Funny God Famous Quotes & Sayings

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100 Funny God Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

Funny God Sayings By Artie Lange: I'm like the master of ceremonies being funny, and then sometimes people you're with, girlfriends I'm like the master of ceremonies being funny, and then sometimes people you're with, girlfriends and stuff, are like, 'God I wish I had the person on stage to be with all the time.' — Artie Lange
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Funny God Sayings By Kristi Ann Hunter: By morning, Adelaide was beginning to understand why she'd never completely understood how God worked. By morning, Adelaide was beginning to understand why she'd never completely understood how God worked. Given that He had made the bewildering, maddening, incomprehensible species that was man from His own image, it stood to reason that the Creator would be a complicated mass of logic never meant to be understood by the female mind. That, or the fall of man in the Garden of Eden had taken them even further off the path than she'd ever realized — Kristi Ann Hunter
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Funny God Sayings By Garrison Keillor: It is more worthy in the eyes of God ... if a writer makes three It is more worthy in the eyes of God ... if a writer makes three pages sharp and funny about the lives of geese than to make three hundred fat and flabby about God or the American people. — Garrison Keillor
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Funny God Sayings By Rick Riordan: Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge Everyone thinks you've been kidnapped," he said. "We've been scouring the ship. When Coach Hedge finds out- oh, gods, you've been here all night?"
"Frank!" Annabeth's ears were as red as strawberries. "We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it."
"Kissed a couple of times," Percy said.
Annabeth glared at him. "Not helping! — Rick Riordan
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Funny God Sayings By Marcus Sedgwick: They said something funny. They said, 'Even God leaves on the last boat from Nome.' They said something funny. They said, 'Even God leaves on the last boat from Nome.' What does that mean? — Marcus Sedgwick
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Funny God Sayings By Dalia Sofer: Since when are you so 'faithful'? just a couple of years ago you would show Since when are you so 'faithful'? just a couple of years ago you would show up in your tight jeans and borrow our car to pick up one of your five girlfriends. You think that beard makes you a man of God? — Dalia Sofer
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Funny God Sayings By Eric Jerome Dickey: Soon-Bok Kim closed her eyes, said rapid prayers in castellano, beat the steering wheel, begged Soon-Bok Kim closed her eyes, said rapid prayers in castellano, beat the steering wheel, begged God to save her and her stupid husband, said they would become better Christians. — Eric Jerome Dickey
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Funny God Sayings By Grace Gealey: I'm a very spiritual person, and I believe in God and all that kind of I'm a very spiritual person, and I believe in God and all that kind of stuff. So my perfect type of guy would be spiritually grounded, extremely respectful and funny because I love to laugh. — Grace Gealey
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Funny God Sayings By Rachael Wade: Oooohhhh, you're one of those kids," Whitney said, suddenly cracking up."What in the hell is Oooohhhh, you're one of those kids," Whitney said, suddenly cracking up.
"What in the hell is so damn funny? One of what kids?"
"You had a horrible high school experience, didn't you?"
"High school is where demons go to eat little children."
"Carter!" She erupted into body-shaking laughter, rolling from left to right. "Oh my God, you are too much. This isn't high school anymore!"
"Um, hello, have you seen the movie Carrie? — Rachael Wade
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Funny God Sayings By Jasinda Wilder: Oh, god ... " I whimper. "I haven't done anything yet, baby," Colton growls. "I Oh, god ... " I whimper. "I haven't done anything yet, baby," Colton growls. "I know," I pant. "I was just saying your name. — Jasinda Wilder
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Funny God Sayings By Vantile Whitfield: I am not a trained writer and I don't think anyone would accuse me of I am not a trained writer and I don't think anyone would accuse me of being a funny person. But I feel God has truly blessed me. — Vantile Whitfield
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Funny God Sayings By Ilona Andrews: But she was funny sometimes, and never boring. God, it would almost be worth it But she was funny sometimes, and never boring. God, it would almost be worth it to see her face when she realized that I had saved her ass again.
Actually it was quite a nice ass, come to think of it. In fact, my memory of the ass and its owner seemed to be remarkably clear. — Ilona Andrews
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Funny God Sayings By Lewis Black: It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and It took forever for me to get work because I was a political comic, and now it's become good business, and God knows how long that'll last. You have to do it night after night after night to kind of make it. I still find myself on 'Piers Morgan' or on some show and I think, 'I hope this is funny.' — Lewis Black
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Funny God Sayings By Rick Riordan: Oh my god, I am so awesome!" Leo bellowed."So awesome!" Echo yelled back."He is funny," Oh my god, I am so awesome!" Leo bellowed.
"So awesome!" Echo yelled back.
"He is funny," a nymph ventured.
"And cute, in a scrawny way," another said.
