you know what? Sometimes we die of breast cancer or a broken heart. Things happen that are just not being explored cinematically. It's time we reinvigorated that type of film.Ava DuVernay Funny Die Sayings By Ava DuVernay: Black people loving and losing is something we don't see enough of. We're always in
I had a pain in my neck from sleeping funny, at least five hours' worth of homework, and a newfound realization that woman cannot live on cherry-flavored lip gloss alone. I dug in the bottom of my bag and found a very questionable breath mint, and figured that if I was going to die of starvation, I should at least have minty-fresh breath for the benefit of whatever classmate or faculty member would be forced to give me CPR.Ally Carter Funny Die Sayings By Ally Carter: I had a pain in my neck from sleeping funny, at least five hours' worth
The story of money is very funny. Others burn what we earn. Why not give as we live, so the world will cry when we die. -RVMR.v.m. Funny Die Sayings By R.v.m.: The story of money is very funny. Others burn what we earn. Why not give
Seeing his daughter slowly die, coupled with his infinite sadness and misery, the clockmaker becomes a recluse to the tower of the castle and begins to build something behind closed doors, not even his daughter knows what he's up to. For five years, she only sees him briefly at meal-times before locking himself up in the tower once again..."

"...Did he have a bathroom in the tower?"

"Yes, Jack. A big one! En-suite! Power-shower and spa! Where was I!?
Jonathan Dunne Funny Die Sayings By Jonathan Dunne: Seeing his daughter slowly die, coupled with his infinite sadness and misery, the clockmaker becomes
I stared at the phone in disbelief, then ripped a clean sheet of paper from my notebook. I scribbled ' Jerk ' on the first line. On the line beneath it I added, ' Smokes cigars. Will die of lung cancer. Hopefully soon.Becca Fitzpatrick Funny Die Sayings By Becca Fitzpatrick: I stared at the phone in disbelief, then ripped a clean sheet of paper from
Feeling funny in my mind, Lord I believe I'm fixing to die Well, I don't mind dying But I hate to leave my children crying Well, I look over yonder to that burying ground Look over yonder to that burying ground Sure seems lonesome, Lord, when the sun goes downBob Dylan Funny Die Sayings By Bob Dylan: Feeling funny in my mind, Lord I believe I'm fixing to die Well, I don't
I feel like I'm going to die,' he says.
'Could we talk for a few minutes before you die?'
'Only if you do it quietly.'
'I met this girl last night. I need your advice.'
'Come back later.'
'No. You might be dead.
Doug MacLeod Funny Die Sayings By Doug MacLeod: I feel like I'm going to die,' he says.'Could we talk for a few minutes
It's a funny thing about life, I think we're born square and we die roundDaniel Gottlieb Funny Die Sayings By Daniel Gottlieb: It's a funny thing about life, I think we're born square and we die round
With these Funny or Die videos, I do everything for them. I write them, act in them, and co-direct them with my buddy Brian McGinn, who I grew up with. We also edit them together. We're working on a small scale of Internet videos, but we're slowly trying to make them become a bigger thing.Dave Franco Funny Die Sayings By Dave Franco: With these Funny or Die videos, I do everything for them. I write them, act
Kylie Minogue - she's so great. You'd love her if you met her. Everyone would. In a way I wish everyone could, to see what a person she is. She's so sweet and no bull and really funny, man, really funny. The Rolling Stones are like a weight around your neck. All that..'you're not meant to rock after you're 30 ... you've got to die in a car crash or of a drug overdose.Michael Hutchence Funny Die Sayings By Michael Hutchence: Kylie Minogue - she's so great. You'd love her if you met her. Everyone would.
