Funny Say What Famous Quotes & Sayings

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100 Funny Say What Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

Funny Say What Sayings By John Vanderslice: The funny thing is that even engineers and techs don't know what a tiny telephone The funny thing is that even engineers and techs don't know what a tiny telephone connector is - people call them TT connectors. Engineers used to come by all the time and say, "Why are you called Tiny Telephone?" — John Vanderslice
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Funny Say What Sayings By Veronica Roth: I'm confused, Beatrice," she says. "What exactly do you want us to do?""I didn't come I'm confused, Beatrice," she says. "What exactly do you want us to do?"
"I didn't come here to ask you for help," I say. "I thought you should know that a lot of people are going to die, very soon. And I know you don't want to stay here doing nothing while that happens, even if some of your faction does."
She looks down, her crooked mouth betraying just how right I am.
"I also wanted to ask you if we can talk to the Erudite you're keeping safe here," I say. "I know they're hidden, but I need access to them."
"And what do you intend to do?" she says.
"Shoot them," I say, rolling my eyes.
"That isn't funny."
I sigh. "Sorry. I need information. That's all. — Veronica Roth
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Funny Say What Sayings By Jennifer Niven: It's funny, right? That even though we're basically alone in here"- he thumps his chest- It's funny, right? That even though we're basically alone in here"- he thumps his chest- "it's easy to lose track of yourself."

I want to say I know. I get it. It's easy to give everyone what they want. What's expected. The problem with doing this is you lose sight of where you truly begin and where the fake you, the one who tries to be everything to everyone, ends.

He smiles this sad smile. "I've been shitty."

"So I guess Dusty got to you too."