"Scrawny?" Leo asked. "Baby I invented scrawny. Scrawny is the new sizzling hot. — Rick Riordan
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Funny God Sayings By Madonna Ciccone: Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn. Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn. — Madonna Ciccone
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Funny God Sayings By David Lodge: As is perhaps obvious, Morris Zapp had no great esteem for his fellow-labourers in the As is perhaps obvious, Morris Zapp had no great esteem for his fellow-labourers in the vineyards of literature. They seemed to him vague, fickle, irresponsible creatures, who wallowed in relativism like hippopotami in mud, with their nostrils barely protruding into the air of common-sense. They happily tolerated the existence of opinions contrary to their own - they even, for God's sake, sometimes changed their minds. Their pathetic attempts at profundity were qualified out of existence and largely interrogative in mode. They liked to begin a paper with some formula like, 'I want to raise some questions about so-and-so', and seemed to think they had done their intellectual duty by merely raising them. This manoeuvre drove Morris Zapp insane. Any damn fool, he maintained, could think of questions; it was answers that separated the men from the boys. — David Lodge
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Funny God Sayings By Jon Acuff: Sometimes when jerks become Christians, it's like a bully learning karate. Instead of having Christ Sometimes when jerks become Christians, it's like a bully learning karate. Instead of having Christ transform our hearts and attitudes, we now have a new method with which to beat you up ... what was once just 'forcing everyone to agree with my opinion' is now 'forcing everyone to agree with my opinion in the name of God. — Jon Acuff
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Funny God Sayings By Julie Anne Long: I don't know,' he said irritably. 'Is it meant to improve you?'She swiveled toward him, I don't know,' he said irritably. 'Is it meant to improve you?'
She swiveled toward him, eyes wide with shock.
'Because nothing could,' he added.
Her mouth dropped in astonishment. Blotchy scarlet rushed her complexion. One would have thought he'd shot her.
Oh dear God!
He realized belatedly how wrong it had sounded.
'No! God ... that is to say.. nothing is necessary to improve you. Nothing could possibly make you better ... than you already are. — Julie Anne Long
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Funny God Sayings By Josh Ruxin: Rwandans have a funny relationship with God, which they convey through a story that anyone Rwandans have a funny relationship with God, which they convey through a story that anyone can tell you: "God worked very hard for six days creating the heavens and the earth. But on the seventh day, he needed a break, so he picked Rwanda as the place to take a much needed sleep. God sleeps in Rwanda, then keeps busy at work everywhere else."
This story has two meanings: The negative take is that God is not in Rwanda to protect you or answer your prayers, that He comes here only to shut His eyes. The other interpretation of "God sleeps in Rwanda" is that the country is a mile up, cooler and more beautiful than any other place, and so, naturally, this would be where God comes when He is not punching the clock. His favorite place. It was the second interpretation that we needed to believe. — Josh Ruxin
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Funny God Sayings By Katie Coyle: I hear the chipper voice of the Church magazines chirping in my brain: You're in I hear the chipper voice of the Church magazines chirping in my brain: You're in a relationship with a boy who treats you as his emotional and spiritual equal. You feel a desire to express your affection through physical acts that will bring mutual pleasure. Do you (a) go for it! Sex is a natural gift from God, and a lot of fun so long as you do it safely!; (b) get him to propose! Sex is only fun if you do it in a Church of America-approved union! Plus, babies are so cute!; or (c) seek guidance from your local pastor for your sinful thoughts and ask for tips on expressing your love in a holy, nonphysical way? TRICK QUESTION! The answer is (d) the fact that you even momentarily considered having sex out of wedlock proves that you have no place in God's eternal kingdom, you reprehensible slut. — Katie Coyle
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Funny God Sayings By Brad Stine: It's about something that strikes you as funny but I do it with a Christian It's about something that strikes you as funny but I do it with a Christian world view: why we think the way we do based on God's plan. I lift up my God and my country and I resist political correctness. — Brad Stine
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Funny God Sayings By Bret Easton Ellis: If all of your friends are morons is it afelony, a misdemeanor or an act If all of your friends are morons is it a
felony, a misdemeanor or an act of God if
you blow their fucking heads off with a
thirty-eight magnum? — Bret Easton Ellis
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Funny God Sayings By FayJay: Oh, shit," said Arthur, covering his face with his hands for a moment and screwing Oh, shit," said Arthur, covering his face with his hands for a moment and screwing his eyes shut."You've been co-opted.She's got you spying on me already? My God,she's quick.""Oh, shut up and get over yourself!"exclaimed Merlin, indignantly."Not everything's about you,you know, your Royal Hotness. Highness. I said Highness. — FayJay
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Funny God Sayings By Ilona Andrews: Did those nice church ladies come by again?" He nodded. "I asked them if a Did those nice church ladies come by again?"
