Funny Late Night Famous Quotes & Sayings

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18 Funny Late Night Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

Funny Late Night Sayings By Jose Mourinho: I do not want a player who is a perfect man and has a fantastic I do not want a player who is a perfect man and has a fantastic character. That's the kind of guy I want for my daughter as a man. — Jose Mourinho
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Funny Late Night Sayings By Sarah Silverman: I know I'm not funny. I mean, let's face it, I'm no Groucho Marx. But I know I'm not funny. I mean, let's face it, I'm no Groucho Marx. But if you're a guy, and you're watching late night television, are you gonna start jacking off to Groucho? I don't think so! — Sarah Silverman
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Funny Late Night Sayings By Shannon Dermott: Do you need help with anything?" he asked with a wicked arched brow. "Maybe with Do you need help with anything?" he asked with a wicked arched brow. "Maybe with cookies for Santa."
Scowling because no one was here but us, I said, "You're a bit late for that. Santa already came."
He hadn't moved, but I knew better than to think he would. Flynn was a pro at filling the bubble air space that was meant to be private and personal. "And were you a good girl?" he asked.
Awkwardly folding my arms over my chest, I said, "Not sure, I haven't checked. But you needn't look. We all know you are all bad."
Laughing, he said, "Yeah, well, there are other things worth unwrapping."
Grinding my teeth, I asked, "What, you didn't get your Ho, Ho, Ho, last night?"
Tossing back another full belly laugh, he said, "You know you're kind of funny when you want to be. — Shannon Dermott
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Funny Late Night Sayings By Tim Burton: I am not a big technology person. I don't go on the Internet really much I am not a big technology person. I don't go on the Internet really much at all. Drawing is like a zen thing; it's private, which in this day and age is harder to come by. — Tim Burton
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Funny Late Night Sayings By Jim Gaffigan: Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all Sometimes being lazy can get you in trouble. You ever not take a shower all weekend, just lounge around, then you're running late for work on Monday? There's always one person at work: "Something smells like smoke in here!" "Uh, I went to a barbeque on Friday night. Only had 48 hours to take a shower. Busy." — Jim Gaffigan
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Funny Late Night Sayings By Steven Wright: The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "Right here, officer." — Steven Wright
Funny Late Night Sayings By Norm MacDonald: When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like When I was young, I'd watch guys on 'The Tonight Show', Buddy Hackett, guys like that, where all they'd be is funny. Later, I remember, on 'Late Night with Letterman', I remember he'd have Jay Leno and Richard Lewis as first guests and the entire point was to entertain and be funny, and I think talk shows have kind of lost that. — Norm MacDonald
Funny Late Night Sayings By Paul Powers: Roadblock #5: It's UnpredictableBy and large, human beings don't like surprises. I know that I Roadblock #5: It's Unpredictable
By and large, human beings don't like surprises. I know that I don't. Okay, maybe I like that rare piece of unexpected good news or a letter from a friend or a thoughtful thank-you. But I'm willing to bet that people in funny hats jumping out of dark closets are responsible for more heart attacks than expressions of unbridled delight. When the doorbell rings late at night, I'm under no illusion that it's the Publisher's Clearing House Prize Patrol!
This, most likely, goes back to our caveman past when a big, exciting surprise was apt to be something like an 800-pound,snarling, saber-toothed tiger about to rip the head from our shoulders. Surprises were usually bad news. (Think about this the next time you're crouching in the dark in somebody's front hall closet with their raincoats and umbrellas.) — Paul Powers
Funny Late Night Sayings By Robert Murray M'Cheyne: For one look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ. For one look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ. — Robert Murray M'Cheyne
Funny Late Night Sayings By Steve Wozniak: It's funny how when you're up so late at night for so long your mind It's funny how when you're up so late at night for so long your mind can get into these creative places, the kind of creative places that come to you when you're halfway between asleep and awake. — Steve Wozniak
Funny Late Night Sayings By Don Winslow: Just across the bridge is the gigantic marketplace, the insatiable consumer machine that drives the Just across the bridge is the gigantic marketplace, the insatiable consumer machine that drives the violence here. North Americans smoke the dope, snort the coke, shoot the heroin, do the meth, and then have the nerve to point south (down, of course, on the map), and wag their fingers at the "Mexican drug problem" and Mexican corruption. — Don Winslow
Funny Late Night Sayings By Anthony Jeselnik: In a late-night monologue, it's not just about being funny; you have to come off In a late-night monologue, it's not just about being funny; you have to come off as knowledgeable. You have to cultivate a persona of trust and intelligence and likeability. — Anthony Jeselnik
Funny Late Night Sayings By Hiroko Sakai: When you paint late at night, drinking beer or wine or both, you gotta be When you paint late at night, drinking beer or wine or both, you gotta be very careful to watch what you are doing ... — Hiroko Sakai
Funny Late Night Sayings By Jill Paton Walsh: It's amazing [ ... ] how perfectly honest people who would starve rather than steal It's amazing [ ... ] how perfectly honest people who would starve rather than steal sixpence, will steal books without compunction. — Jill Paton Walsh
Funny Late Night Sayings By Scott Aukerman: I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's I'm not the type of guy who's funny in the room. I'm the guy who's funny late at night on a computer, trying to construct jokes. — Scott Aukerman
Funny Late Night Sayings By Dane Cook: I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show. — Dane Cook
Funny Late Night Sayings By Mitch Hedberg: There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!" — Mitch Hedberg
Funny Late Night Sayings By Garry Shandling: You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't. — Garry Shandling