It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it.Owen Wilson Funny Die Sayings By Owen Wilson: It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of
It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die you don't have to lift a finger.Jack Paar Funny Die Sayings By Jack Paar: It was plain to see the Hollywood undertakers take care of everything. If you die
Vamps were homebodies - high-maintenance, party-till-you-die, don't-look-at-me-funny-or-I'll-kill-you homebodies, but homebodies nevertheless.Kim Harrison Funny Die Sayings By Kim Harrison: Vamps were homebodies - high-maintenance, party-till-you-die, don't-look-at-me-funny-or-I'll-kill-you homebodies, but homebodies nevertheless.
Don't you dare try to die again without asking my permission!Shungiku Nakamura Funny Die Sayings By Shungiku Nakamura: Don't you dare try to die again without asking my permission!
Its funny how certain objects convey a message
my washer and dryer, for example. They can't speak, of course, but whenever I pass them they remind me that I'm doing fairly well. "No more laundromat for you," they hum. My stove, a downer, tells me every day that I can't cook, and before I can defend myself my scale jumps in, shouting from the bathroom, "Well, he must be doing something. My numbers are off the charts." The skeleton has a much more limited vocabulary and says only one thing: "You are going to die.
David Sedaris Funny Die Sayings By David Sedaris: Its funny how certain objects convey a message my washer and dryer, for example. They
We all die at the end, but does that nullify everything? Would most people rather say, "I wish I hadn't been born?" Once you're born you'll have to die, now is that funny or sad?John Cleese Funny Die Sayings By John Cleese: We all die at the end, but does that nullify everything? Would most people rather
Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until the day you die. And then some. Mum, there is nothing to forgive. You gave me life. And, hey, you're not crazy anymore. Everybody thinks I am. Real funny, mum.Christopher Titus Funny Die Sayings By Christopher Titus: Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until
After climbing off his bike, I smacked his shoulder. "Did you forget I was with you? Are you trying to get me killed?"
"It's hard to forget you're behind me when your thighs are squeezing the life out of me." A smirk came with his next thought. "I couldn't think of a better way to die, actually."
"There is something very wrong with you.
Jamie McGuire Funny Die Sayings By Jamie McGuire: After climbing off his bike, I smacked his shoulder. "Did you forget I was with
We're born to die, but don't know why or what it's all about
And, the more we try to learn, the less we know.
Life's a very funny proposition, you can bet,
And no one's ever solved the problem properly, as yet;
Young for a day, then old and gray,
Like the rose that buds and blooms, and fades and falls away.
Losing health, to gain our wealth, as through this dream we tour;
Ev'rything's a guess and nothing's absolutely sure.
Battles exciting, and fates we're fighting, until the curtain fall;
Life's a very funny proposition, after all.
George M. Cohan Funny Die Sayings By George M. Cohan: We're born to die, but don't know why or what it's all aboutAnd, the more
The wildly drunk man from the cabin next door to ours is in front of me in the crowd. He's so drunk that he's standing in the women-and-children section. He complains loudly that this is boring and that we are a bunch of assholes. When a clearly terrified woman blurts out, "Please, sir, be quiet," he sways for a second and then lets out a long "Shuuuuut uuuuuuuup" that is funny not just because of its Jackie Gleason-style delivery but also because of its inappropriateness in a situation where we're all probably going to die.Tina Fey Funny Die Sayings By Tina Fey: The wildly drunk man from the cabin next door to ours is in front of
The average age (longevity) of a meat eater is 63. I am on the verge of 85 and still work as hard as ever. I have lived quite long enough and am trying to die; but I simply cannot do it. A single beef-steak would finish me; but I cannot bring myself to swallow it. I am oppressed with a dread of living forever. That is the only disadvantage of vegetarianism.George Bernard Shaw Funny Die Sayings By George Bernard Shaw: The average age (longevity) of a meat eater is 63. I am on the verge
He has a 5 year plan ... What is it, don't die?Adam Sandler Funny Die Sayings By Adam Sandler: He has a 5 year plan ... What is it, don't die?