He nodded. "I asked them if a man died and then the woman remarried, and then the three of them met in heaven, would it be a sin for them to have a threesome, since they were all married in God's eye. And they decided they were late to be somewhere else. — Ilona Andrews
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Funny God Sayings By Celine Dion: To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god. To have your niece die in your arms is the greatest gift from god. — Celine Dion
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Funny God Sayings By Peter Steele: It's a funny thing, when you talk to God, you're religious, but when he talks It's a funny thing, when you talk to God, you're religious, but when he talks to you, you're a psychopath. — Peter Steele
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Funny God Sayings By Jessica Sorensen: It's because you aren't thinking very clearly tonight.""I know. Being Drunk is weird.""Oh my god. It's because you aren't thinking very clearly tonight."
"I know. Being Drunk is weird."
"Oh my god. I love you so much. Especially when you say stuff like that."
"Like what?"
"Nothing. Never mind. Although I'm dying to know why your shoe is green. — Jessica Sorensen
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Funny God Sayings By Daisy Ridley: I love Felicity Jones. It was funny because I went to go see the 'Rogue I love Felicity Jones. It was funny because I went to go see the 'Rogue One' set, and I was like, 'Oh my God, I love you.' And she's so tiny, and elegant, and she's just so small. Everyone's so much smaller than they seem. — Daisy Ridley
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Funny God Sayings By Laura Ruby: God will break California from the surface of the continent like someone breaking off a God will break California from the surface of the continent like someone breaking off a piece of chocolate. It will become its own floating paradise of underweight movie stars and dot-commers, like a fat-free Atlantis with superfast Wi-Fi. — Laura Ruby
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Funny God Sayings By Louie Anderson: I had been asking the universe and God to send me a way for me I had been asking the universe and God to send me a way for me to help me. Show business has been so wonderful to me, and it came in the form of that. It's just so funny how things come into your life, and if you take a chance on them, it might give you a brand new life. — Louie Anderson
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Funny God Sayings By John Fante: The bartender put a notepad and a pencil before me. Breathing hard, the pencil trembling, The bartender put a notepad and a pencil before me. Breathing hard, the pencil trembling, I wrote:
Dear Sinclair Lewis:
You were once a god, but now you are a swine. I once reverenced you, admired you, and now you are nothing. I came to shake your hand in adoration, you, Lewis, a giant among American writers, and you rejected it. I swear I shall never read another line of yours again. You are an ill-mannered boor. You have betrayed me. I shall tell H. L. Muller about you, and how you have shamed me. I shall tell the world.
Arturo Bandini
P.S. I hope you choke on your steak. — John Fante
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Funny God Sayings By Ellen DeGeneres: The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you" I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed. — Ellen DeGeneres
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Funny God Sayings By Tracy Morgan: Let's focus on the funny ... That's what I'm focused on ... This is the Let's focus on the funny ... That's what I'm focused on ... This is the gift God gave me. That's what I want to touch in people. — Tracy Morgan
Funny God Sayings By Jennie Allen: At some point, our faith and our words must become our actions and lives. Do At some point, our faith and our words must become our actions and lives. Do we talk more about God than we obey him? We aren't going to get to heaven and have God say, "Thanks for talking about doing so much for me with your friends. That was awesome!" Many of us have sat in Bible studies or retreats or church talking about what we want to change and how we want to live for God, only to go home and back to the routine of life. Change is a funny thing. It takes change to change. — Jennie Allen
Funny God Sayings By Nia Vardalos: I hold my daughter in my arms and thank God for bringing her to me. I hold my daughter in my arms and thank God for bringing her to me. If the standard route for creating a family had worked for me, I wouldn't have met this child. I needed to know her. I needed to be her mother. I know now why all those events happened. Or didn't happen. So I could meet this little girl. She is, in every way, my daughter. I am carrying my Funny Gift from God and all is good. — Nia Vardalos
Funny God Sayings By Benson Bruno: I don't have any regrets," a famous movie actor said in an interview I recently I don't have any regrets," a famous movie actor said in an interview I recently witnessed. "I'd live everything over exactly the same way."
"That's really pathetic," the talk show host said. "Are you seeking help?"
"Yeah. My shrink says we're making progress. Before, I wouldn't even admit that I would live it all over," the actor said, starting to choke up. "I thought one life was satisfying enough."
"My God," the host said, cupping his hand to his mouth.
"The first breakthrough was when I said I would live it over, but only in my dreams. Nocturnal recurrence."
"You're like the character in that one movie of yours. What's it called? You know, the one where you eat yourself."
"The Silence of Sam."
"That's it. Can you do the scene?"