"I guess so. — Jennifer Niven
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Funny Say What Sayings By Mitchell Hurwitz: At the time, I used to say, "We should market this like Everybody Loves Raymond. At the time, I used to say, "We should market this like Everybody Loves Raymond. It's just a guy dealing with his family." Instead, it was irresistible to show all these funny people. So, I actually think this could be more inviting to a new audience because they can just watch one character, find out what's going on in his life, and then meet another character and find out what's going on in her life, and then see how it intersects the other one. — Mitchell Hurwitz
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Funny Say What Sayings By Robin Glasser: WHAT A CONCUBINE SHOULD NEVER SAY:In your case, ED is not a man's name. WHAT A CONCUBINE SHOULD NEVER SAY:
In your case, ED is not a man's name. — Robin Glasser
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Funny Say What Sayings By Haruki Murakami: I look up at the sky, wondering if I'll catch a glimpse of kindness there, I look up at the sky, wondering if I'll catch a glimpse of kindness there, but I don't. All I see are indifferent summer clouds drifting over the Pacific. And they have nothing to say to me. Clouds are always taciturn. I probably shouldn't be looking up at them. What I should be looking at is inside of me. Like staring down into a deep well. Can I see kindness there? No, all I see is my own nature. My own individual, stubborn, uncooperative often self-centered nature that still doubts itself
that, when troubles occur, tries to find something funny, or something nearly funny, about the situation. I've carried this character around like an old suitcase, down a long, dusty path. I'm not carrying it because I like it. The contents are too heavy, and it looks crummy, fraying in spots. I've carried it with me because there was nothing else I was supposed to carry. Still, I guess I have grown attached to it. As you might expect. — Haruki Murakami
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Funny Say What Sayings By Zia Haider Rahman: As I gather my thoughts here in order to get to the point, I am As I gather my thoughts here in order to get to the point, I am reminded of a joke Zafar made when he was still in banking. I say joke, but Zafar was always rather serious about banking and often talked about accountability, as he called it. This stuff is so esoteric, he once said, that the only people who understand it are in the business. What about regulators? I asked. Regulators, he replied, have one eye on the revolving door. Academics make money teaching traders their latest research, and politicians don't know their arses from their elbows. Can you imagine the people on a march against finance? The guy on a megaphone shouting: What do we want? And everyone answering: Specific curbs on short selling in certain circumstances. When do we want it? In phases and at appropriate times. That's the joke. It was funny at the time. — Zia Haider Rahman
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Funny Say What Sayings By Mira Monroe: You're tougher than you think, or we wouldn't be such great friends. You need to You're tougher than you think, or we wouldn't be such great friends. You need to snap out of it, Will." She snaps her fingers. "You, me - we don't belong here in your head."
"My head?"
"Ask yourself why you'd have me here, besides the fact that I'm awesome. I do what?" Her eyebrow raises.
I search and say the natural response: "Tell it like it is?"
She nods.
Ding ding ding. I'm winning the fair prize if I can just complete the puzzle. — Mira Monroe
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Funny Say What Sayings By John Godfrey Saxe: I asked of Echo 't other day (Whose words are few and often funny), What I asked of Echo 't other day (Whose words are few and often funny), What to a novice she could say Of courtship, love, and matrimony. Quoth Echo, plainly, Matter-o'-money. — John Godfrey Saxe
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Funny Say What Sayings By Katherine Applegate: I've always believed that to some extent you get to decide for yourself what your I've always believed that to some extent you get to decide for yourself what your life will be like. You can either look at the world and say "Oh, isn't it all so tragic, so grim, so awful." Or you can look at the world and decide that it's mostly funny.
If you step back far enough from the details, everything gets funny. You say war is tragic. I say, isn't it crazy the way people will fight over nothing? People fight wars to control crappy little patches of empty desert, for crying out loud. It's like fighting over an empty soda can. It's not so much tragic as it is ridiculous. Asinine! Stupid!
You say, isn't it terrible about global warming? And I say, no, it's funny. We're going to bring on global warming because we ran too many leaky air conditioners? We used too much spray deodorant, so now we'll be doomed to sweat forever? That's not sad. That's irony. — Katherine Applegate
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Funny Say What Sayings By Sarah Silverman: At some point, I figured that it would be more effective and far funnier to At some point, I figured that it would be more effective and far funnier to embrace the ugliest, most terrifying things in the world
the Holocaust, racism, rape, et cetera. But for the sake of comedy, and the comedian's personal sanity, this requires a certain emotional distance. It's akin to being a shrink or a social worker. you might think that the most sensitive, empathetic person would make the best social worker, but that person would end up being soup on the floor. It really takes someone strong
someone, dare I say, with a big fat wall up
to work in a pool of heartbreak all day and not want to fucking kill yourself. But adopting a persona at once ignorant and arrogant allowed me to say what I didn't mean, even preach the opposite of what I believed. For me, it was a funny way to be sincere. And like the jokes in a roast, the hope is that the genuine sentiment
maybe even a goodness underneath the joke (however brutal) transcends. — Sarah Silverman
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Funny Say What Sayings By Lawrence S. Ritter: Honus was a wonderful fellow, so good-natured and friendly to everyone. Gee, we loved that Honus was a wonderful fellow, so good-natured and friendly to everyone. Gee, we loved that guy. And the fans were crazy about him. Yeah, everybody loved that old Dutchman! If anyone told a good joke or a funny story, Honus would slap his knee and let out a loud roar and say, "What about that!" So — Lawrence S. Ritter