I, a half naked German, was about to be discovered by her cruel Viking dad in his own bedroom, having smudged his daughter just hours ago. Full of gratitude I contemplated that I would at least not die a virgin.John Duover Funny Die Sayings By John Duover: I, a half naked German, was about to be discovered by her cruel Viking dad
I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.Mark Twain Funny Die Sayings By Mark Twain: I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent
The funny thing about almost-dying is that afterward everyone expects you to jump on the happy train and take time to chase butterflies through grassy fields or see rainbows in puddles of oil on the highway. It's a miracle, they'll say with an expectant look, as if you've been given a big old gift and you better not disappoint Grandma by pulling a face when you unwrap the box and find a lumpy, misshapen sweater.
That's what life is, pretty much: full of holes and tangles and ways to get stuck. Uncomfortable and itchy. A present you never asked for, never wanted, never chose. A present you're supposed to be excited to wear, day after day, even when you'd rather stay in bed and do nothing.
The truth is this: it doesn't take any skill to almost-die, or to almost-live, either.
Lauren Oliver Funny Die Sayings By Lauren Oliver: The funny thing about almost-dying is that afterward everyone expects you to jump on the
This is the way I want to die. Torn apart by angry fans who want me to play a different song.Regina Spektor Funny Die Sayings By Regina Spektor: This is the way I want to die. Torn apart by angry fans who want
I'm glad you think this is funny," he says. "Come on," I say. "Tragedy is funny." "Are we in a tragedy?" he asks, smiling broadly now. "Of course. Isn't that what life is? We all die at the end.Nicola Yoon Funny Die Sayings By Nicola Yoon: I'm glad you think this is funny," he says. "Come on," I say. "Tragedy is
I'm driving home to change," Win said. "Then I'm dining at Merion." Mainliners never ate; they dined. "Care to join me?" "Sounds good," Myron said. "Wait a second." "What?" "Are you properly attired?" "I don't clash," Myron said. "Will they still let me in?" "My, my, that was very funny, Myron. I must write that one down. As soon as I stop laughing, I plan on locating a pen. However, I am so filled with mirth that I may wrap my precious Jag around an upcoming telephone pole. Alas, at least I will die with jocularity in my heart." Win. "We have a case," Myron said. Silence. Win made this so easy. "I'll tell you about it at dinner." "Until then," Win said, "it'll be all I can do to douse my mounting excitement and anticipation with a snifter of cognac." Click. Gotta love that Win. Myron hadn't driven a mile when the cellular phone rang. Myron switched it on. It was Bucky. "The kidnapper called again.Harlan Coben Funny Die Sayings By Harlan Coben: I'm driving home to change," Win said. "Then I'm dining at Merion." Mainliners never ate;
If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just know there'd be headlines of 'Russell How-hard' in the newspapers.Russell Howard Funny Die Sayings By Russell Howard: If I were to die of anything vaguely sex-related or had taken Viagra, you just
Funny; people die in clumps too.Rick Yancey Funny Die Sayings By Rick Yancey: Funny; people die in clumps too.
It's funny, how one can look back on a sorrow one thought one might well die of at the time, and know that one had not yet reckoned the tenth part of true grief.Jacqueline Carey Funny Die Sayings By Jacqueline Carey: It's funny, how one can look back on a sorrow one thought one might well
I kicked, shouted an obscene word, got another faceful of goo for my troubles, and did the only thing left available to me. I started to laugh. This was a stupid way to die, all right. But also a god damned funny one.Adam-Troy Castro Funny Die Sayings By Adam-Troy Castro: I kicked, shouted an obscene word, got another faceful of goo for my troubles, and
He swiveled his head towards Eddie. "Tell me how to get over to the Four Lads. Do I have to die again?"
If he did, he had a Beretta on him and he knew what kicking the bucket from a gunshot was like. Snore.
"Don't bother." Adrian cracked his knuckles. "They're not going to tell you anything. They can't."
What the fuck? "I thought I worked for them."