The actor lifts up his foot to stick it in his mouth. I reach over from my seat and help him to fit it into his bulging cheeks. The audience goes wild. — Benson Bruno
Funny God Sayings By Bo Burnham: All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls. All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls. — Bo Burnham
Funny God Sayings By Zach Condon: I became very aware of what I was used to relying on, almost tricks. It's I became very aware of what I was used to relying on, almost tricks. It's funny because I could feel myself creating a formula and sticking with it and I just told myself, 'That's not me, that's not really how I am, god forbid I have developed a formula - it's music; songwriting.' It's heretic, honestly, in the church of music, so I had to unwind a few tricks in order to get past it. — Zach Condon
Funny God Sayings By Tara Janzen: Excuse me," she said, her voice tight. "But if I'd known there was going to Excuse me," she said, her voice tight. "But if I'd known there was going to be a firearms examination at the end of the kidnapping, by God, I would have studied for it! — Tara Janzen
Funny God Sayings By M.J. McGuire: The fool has said in his heart: pass me another Everlasting God-Stopper, please. The fool has said in his heart: pass me another Everlasting God-Stopper, please. — M.J. McGuire
Funny God Sayings By Carrie Vaughn: You know your all fucks! why am i so dichable? now how am i supposed You know your all fucks! why am i so dichable? now how am i supposed to kill you with out upseting that poor nice women!? God damnit alice i liked you why did you have to be such a bitch — Carrie Vaughn
Funny God Sayings By John Dos Passos: When they were all up playing in the nursery George caught something again and had When they were all up playing in the nursery George caught something again and had monia on account of getting cold on his chest and Yourfather was very solemn and said not to grieve if God called little brother away. But God brought little George back to them only he was delicate after that and had to wear glasses, and when Dearmother let Eveline help bathe him because Miss Mathilda was having the measles too Eveline noticed he had something funny there where she didn't have anything. She asked Dearmother if it was a mump, but Dearmother scolded her and said she was a vulgar little girl to have looked. Hush, child, don't ask questions. Evaline got red all over and cried and Adelaide and Margaret wouldn't speak to her for days on account of her being a vulgar little girl. — John Dos Passos
Funny God Sayings By Jacques Deval: God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages. — Jacques Deval
Funny God Sayings By Jennifer L. Armentrout: I'm not leaving, Kitten. You're going to do this.My mouth opened as did the door I'm not leaving, Kitten. You're going to do this.
My mouth opened as did the door behind us. Stomach dropping, I turned to see Mom standing there in all her fuzzy-bunny pajama glory. Oh, for the love of God. — Jennifer L. Armentrout
Funny God Sayings By Bill Maher: God knows life sucks. It's right there in the Bible. The book of Job is God knows life sucks. It's right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, "I can't take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me." — Bill Maher
Funny God Sayings By Cassandra Clare: The funny thing about mundies," Jace said, to nobody in particular, "is how obsessed with The funny thing about mundies," Jace said, to nobody in particular, "is how obsessed with magic they are for a bunch of people who don't even know what the word means."
I know what it means," Clary snapped.
No, you don't, you just think you do. Magic is a dark elemental force, not just a lot of sparkly wands and crystal balls and talking goldfish."
I never said it was a lot of talking goldfish, you-"
Jace waved a hand, cutting her off. "Just because you call an electric eel a rubber duck doesn't make it a rubber duck, does it? And God help the poor bastard who decides they want to take a bath with the duckie. — Cassandra Clare
Funny God Sayings By G.M. Jackson: According to Mark 11:12-13, God's messengers were not the only ones who were incompetent: 'He According to Mark 11:12-13, God's messengers were not the only ones who were incompetent: 'He [Jesus] was hungry. And on seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to see if he could find anything on it. When he came to it, he found nothing but leaves, for it was not the season for figs.'
Imagine Jesus, the divine, holy, wisest of the wise not knowing that figs were out of season. Now allegedly Jesus could have performed a miracle and made figs magically appear, but he preferred sour grapes instead: Then he said to the tree, 'May no one ever eat fruit from you again.' (Mark 11:14) — G.M. Jackson
Funny God Sayings By Pete Wentz: Underwear. It's like a god damned leash. It also constantly reminds me of how funny Underwear. It's like a god damned leash. It also constantly reminds me of how funny I look naked. — Pete Wentz
Funny God Sayings By Judy Blume: Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. — Judy Blume
Funny God Sayings By Homer: I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God. I was working on a flat tax proposal and accidentally proved there was no God. — Homer
Funny God Sayings By Ted Danson: At the time, my 6-year-old kept thinking my character's name was "Sam Alone," which is At the time, my 6-year-old kept thinking my character's name was "Sam Alone," which is kind of brilliant. The funny came out of Sam's sad core: the alcoholic, the sex addict, the person who thinks he's God's gift. — Ted Danson
Funny God Sayings By Cathy Hopkins: No, Mo," Miss Watkins said, turning to Nesta who was crying with laughter. "Nesta Williams, No, Mo," Miss Watkins said, turning to Nesta who was crying with laughter. "Nesta Williams, seeing as you clearly find it so funny. What do you think the name of God might be?"