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Funny Say What Sayings By Brian Regan: We needed a refrigerator for our new place and I've never bought a refrigerator my We needed a refrigerator for our new place and I've never bought a refrigerator my whole life. I went into the appliance store, there's like 900 of 'em lined up, there's a salesman there. What's this guy supposed to say about refrigerators? Well you got this refrigerator here, This keeps all your food cold for 600 ... You've got this refrigerator, This keeps all your food cold for 800 ... Check this out, 1400, keeps all your food cold. — Brian Regan
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Funny Say What Sayings By Frank Portman: When you say 'I want to fit in,' you are essentially volunteering yourself as a When you say 'I want to fit in,' you are essentially volunteering yourself as a victim, and when the thing you want to fit in with is 'society' - well, as 'society' is just another word for government, you're basically begging the government to control you and use you as it wishes for its nefarious purposes, which can be pretty damn nefarious, if 'nefarious' means what I believe it does. — Frank Portman
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Funny Say What Sayings By Jane Cousins: Hey, what are you doing with your hand?" Eli's voice came out high pitched in Hey, what are you doing with your hand?" Eli's voice came out high pitched in surprise, as she clutched at Rafe's shoulders.
"It's the best place for leverage if you're going to make that ladder."
"My ass? Really?"
"What can I say, I've done the math, factored in the weight and height ratios and your ass is definitely where I will gain the most leverage in lifting you. — Jane Cousins
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Funny Say What Sayings By Bill Cosby: A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain. — Bill Cosby
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Funny Say What Sayings By Brodi Ashton: What? No heartbeat? Huh. Funny. Moving on, the bigger problem is why do I have What? No heartbeat? Huh. Funny. Moving on, the bigger problem is why do I have circles under my eyes?' "And he'd say, 'Wait a second. Did you hear me? No heart!' And we'd be all 'Yes, yes, we heard you. But other than missing a major organ, what's wrong with me?' And then he'd go on and on about the whole no-heart thing, and then I would try to distract him by doing that dance I do - you know, the one that looks like the running man. . . . But before I finish my entire routine, the doctor would be texting the CIA to tell them about my lack of heart, and the rounds of involuntary government testing would begin. — Brodi Ashton
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Funny Say What Sayings By Jessica Sorensen: It's because you aren't thinking very clearly tonight.""I know. Being Drunk is weird.""Oh my god. It's because you aren't thinking very clearly tonight."
"I know. Being Drunk is weird."
"Oh my god. I love you so much. Especially when you say stuff like that."
"Like what?"
"Nothing. Never mind. Although I'm dying to know why your shoe is green. — Jessica Sorensen
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Funny Say What Sayings By Lewis Carroll: I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 'I must I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud. 'I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think--' (for, you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a VERY good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) '--yes, that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude I've got to?' (Alice had no idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to say.) Presently she began again. 'I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth! How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies, I think--' (she was rather glad there — Lewis Carroll
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Funny Say What Sayings By Rachel Hawkins: It felt like some kind of honor, you know? Being asked to be the head It felt like some kind of honor, you know? Being asked to be the head of the Council's son-in-law. Plus, you dad, he, uh, told me a lot about you."
My voice was barely above a whisper. "What did he say?"
"That you were smart, and strong. Funny. That you had trouble using your powers, but you were always trying to use them to help people." He shrugged. "I thought we'd be a good match."
The vast dining room suddenly felt very small, like it consisted only of this table and me and Cal. — Rachel Hawkins
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Funny Say What Sayings By Ray Bradbury: You're a hopeless romantic," said Faber. "It would be funny if it were not serious. You're a hopeless romantic," said Faber. "It would be funny if it were not serious. It's not books you need, it's some of the things that once were in books. The same things could be in the 'parlor families' today. The same infinite detail and awareness could be projected through the radios, and televisors, but are not. No,no it's not books at all you're looking for! Take it where you can find it, in old phonograph records, old motion pictures, and in old friends; look for it in nature and look for it in yourself. Books were only one type or receptacle where we stored a lot of things we were afraid we might forget. There is nothing magical in them at all. The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us. Of course you couldn't know this, of course you still can't understand what I mean when i say all this. You are intuitively right, that's what counts. — Ray Bradbury
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Funny Say What Sayings By Stephen Colbert: I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do. — Stephen Colbert
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Funny Say What Sayings By Rainbow Rowell: He knew why he wanted to kiss her. Because she was beautiful. And before that, He knew why he wanted to kiss her. Because she was beautiful. And before that, because she was kind. And before that, because she was smart and funny. Because she was exactly the right kind of smart and funny. Because he could imagine taking a long trip with her without ever getting bored. Because whenever he saw something new and interesting, or new and ridiculous, he always wondered what she'd have to say about it