"You work for both sides, and they've given you all the help they can."
Jim looked back and forth between the two angels. Each of them had the tight expression of a guy with a shoestring noosing up his balls.
"Help?" he said. "Where's my goddamned help?"
"They gave you us, asshole," Adrian snapped. "And that's all they can do
I've already gone over and asked them who's supposed to be next. I figured it would help you, you ungrateful bastard.
J.R. Ward Funny Die Sayings By J.R. Ward: He swiveled his head towards Eddie. "Tell me how to get over to the Four
The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'Adam Ferrara Funny Die Sayings By Adam Ferrara: The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35
The plain truth is we are going to die. Here I am, a teeny spec surrounded by boundless space and time, arguing with the whole of creation, shaking my fist, sputtering, growing even eloquent at times, and then-poof! I am gone. Swept off once and for all. I think that is very, very funny.Charles Simic Funny Die Sayings By Charles Simic: The plain truth is we are going to die. Here I am, a teeny spec
For a culture that has such a problem with death, we seem to deal with it in a quite bizarre way. We see people shot, killed and blown up, and we find it funny and sexy and all those things. But, the reality of it is that every day people die, and people are really sad and they grieve and they go through a really difficult process with it.Michael Sheen Funny Die Sayings By Michael Sheen: For a culture that has such a problem with death, we seem to deal with
If I could ever be on a Missy Elliott record, I could then die. Missy Elliott, Mary J. Blige - I love hearing them interviewed, I love the way they talk about their art. They're very self-assured, they're funny, they're inviting. I love it.Neko Case Funny Die Sayings By Neko Case: If I could ever be on a Missy Elliott record, I could then die. Missy
Mrs. Winalski owned a candy-apple-red 1965 Mustang GT convertible, and she drove it like she could die at any minute and needed to get five things done before that happened.Lish McBride Funny Die Sayings By Lish McBride: Mrs. Winalski owned a candy-apple-red 1965 Mustang GT convertible, and she drove it like she
It's funny how your dead when people start listening.The Band Perry Funny Die Sayings By The Band Perry: It's funny how your dead when people start listening.
When you live in a city, as I do, where violence is really in the streets, and people die every day, there's nothing funny about it.Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu Funny Die Sayings By Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu: When you live in a city, as I do, where violence is really in the
Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a cardiovascular workout but also you don't die.Jimmy Carr Funny Die Sayings By Jimmy Carr: Swimming is good for you, especially if you're drowning. Not only do you get a
I stabbed him," Flit said weakly, clutching at the tattered remains of Talon's shirt.
"With pens," Talon agreed.
"Is he dead?" Flit's eyes were huge, the pupils blown black, only a sliver of color showing around the edges. He was probably going into shock.
"I don't think so," Talon said. "It's pretty hard to die by pen.
Agatha Bird Funny Die Sayings By Agatha Bird: I stabbed him," Flit said weakly, clutching at the tattered remains of Talon's shirt. "With
People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase 'Drug-fuelled-sex-heart-attack'.Frankie Boyle Funny Die Sayings By Frankie Boyle: People who think there's no good way to die have obviously never heard the phrase
If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.Daniel Tosh Funny Die Sayings By Daniel Tosh: If no meant no then every man would die a virgin.
I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, "I'm glad I ate that." I'm always like, "I'm gonna die! I paid for that? Did I eat it or rub it on my face? My back hurts."Jim Gaffigan Funny Die Sayings By Jim Gaffigan: I've never eaten a Hot Pocket and then afterwards been, "I'm glad I ate that."
IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY!J.K. Rowling Funny Die Sayings By J.K. Rowling: IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY!
Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in which they're allowed to die," he said. "You are not funny." "I'm very funny.Ilona Andrews Funny Die Sayings By Ilona Andrews: Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in
Quip fast, die young.Cassandra Clare Funny Die Sayings By Cassandra Clare: Quip fast, die young.