"Er, not sure," said Nesta, looking caught out. "What do you think?"
"I don't think," said Miss Watkins."I know."
"I don't think I know either," giggled Nesta. The whole class got detention, but it was worth it. I felt like i'd spent the whole morning laughing my head off
We never did get to know what God's name was. — Cathy Hopkins
Funny God Sayings By Rebecca McNutt: ... MOM!" Martha finally screamed. "Mom, you've got to see these!""Is it about Hermione?" She ... MOM!" Martha finally screamed. "Mom, you've got to see these!"
"Is it about Hermione?" She exclaimed, rushing into the middle of the room. Her mouth dropped open in horror when she noticed Hermione's walls.
"I can't find any ... polite ... photos of her, mom."
"Why are there ones of her eating out of dumpsters and giving seniors the finger?"
"No idea," Martha replied.
"Oh god ... I'll get one out of my wallet," Her mom decided, hurrying out of the room frantically.
... It's funny how when one thing happens, it can make you forget about something else. — Rebecca McNutt
Funny God Sayings By Vaughn R. Demont: A cemetery?" I chuckle, but the pitch is a bit higher than I expected. "At A cemetery?" I chuckle, but the pitch is a bit higher than I expected. "At night? With a full moon? Um ... did you see any, uh, zombies, you, while you were there?"
Shiko blinks at me a few times. "No"
I slump in relief. "Thank God. I mean, I don't want to be the first to die. The funny guy always dies first, for shock value, you know. Rourke would get killed next, because it's be a heroic sacrifice or something." I motion to Shiko. "You'd live, though, unless you had sex."
... Shiko has the look of an addled kitten, complete with head tilt. Rourke sighs and leans toward her, embarrassed.
'You'll have to excuse him. According to his mother he has an irrational fear of something called the zombie apocalypse."
"It's not irrational! — Vaughn R. Demont
Funny God Sayings By Solange Nicole: Faith is Hope on a treadmill. Love is the reason we stay on. Faith is Hope on a treadmill. Love is the reason we stay on. — Solange Nicole
Funny God Sayings By Anthony Sampson: Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as 'Call Me God') to KCMG ('Kindly Members rise from CMG (known sometimes in Whitehall as 'Call Me God') to KCMG ('Kindly Call Me God') to .. the GCMG ('God Calls Me God'). — Anthony Sampson
Funny God Sayings By Jim Norton: God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits God, do I hate my little fat tits. You ever pinch your little meat tits and wish you were dead? You ever just stand naked in the mirror. "You little fat-titted mediocre failure!" You ever do that for 3 hours on New Year's Eve. — Jim Norton
Funny God Sayings By Joan Rivers: If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. — Joan Rivers
Funny God Sayings By Anthony Jeselnik: God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny. God, that Anthony Jeselnik Show sounds really funny. — Anthony Jeselnik
Funny God Sayings By Victoria Dahl: Thank God she wasn't wearing shorts. She hadn't shaved her legs in a week, theorizing Thank God she wasn't wearing shorts. She hadn't shaved her legs in a week, theorizing that October in the mountains was pretty darn cold and she might need the extra layer of insulation. — Victoria Dahl
Funny God Sayings By Adam Carolla: Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care. — Adam Carolla
Funny God Sayings By Kim Cormack: Mr. Monogamy doesn't find my shenanigans funny? Oh thank god, if you did I'd have Mr. Monogamy doesn't find my shenanigans funny? Oh thank god, if you did I'd have to chuck it all and join a monastery. — Kim Cormack
Funny God Sayings By Sherrilyn Kenyon: What's the one thing you want more than any other, prince?""My wife."Dionysus rolled his eyes. What's the one thing you want more than any other, prince?""My wife."Dionysus rolled his eyes. "Okay, what's the second thing you want?""My son."This time the god expelled a long exasperated breath. "Third? And if you name another family member, I will leave you here with Apollo, so help me, Zeus."Sadly, Styxx had no other family to name and only one other thing he craved. "To die.""Ah, you can be taught. Yah! And yeah, death. You kill Acheron and you die. I get to rule the world of man and everyone's happy." Hands on hips, Dionysus arched a brow. "So what do you say?""I say get me the fuck out of here. — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny God Sayings By K.F. Germaine: God (mentally on my knees), if I can just get through this night, I'll come God (mentally on my knees), if I can just get through this night, I'll come to church. On Christmas. Every fifteen years. For the next fifteen years. So once. — K.F. Germaine
Funny God Sayings By Cheyenne Kimball: I was shopping at my local mall in Dallas that I've gone to for like I was shopping at my local mall in Dallas that I've gone to for like three years now. And everyone was like "Oh my God, who's that? Who's that?" And I was like whatever, because you know, there are like 20 people traveling with me. It's like I have an entourage following me
which is so funny. — Cheyenne Kimball
Funny God Sayings By Miranda Kenneally: I figured you'd prefer that to skydiving or Sumo Wrestling Sunday.""What is Sumo Wrestling Sunday?" I figured you'd prefer that to skydiving or Sumo Wrestling Sunday."