how many stars she'd give it and why. — Rainbow Rowell
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Funny Say What Sayings By August Westman: Do you want a ride home?""I rode my bike, and I don't really want to Do you want a ride home?"
"I rode my bike, and I don't really want to keep it here at the school."
"I have a truck, it won't be a problem to throw it into the bed."
"Well then, I suppose I don't really have an excuse to say no, do I?"
"I was going to hold your duffel hostage until you said yes anyway."
"Now what has my duffel bag ever done to you? — August Westman
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Funny Say What Sayings By Bella Jewel: Sugar, what the fuck did I say about games? I don't fuckin' play them. You Sugar, what the fuck did I say about games? I don't fuckin' play them. You ain't gonna make a scene about somethin' you don't know. Get out to my bike, shut your mouth and we'll talk."
"I hate you when you're bossy," I say, before spinning on my heel.
"You fuckin' love me, you moody little shit. — Bella Jewel
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Funny Say What Sayings By Hari Kondabolu: You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. Some of the best jokes came from people who meant it. See: Pryor, Bruce, Carlin, etc. — Hari Kondabolu
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Funny Say What Sayings By Hasan Minhaj: I've learned to start from a really sound argument, boil down the essence of what I've learned to start from a really sound argument, boil down the essence of what you're trying to say, then build your humor around that, rather than starting with, 'This sounds funny,' and going from there. — Hasan Minhaj
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Funny Say What Sayings By Mitch Hedberg: I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend, and I say something, he says, I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend, and I say something, he says, "What?" So I say it again, and he says, "What?" Really, it's just some insignificant stuff I'm saying, but now I'm yelling, "That tree is far away!" — Mitch Hedberg
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Funny Say What Sayings By Jennie Allen: At some point, our faith and our words must become our actions and lives. Do At some point, our faith and our words must become our actions and lives. Do we talk more about God than we obey him? We aren't going to get to heaven and have God say, "Thanks for talking about doing so much for me with your friends. That was awesome!" Many of us have sat in Bible studies or retreats or church talking about what we want to change and how we want to live for God, only to go home and back to the routine of life. Change is a funny thing. It takes change to change. — Jennie Allen
Funny Say What Sayings By Keith David: What has been happening more lately - of course, I also put in my bio, What has been happening more lately - of course, I also put in my bio, I say I do the voice of Goliath, but some people go - you know, I say something, and it's a funny thing when you work in this business, people will talk out loud in front of you like you're not there. — Keith David
Funny Say What Sayings By Ana Claudia Antunes: Some say Twitter is overrated.Some love it, others hate it.I guess it depends on what Some say Twitter is overrated.
Some love it, others hate it.
I guess it depends on what you've got,
If you have guts to write a funny plot! — Ana Claudia Antunes
Funny Say What Sayings By Lisa McMann: What did your mom say?""She said I better not be pregnant."Janie snorts. "What the hell What did your mom say?"
"She said I better not be pregnant."
Janie snorts. "What the hell is wrong with our parents, anyway? Wait
you're not, are you?"
"Of course not! Sheesh, Janers! I may not have gotten the best grades in school, but I'm not stupid. You know I'm on the Pill. And his Jimmy doesn't get near me without a raincoat, yadamean? Ain't nothin' getting through my little fortress! — Lisa McMann
Funny Say What Sayings By Bret Easton Ellis: What you need is a chick from Camden,' Van Patten says, after recovering from McDermott's What you need is a chick from Camden,' Van Patten says, after recovering from McDermott's statement.
Oh great,' I say. 'Some chick who thinks it's okay to fuck her brother.'
Yeah, but they think AIDS is a new band from England,' Price points out.
Where's dinner?' Van Patten asks, absently studying the question scrawled on his napkin. 'Where the fuck are we going?'
It's really funny that girls think guys are concerned with that, with diseases and stuff,' Van Patten says, shaking his head.
I'm not gonna wear a fucking condom,' McDermott announces.
I have read this article I've Xeroxed,' Van Patten says, 'and it says our chances of catching that are like zero zero zero zero point half a decimal percentage or something, and this no matter what kind of scumbag, slutbucket, horndog chick we end up boffing.'
Guys just cannot get it.'
Well, not white guys. — Bret Easton Ellis
Funny Say What Sayings By Terry Pratchett: Nanny Ogg was about to say: What? You mean not compliant and self-effacing like what Nanny Ogg was about to say: What? You mean not compliant and self-effacing like what you is, Esme? But she stopped herself. You didn't juggle matches in a fireworks factory. — Terry Pratchett
Funny Say What Sayings By Elton John: From the start, I've always admired Eminem's thinking. That's the reason I wanted to appear From the start, I've always admired Eminem's thinking. That's the reason I wanted to appear on the Grammys with him when I was asked. Eminem has the balls to say what he feels and to make offensive things funny. That's very necessary today in America, with people being muzzled and irony becoming a lost art. Artists like Eminem who use their free speech to get a point across are vitally important. There just aren't many people in the world with balls that big and talent that awesome. — Elton John
Funny Say What Sayings By Alex Sanchez: Playboy stretched his arm, patting Carlos on the back. Well, you know what they say: Playboy stretched his arm, patting Carlos on the back. Well, you know what they say: If you love someone, let'em go. If they don't come back, hunt'em down and kill'em! — Alex Sanchez
Funny Say What Sayings By Rachel Brookes: I choked on the air I'd just sucked in and swung around in disbelief. "What I choked on the air I'd just sucked in and swung around in disbelief. "What did you just say?"
"Me and the whole PD heard about your wet bra, so I'm assuming your panties are wet too. — Rachel Brookes
Funny Say What Sayings By Mitch Hedberg: As an adult, I'm not supposed to go down slides. So if I'm at the As an adult, I'm not supposed to go down slides. So if I'm at the top of a slide, I have to pretend that I got there accidentally. "How the hell did I get up here? I guess I have to slide down. Whee!" That's what you say when you're having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people. — Mitch Hedberg
Funny Say What Sayings By Zach Galifianakis: We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny. — Zach Galifianakis
Funny Say What Sayings By Simone Elkeles: You think you've never been wrong before?"-alex"sure i have why just last week I bought You think you've never been wrong before?"-alex
"sure i have why just last week I bought bobbi brown sandwash petal lip gloss when the pink blossom color would have looked so much better with my complexion. needless to say the purchase was a total disaster"- brittney
"ill bet"-alex.
"havent you ever been wrong before?"-brittany
"absolutely. last week, when i robbed that bank over by the walgreens, I told the teller to hand over all the fifties he had in the till. what i really should have asked for was the twenties 'cause there were way more twenties than fifties"- alex
"what a disaster"- brittany — Simone Elkeles
Funny Say What Sayings By David Nicholls: I think what it is is, if you're in school and you're not that bright I think what it is is, if you're in school and you're not that bright or good-looking or popular or whatever, and one day you say something and someone laughs, well, you sort of grab onto it, don't you? You think, well I run funny and I've got this stupid big face and big thighs and no-one fancies me, but at least I can make people laugh. And it's such a nice feeling, making someone laugh, that maybe you get a bit reliant on it. Like, if you;re not funny then you're not ... anything — David Nicholls
Funny Say What Sayings By Ana Claudia Antunes: What did the soup say to the tea plate? "You're too shallow for me. I What did the soup say to the tea plate?
"You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours. — Ana Claudia Antunes
Funny Say What Sayings By Jeanne Birdsall: Mere children, ha!" said Jane. "I say we tie up the knave and then discuss Mere children, ha!" said Jane. "I say we tie up the knave and then discuss his fate."
Since everyone thought this a good idea, Batty and Hound donated Jeffrey's neckties, and soon Bug Man, aka Sock or Spock, aka Norman Birnbaum, was bound hand and foot. Jane, Batty, and Hound then took a few minutes to be Aztec priests calling for blood, until Rosalind quieted them down. Norman was slime, but that was no reason to terrify him.
Then came a long discussion about what they should do next... Jane's suggestion of throwing Norman into their basement so that he could dwell on his sins was rejected outright. — Jeanne Birdsall
Funny Say What Sayings By Derek Landy: Everyone gets tortured these days. Skulduggery by Serpine, who then turned around and did that Everyone gets tortured these days. Skulduggery by Serpine, who then turned around and did that red right hand thing at you. Then Skulduggery was tortured again by the Faceless Ones. I figured it was my turn, you know? You're not part of the team if you haven't been tortured- that's what I always say. Well, I'll be saying that from now on anyway. — Derek Landy
Funny Say What Sayings By Dwyane Wade: The funny thing is, last summer we were golfing together, me, him and Alonzo [Mourning]. The funny thing is, last summer we were golfing together, me, him and Alonzo [Mourning]. I don't know how to golf, but it's an unbelievable opportunity to go out and golf with one of the greats. And he's out there making fun of my swing - I can't hit the ball - and I'm getting frustrated because I'm a competitor. So Alonzo pulled me aside and said, 'Man, you're getting the chance to golf with Bill Russell. How many people can say they've done that?' And I looked at him and said, 'You know what? You're right.' — Dwyane Wade
Funny Say What Sayings By Anjelica Huston: Of course drugs were fun. And that's what's so stupid about anti-drug campaigns: they don't Of course drugs were fun. And that's what's so stupid about anti-drug campaigns: they don't admit that. I can't say I feel particularly scarred or lessened by my experimentation with drugs. They've gotten a very bad name. — Anjelica Huston
Funny Say What Sayings By Suzanne Palmieri: Magic is a funny term,' she'd say. 'There is nothing supernatural about the earth. As Magic is a funny term,' she'd say. 'There is nothing supernatural about the earth. As long as you know what does what. — Suzanne Palmieri
Funny Say What Sayings By Robert Schimmel: What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's a pit bull, you say, "You better let him finish." — Robert Schimmel
Funny Say What Sayings By Sara Zarr: You didn't call me last night.""Was I supposed to?"He looked down. "Just figured now that You didn't call me last night."
"Was I supposed to?"
He looked down. "Just figured now that you had my number ... Kept my phone on all night, just in case." He laughed. "I started to worry that it didn't work. Actually went out to a pay phone to test it."
"You could have called me. That way you left me after lunch on Saturday, I figured ... " I ended there and shrugged, not wanting to be mad at him or get into any kind of argument. "Anyway, after auditions I went to the gym with Steph, and I'm so behind in my homework it's not even funny." Of course I'd punched in his number about eighteen times without actually ever calling him. I wasn't sure what I'd say, and worried about how I'd feel if he didn't answer.
"I shouldn't have left like that on Saturday."
"Yeah, well." I waved my hands. "Don't worry about it. I have to finish getting ready. There's cereal and stuff ... just make yourself at home. — Sara Zarr
Funny Say What Sayings By James Green: Then one day along come a Friday and that a unlucky star day and I Then one day along come a Friday and that a unlucky star day and I playin' round de house and marster Williams come up and say, "Delis, will you 'low Jim walk down the street with me?" My mammy say, "All right, Jim, you be a good boy," and dat de las' time I ever heard her speak, or ever see her. We walks down whar de houses grows close together and pretty soon comes to de slave market. I ain't seed it 'fore, but when marster Williams says, "Git up on de block," I got a funny feelin', and I knows what has happened. — James Green