"What is Sumo Wrestling Sunday?"
"We'd dress up in those sumo wrestling suits that would make us look real fat. And then we'd wrestle."
"Oh god lord," I mutter. " Shuffleboard Sunday sounds just fine."
"Good. I had no idea where I was gonna get sumo wrestling suits." I give him a look. — Miranda Kenneally
Funny God Sayings By Maggie Stiefvater: Sam came around the side of the car and stopped dead when he saw me. Sam came around the side of the car and stopped dead when he saw me. "Oh my God, what is THAT?" I used my thumb and middle finger to flick the multicolored pom-pom on top of my head. "In my language, we call it a HAT. It keeps my ears warm." "Oh my God," Sam said again, and closed the distance between us. He cupped my face in his hands and studied me. "It's horribly cute." He kissed me, looked at the hat, and then he kissed me again. I vowed never to lose the pom-pom hat. — Maggie Stiefvater
Funny God Sayings By Stephen Jay Gould: Odd arrangements and funny solutions are the proof of evolution - paths that a sensible Odd arrangements and funny solutions are the proof of evolution - paths that a sensible God would never tread but that a natural process, constrained by history, follows perforce. — Stephen Jay Gould
Funny God Sayings By Martin Amis: It's possible to be flippant here, when Jihadists fly aircraft into buildings they shout God It's possible to be flippant here, when Jihadists fly aircraft into buildings they shout God is Great, what do atheists shout when they do it? — Martin Amis
Funny God Sayings By Diana Rowland: God-fucking-damn but he was seriously good-looking. "Have you ever had the stuffed pancakes here? They're God-fucking-damn but he was seriously good-looking. "Have you ever had the stuffed pancakes here? They're evil. I highly recommend them."
"Heh. The cop is recommending evil," I said. "Too funny."
To my surprise, Ivanov chuckled. "You've discovered my dark side. — Diana Rowland
Funny God Sayings By John Green: I can't go to Amsterdam. One of my doctors thinks it's a bad idea."He was I can't go to Amsterdam. One of my doctors thinks it's a bad idea."
He was quiet for a second. "God," he said. "I should've just paid for it myself. Should've just taken you straight from the Funky Bones to Amsterdam."
"But then I would've had a probably fatal episode of deoxygenation in Amsterdam, and my body would have been shipped home in the cargo hold of an airplane," I said.
"Well, yeah," he said. "But before that, my grand romantic gesture would have totally gotten me laid."
I laughed pretty hard, hard enought that I felt where the chest tube had been.
"You laugh because it's true," he said.
I laughed again.
"It's true, isn't it!"
"Probably not," I said, and then after a moment added, "although you never know. — John Green
Funny God Sayings By Milton Jones: Why did we get together? Because God wanted us to do it. We were just Why did we get together? Because God wanted us to do it. We were just trying to do what God wants us to do. We didn't feel like we had much of a choice. — Milton Jones
Funny God Sayings By Demetri Martin: I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.' — Demetri Martin
Funny God Sayings By Tasha Smith: Mr. Idris Elba is amazing! He happens to be British, but what's funny about him Mr. Idris Elba is amazing! He happens to be British, but what's funny about him is that when he's speaking in his American dialect, he looks like he's a brother from the 'hood. But as soon as he brings out that English thing, I'm like, 'Woo! You look like you're from London. Oh my God!' It's like everything on him changes. He's so cool! — Tasha Smith
Funny God Sayings By Sara Sheridan: When the first book out my sister-in-law read it and we were chatting at 5 When the first book out my sister-in-law read it and we were chatting at 5 o'clock in the afternoon and she said, "Oh my God, chapter six, sex and a murder," and her five year old wandered into the kitchen and said, "Sixty hamburgers? — Sara Sheridan
Funny God Sayings By Ayn Rand: I think," said Dominique firmly, "that he is the most revolting person I've ever met." I think," said Dominique firmly, "that he is the most revolting person I've ever met." "Oh, now, really?" "Do you care for that sort of unbridled arrogance? I don't know what one could say for him, unless it's that he's terribly good-looking, if that matters." "Good-looking? Are you being funny, Dominique?" Kiki Holcombe saw Dominique being stupidly puzzled for once. And Dominique realized that what she saw in his face, what made it the face of a god to her, was not seen by others; that it could leave them indifferent; that what she had thought to be the most obvious, inconsequential remark was, instead, a confession of something within her, some quality not shared by others. — Ayn Rand
Funny God Sayings By Scarlett Brukett: GRANDMA: Are you a gay?ORPHEUS: I am straight. I'm definitely dating a girl, gran. Do GRANDMA: Are you a gay?