Funny Say What Sayings By Randa Abdel-Fattah: I just don't know what I'd do without a brain, Simone!" I say. "I mean, I just don't know what I'd do without a brain, Simone!" I say. "I mean, what's a person without one? — Randa Abdel-Fattah
Funny Say What Sayings By Sherrilyn Kenyon: What's the one thing you want more than any other, prince?""My wife."Dionysus rolled his eyes. What's the one thing you want more than any other, prince?""My wife."Dionysus rolled his eyes. "Okay, what's the second thing you want?""My son."This time the god expelled a long exasperated breath. "Third? And if you name another family member, I will leave you here with Apollo, so help me, Zeus."Sadly, Styxx had no other family to name and only one other thing he craved. "To die.""Ah, you can be taught. Yah! And yeah, death. You kill Acheron and you die. I get to rule the world of man and everyone's happy." Hands on hips, Dionysus arched a brow. "So what do you say?""I say get me the fuck out of here. — Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny Say What Sayings By C.J. Redwine: That's not what he meant," Rachel says again, pink flushing her cheeks."Actually, I meant-" I That's not what he meant," Rachel says again, pink flushing her cheeks.
"Actually, I meant-" I start to say, but Willow cuts me off.
"What? It's true. He looks at you like he'd like to dip you in sugar and eat you up. — C.J. Redwine
Funny Say What Sayings By Sarah Rees Brennan: Do you get the feeling that they're talking about someone else other than an article?"Kami Do you get the feeling that they're talking about someone else other than an article?"
Kami stared at her fork, lying forlornly askew on her plate. "I don't know what you could mean! You are talking crazy!"
" They are talking about boys," Dad told Tomo and Ten. " I believe your mother may have concerns about Kami and a Lynburn boy. Possibly in a tree. Potentially k-i-s-s-i-n-g. I couldn't say. — Sarah Rees Brennan
Funny Say What Sayings By Mario Testino: Some of my friends say that I only talk about myself. But it is funny: Some of my friends say that I only talk about myself. But it is funny: my house is covered in art but with nothing of my own, and when I'm working, I'm only thinking about what the client wants. So I don't see it that way, but maybe it's true. I mean, they are my friends. — Mario Testino
Funny Say What Sayings By Stephen Wright: A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, How to Build a Boat. — Stephen Wright
Funny Say What Sayings By Flannery O'Connor: He and the girl had almost nothing to say to each other. One thing he He and the girl had almost nothing to say to each other. One thing he did say was, 'I ain't got any tattoo on my back.'
'What you got on it?' the girl said.
'My shirt,' Parker said. 'Haw.'
'Haw, haw,' the girl said politely. — Flannery O'Connor
Funny Say What Sayings By Donald Miller: When I say I love you and you don't believe me, you're being a jerk. When I say I love you and you don't believe me, you're being a jerk. Basically what you're saying is I only love conditionally. You think you're being self-deprecating and funny, but you're really saying I'm not a good enough person to love you if you have a few flaws. It gets old. — Donald Miller
Funny Say What Sayings By Matt Labash: Greg Gutfeld is funnier than all the smart people I know, and smarter than all Greg Gutfeld is funnier than all the smart people I know, and smarter than all the funny people I know. I don't know what that makes him. But one of the smartest, funniest people I know, is fair to say. — Matt Labash
Funny Say What Sayings By Elliott Erwitt: I see no difference between my pictures that people consider amusing and the rest. To I see no difference between my pictures that people consider amusing and the rest. To me, it's all serious work - they're just a reaction to what I see. I don't leave this apartment in the morning and say to myself 'Today I'm going to be funny and tomorrow I'm going to be sad.' — Elliott Erwitt
Funny Say What Sayings By MaryJanice Davidson: Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?""Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?"
"Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth."
"Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms. — MaryJanice Davidson
Funny Say What Sayings By Taylor Swift: Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life, saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial, in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've begun to fear more that that is letting the moment pass without saying anything.
I think most of us fear reaching the end of our life, and looking back, regretting the moments we didn't speak up. When we didn't say "I love you." When we should've said "I'm Sorry." When we didn't stand up for ourselves or some one who needed help. — Taylor Swift
Funny Say What Sayings By Paul Watson: It's funny but when young people say to me "what can I study to be It's funny but when young people say to me "what can I study to be a force for change, should I study law or biology or business?" My answer is music, drama, journalism, communications. — Paul Watson
Funny Say What Sayings By Zack Snyder: My personal success would be that people understand what I was trying to do. It My personal success would be that people understand what I was trying to do. It was the most palatable when I watchmen_7_mdid Dawn. With Watchmen, too, I feel the same way. The movie's ironic and satirical and it's funny and serious and that's kind of the same way I felt about Dawn. Like I really was making a movie that knows it's a zombie movie and enjoys that and wants the audience to say, yeah, that's okay. — Zack Snyder
Funny Say What Sayings By Jo Brand: If I am totally honest, I would have to say that 'Allo 'Allo!' was not If I am totally honest, I would have to say that 'Allo 'Allo!' was not my cup of tea, even though lots of people loved it. For that reason, I find comedy fascinating. There is a huge difference between what people find funny. — Jo Brand
Funny Say What Sayings By J.R. Ward: Funny, transformative events were not always scheduled and not always expected. Yeah, sure, your change Funny, transformative events were not always scheduled and not always expected. Yeah, sure, your change turned you into a male. And when you went through the mating ceremony, you were part of a whole. No longer just yourself. And the deaths and the births around you made you view the world differently.
But every once in a while, from out of the blue, someone reaches the quiet place where you spend your private time and changes the way you see yourself. If you're lucky it's your mate ... the transformation reminds you once again that you are absolutely, positively with the right person: because what they say doesn't touch you because of who they are to you, but because of the content of their message.
J.R. Ward
Funny Say What Sayings By Etgar Keret: When I was a kid, I wanted to make my parents happy. I'd always say When I was a kid, I wanted to make my parents happy. I'd always say to them, "What do you want me to do? Do sports? Be rich? Be funny?" My mother would say, "Whatever we want from you, you already gave us - we wanted you to be alive, and you made it." — Etgar Keret
Funny Say What Sayings By Robert Lowell: Would you like me to write Mrs. Ames about inviting you to Yaddo? Get Miss Would you like me to write Mrs. Ames about inviting you to Yaddo? Get Miss Moore to write too. You can't invite yourself, though, of course, almost all the invitations are planned. It would be marvelous to have you there. I know the solitude that gets too much. It doesn't drug me, but I get fantastic and uncivilized.
At last my divorce [from Jean Stafford] is over. It's funny at my age to have one's life so much in and on one's hands. All the rawness of learning, what I used to think should be done with by twenty-five. Sometimes nothing is so solid to me as writing - I suppose that's what vocation means - at times a torment, a bad conscience, but all in all, purpose and direction, so I'm thankful, and call it good, as Eliot would say. — Robert Lowell
Funny Say What Sayings By Ayn Rand: I think," said Dominique firmly, "that he is the most revolting person I've ever met." I think," said Dominique firmly, "that he is the most revolting person I've ever met." "Oh, now, really?" "Do you care for that sort of unbridled arrogance? I don't know what one could say for him, unless it's that he's terribly good-looking, if that matters." "Good-looking? Are you being funny, Dominique?" Kiki Holcombe saw Dominique being stupidly puzzled for once. And Dominique realized that what she saw in his face, what made it the face of a god to her, was not seen by others; that it could leave them indifferent; that what she had thought to be the most obvious, inconsequential remark was, instead, a confession of something within her, some quality not shared by others. — Ayn Rand
Funny Say What Sayings By David Sedaris: Sometimes, when I find it hard to sleep, I'll think of when we first met, Sometimes, when I find it hard to sleep, I'll think of when we first met, of the newness of each other's body, and my impatience to know everything about this person. Looking back, I should have taken it more slowly, measured him out over the course of fifty years rather than cramming him in so quickly. By the end of our first month together, he'd been so thoroughly interrogated that all I had left was breaking news - what little had happened in the few hours since I'd last seen him. Were he a cop or an emergency-room doctor, there might have been a lot to catch up on, but, like me, Hugh works alone, so there was never much to report. "I ate some potato chips," he might say, to which I'd reply, "What kind?" or "That's funny, so did I!" More often than not we'd just breathe into our separate receivers.
Are you still there?"
I'm here."
Good. Don't hang up."
I won't. — David Sedaris
Funny Say What Sayings By Bill Engvall: I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn't know it 'till he hit the ground. Oh, he flew off that tower, hollering at his buddies. "Whoo, check me out, dudes! Oh, that ground is coming up ... " WHAM! And what do you say, if you're the operator of that ride, to the next guy in line? "All right dude, you're up." — Bill Engvall
Funny Say What Sayings By Miriam Toews: Irma, she said. But I had started to walk away. I heard her say some Irma, she said. But I had started to walk away. I heard her say some more things but by then I had yanked my skirt up and was running down the road away from her and begging the wind to obliterate her voice. She wanted to live with me. She missed me. She wanted me to come back home. She wanted to run away. She was yelling all this stuff and I wanted so badly for her to shut up. She was quiet for a second and I stopped running and turned around once to look at her. She was a thimble-sized girl on the road, a speck of a living thing. Her white-blond hair flew around her head like a small fire and it was all I could see because everything else about her blended in with the countryside.
He offered you a what? she yelled.
An espresso! I yelled back. It was like yelling at a shorting wire or a burning bush.
What is it? she said.
Coffee! I yelled.
Irma, can I come and live
I turned around again and began to run. — Miriam Toews
Funny Say What Sayings By Ana Claudia Antunes: What did the mat say to the door? You must be really aDOORable to open What did the mat say to the door? You must be really aDOORable to open up to everyone who knock at you. And I welcome everyone and what do I get? People stepping all over me — Ana Claudia Antunes
Funny Say What Sayings By Bill Cosby: I didn't like what was on TV in terms of sitcoms-it had nothing to do I didn't like what was on TV in terms of sitcoms-it had nothing to do with the color of them-I just didn't like any of them. I saw little kids, let's say 6 or 7 years old, white kids, black kids. And the way they were addressing the father or the mother, the writers had turned things around, so the little children were smarter than the parent or the caregiver. They were just not funny to me. I felt that it was manipulative and the audience was looking at something that had no responsibility to the family. — Bill Cosby
Funny Say What Sayings By Dan Thompson: During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. During job interviews, when they ask: 'What is your worst quality?', I always say: 'Flatulence'. That way I get my own office. — Dan Thompson
Funny Say What Sayings By Carl Crawford: We watch so much film, calling up pitch by pitch, count by count in order We watch so much film, calling up pitch by pitch, count by count in order to spot tendencies. Technology is a big part of how I get ready for a game. What's funny is a lot of the NFL guys say they study the 'Madden' game; that's how they learn to read offenses and defenses. — Carl Crawford
Funny Say What Sayings By Sara Ney: I know you love me." Wistful and filled with wonder. "I love you, too."Somehow, it's I know you love me." Wistful and filled with wonder. "I love you, too."