ORPHEUS: I am straight. I'm definitely dating a girl, gran. Do you think she's a man?
*She laughs*
ORPHEUS' BRAIN: Thank god she took it as a joke. I would have been executed on the town square for such a rude back answer. — Scarlett Brukett
Funny God Sayings By Dave Chappelle: The girl says "Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed The girl says "Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whore!" Which is true, Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way. Don't even forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is fucking confusing. It just is. Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle, the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me saying, "Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They're over here. Help us!" "Oh-hoh! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a police officer!" See what I mean? All right, ladies, fine. You are not a whore. But you are wearing a whore's uniform. — Dave Chappelle
Funny God Sayings By Steve Coogan: In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve. In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve. — Steve Coogan
Funny God Sayings By Tennessee Williams: I can find almost anything funny, thank God, so you search for the black, lacy I can find almost anything funny, thank God, so you search for the black, lacy slip that encases the corpse. You know, shift the angle. God may take away, but he often leaves you with a terrific opening line for the next adventure. I would suggest taking it. Move on; change the angle; look at it in a different way tomorrow. — Tennessee Williams
Funny God Sayings By Scott Turow: He smiled hesitantly and she smiled back in the same fashion, but he was unsettled He smiled hesitantly and she smiled back in the same fashion, but he was unsettled by the thought that Muriel had undergone a transformation. Some of the stuff that had come out of her mouth lately, about God or babies, made him wonder if she'd had a brain transplant at some point in the last ten years. It was funny what happened to people after forty, when they realized that our place here on earth was leased, not owned. — Scott Turow
Funny God Sayings By Robert Penn Warren: Dirt's a funny thing,' the Boss said. 'Come to think of it, there ain't a Dirt's a funny thing,' the Boss said. 'Come to think of it, there ain't a thing but dirt on this green God's globe except what's under water, and that's dirt too. It's dirt makes the grass grow. A diamond ain't a thing in the world but a piece of dirt that got awful hot. And God-a-Mighty picked up a handful of dirt and blew on it and made you and me and George Washington and mankind blessed in faculty and apprehension. It all depends on what you do with the dirt. That right? — Robert Penn Warren
Funny God Sayings By Jerry B. Jenkins: Know what?" he said. "The one I'm really mad at is God. I try not Know what?" he said. "The one I'm really mad at is God. I try not to, but the truth is, when you boil it down, he let me get cancer." "Humph," I said. "I always thought that God must trust you a lot to let you go through this." Jeff flinched. "What do you mean?" "Well, he knew you believed in him. He must have known how you would react. He trusted you to go through it." Jeff frowned. "That's a thought. He's the one giving me the strength. That's funny. I'm mad at the one giving me strength." I hadn't meant to be profound. It just slipped out. — Jerry B. Jenkins
Funny God Sayings By Carolyn Crane: God, Packard! Do you know how hard I worked atit?" I twist up the napkin God, Packard! Do you know how hard I worked at
it?" I twist up the napkin and whip it at him.
He deflects it. "There we go; I knew you could do it."
My mouth falls open. "Very funny."
He just laughs.
"I can't believe you! — Carolyn Crane
Funny God Sayings By Susan Mallery: She waved, laughing, waiting for him to go zooming past her. Instead he slowed, then She waved, laughing, waiting for him to go zooming past her. Instead he slowed, then came to a stop right in front of her.
"What are you doing?" she demanded, as he put his foot on the asphalt. She pointed to the finish line, a scant hundred yards away. "Go."
People around them started screaming. Josh ignored them all.
He pulled off his glasses. "How you doing?"
"Josh! This isn't funny. Move." She glanced over his shoulder, knowing the other racers would appear at any second. "Just finish. You can win. Then we'll talk."
"We can talk now."
She shrieked. "No! I said I was wrong. I said I loved you. What more do you want?"
"You," he said. "For always."
"Yes, yes. You can have that. Now go. Cross the finish line. It's right there. Can't see it? Hurry."
"You'll marry me?"
The man next to her turned. "For God's sake, lady. Marry him already. — Susan Mallery
Funny God Sayings By M.F. Moonzajer: A woman who is praying and a woman who is having fun, they both say A woman who is praying and a woman who is having fun, they both say " Oh My God", the only difference is how they pronounce it. — M.F. Moonzajer
Funny God Sayings By C.S. Forester: I thank God daily for the good fortune of my birth, for I am certain I thank God daily for the good fortune of my birth, for I am certain I would have made a miserable peasant. — C.S. Forester
Funny God Sayings By Sara Ney: I know you love me." Wistful and filled with wonder. "I love you, too."Somehow, it's I know you love me." Wistful and filled with wonder. "I love you, too."

Somehow, it's not enough. "For real though, babe. The only person I love more than you is myself."

A loud laugh fills the otherwise darkened room. "Oh my god, tell me you did not just say that."

Am I missing something here? "What's so damn funny? I'm being serious."

"The only person you love more than me is you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"You're ridiculous."

"But you love me?"

"So much. — Sara Ney
Funny God Sayings By John Green: Pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they Pg. 231-232: They'd given me a minivan. They could have picked any car and they picked a minivan. A minivan. O God of the Vehicular Justice, why dost thou mock me? Minivan, you albatross around my neck! You mark of Cain! You wretched beast high ceilings and few horsepower! — John Green
Funny God Sayings By Irene Hannon: Faith is a funny thing. It's easy to believe while life is rolling merrily along. Faith is a funny thing. It's easy to believe while life is rolling merrily along. But in times of trial, it's tempting to turn away from God. Yet that's when we need him the most. — Irene Hannon
Funny God Sayings By Gary Hopkins: Sometimes you just gotta wear the tinfoil hat. Sometimes you just gotta wear the tinfoil hat. — Gary Hopkins
Funny God Sayings By Jessica Park: Finn is God: So much for Earth Day. I totally screwed things up and started Finn is God: So much for Earth Day. I totally screwed things up and started celebrating the wrong planet. Now I have to collect all these stupid trademarked dog figurines that I distributed all of the yard. At least it's better than last year's mistake when I had butt statues everywhere. — Jessica Park
Funny God Sayings By Monica Johnson: It's funny how we 'do' Christmas. Christmas is not something that we do, it is It's funny how we 'do' Christmas. Christmas is not something that we do, it is something that was done. It celebrates the long awaited arrival of the Messiah, Jesus Christ. We had nothing to do with it, but what we can do is praise God for the coming of the Lord, who washed away the sins of the world by dying on the cross. — Monica Johnson
Funny God Sayings By Jason Graae: If you don't get a laugh I immediately think it's somebody else's fault. You can If you don't get a laugh I immediately think it's somebody else's fault. You can always blame the material. But when it's just yourself and songs that you've picked up because you love them and stories that you've written yourself and patter you think is really funny if that tanks, there's no one to blame it on. God knows, I try! — Jason Graae
Funny God Sayings By Dianne F. Gray: You know, bullying," her mother began. "I see it every day. Kids get bullied at You know, bullying," her mother began. "I see it every day. Kids get bullied at school, they get cyber bullied, text bullied, Myface bullied."
"Oh, God!" Arista groaned. "It's My Space or Facebook. Not Myface. — Dianne F. Gray
Funny God Sayings By Lenny Clarke: I can't get divorced because I'm a Catholic. Catholics don't get divorced. They stay together I can't get divorced because I'm a Catholic. Catholics don't get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended. — Lenny Clarke
Funny God Sayings By Rory Gallagher: It has affected me very much in the last 10 years. I get it from It has affected me very much in the last 10 years. I get it from my grandmother. She was very superstitious as well. I'm funny about numbers. It's become a phobia, so I have to watch it. It affects your day a lot. Before I go on stage, there are certain things I do that are semi-sort of Gypsy superstitious things, but I'm coping with them. It hasn't affected the music, thank God. If you got really bad, you'd say I'll pick that note instead of that one or sing this song before that. — Rory Gallagher
Funny God Sayings By Cassandra Clare: Jace: Herondale, on the other hand, is melodic. Dulcet, one might say. Think of the Jace: Herondale, on the other hand, is melodic. Dulcet, one might say. Think of the sound of 'Clary Herondale.'
Clary: Oh, my god, that sounds horrible.
Jace: We all must sacrifice for love. — Cassandra Clare
Funny God Sayings By Ilona Andrews: She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing ... "Here, kitty, She crouched with her hand out. What the hell was she doing ...
"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty."
Oh my God, she was retarded and I was going to kill Jim. — Ilona Andrews
Funny God Sayings By Oliver Bowden: By God, you Assassins are a cheery bunch, eh? All frowns and furrowed brows."He glared By God, you Assassins are a cheery bunch, eh? All frowns and furrowed brows."
He glared at me. "Captain Kenway. You have remarkable skill."
"Ah, thanks, mate. It comes natural. — Oliver Bowden