Somehow, it's not enough. "For real though, babe. The only person I love more than you is myself."

A loud laugh fills the otherwise darkened room. "Oh my god, tell me you did not just say that."

Am I missing something here? "What's so damn funny? I'm being serious."

"The only person you love more than me is you?"

"Yeah, so?"

"You're ridiculous."

"But you love me?"

"So much. — Sara Ney
Funny Say What Sayings By Jared Polis: I'm too busy thinking what I'm going to say next to remember what I've said, I'm too busy thinking what I'm going to say next to remember what I've said, but my staff tells me I'm sometimes funny. Not always on purpose, though. — Jared Polis
Funny Say What Sayings By Alan W. Watts: He has a funny look in his eyes as if to say, "Come off it, He has a funny look in his eyes as if to say, "Come off it, Shiva, I know what you are up to, I know what you are doing." And you say, "What, me?" So he looks at you in this funny way until finally you get the feeling that he sees all the way through you; and that all your selfishness and evil, nasty thoughts are transparent to his gaze. Then you have to try and alter them. He suggests that you practice the control of the mind, that you become interiorly silent, and that you give up selfish desires of the skin-encapsulated self. Then you may have some success in quieting your mind and in concentrating. But after that, he will throw a curve at you, which is: Are you not still desiring not to desire? Why are you trying to be unselfish? Well, the answer is, "I want to be on the side of the big battalions. I think it is going to pay off better to be unselfish than to be selfish. — Alan W. Watts
Funny Say What Sayings By E.A. Bucchianeri: There was one new metallic monstrosity stacked in one corner that she hadn't seen the There was one new metallic monstrosity stacked in one corner that she hadn't seen the last time she was a visitor to his strange chamber, it appeared to be a mass of hard drives all fused together, but they looked too sophisticated to be merely hard drives.
"What on earth is that?"
"That's my Kung Fu," he said proudly, patting the top of the futuristic-looking stack.
"Is that what you wanted to show me?"
"No, but it's impressive, isn't it?"
"If you say so."
Steves sighed and shook his head, so few people could appreciate the intellectual complexity of an almost untraceable hacking device. — E.A. Bucchianeri
Funny Say What Sayings By Emma Cline: Money is ego, and people won't give it up. Just want to protect themselves, hold Money is ego, and people won't give it up. Just want to protect themselves, hold on to it like a blanket. They don't realize it keeps them slaves. It's sick" "What's funny is that as soon as you give everything away, as soon as you say, Here, take it - that's when you really have everything". — Emma Cline
Funny Say What Sayings By Eva Longoria: I would say 80% of the scripts I get are dramas and not comedies or I would say 80% of the scripts I get are dramas and not comedies or romantic comedies, which is funny because that's what I do every week. — Eva Longoria
Funny Say What Sayings By Aziz Ansari: One girl raved about a nice voicemail a guy had recently left her. I kindly One girl raved about a nice voicemail a guy had recently left her. I kindly requested she play it and heard this gem: 'Hey, Lydia. It's Sam. Just calling to say what's up. Gimme a ring when you get a chance.'

THAT WAS IT.

I pleaded to know what was so great about this. She sweetly recalled that 'he remembered my name, he said hi, and he told me to call him back.'

Never mind the fact that what she described was the content of LITERALLY EVERY VOICE MAIL IN HISTORY. Name, hello, please call back. Not really a boatload of charm on display. To fail this test, a guy would have to leave a message that said: 'No greeting. This is man. I don't remember you. End communication. — Aziz Ansari
Funny Say What Sayings By Rachel Caine: She came awake, stomach rumbling, and opened her eyes to see a plate being held She came awake, stomach rumbling, and opened her eyes to see a plate being held right under her nose.
When she reached for it, Shane snatched it back. 'Nuh-uh. Mine.'
'Share!' she demanded.
'Man, you are one grabby girlfriend.'
She grinned. It always made her feel so fiercly warm inside to hear him say that- the girlfriend part, not the grabby part.
'If you love me, you'll give me a taco.'
'Seriously? That's all you got? What about you'll do sexy, illegal things to me for a taco?'
'Not for a taco,' she said. 'I'm not cheap.'
'They're brisket tacos.'
'Now you're talking. — Rachel Caine
Funny Say What Sayings By P.G. Wodehouse: Cheer up, Crips, and keep smiling. That's the thing to do. If you go through Cheer up, Crips, and keep smiling. That's the thing to do. If you go through life with a smile on your face, you'll be amazed how many people will come up to you and say 'What the hell are you grinning about? What's so funny?' Make you a lot of new friends. — P.G. Wodehouse
Funny Say What Sayings By Hugh Laurie: [ ... ] and as I walked, I tried to see the funny side. It [ ... ] and as I walked, I tried to see the funny side. It wasn't easy, and I'm still not sure that I managed it properly, but it's just something I like to do when things aren't going well. Because what does it mean, to say that things aren't going well? Compared to what? You can say: compared to how things were going a couple of hours ago, or a couple of years ago. But that's not the point. If two cars are speeding towards a brick wall with no brakes, and one car hits the wall moments before the other, you can't spend those moments saying that the second car is much better off than the first. — Hugh Laurie
Funny Say What Sayings By Jonathan Tropper: What would you like to do today?" he says. She gives him a funny look. What would you like to do today?" he says. She gives him a funny look. "What are my options?" "Sky's the limit." She considers it for a moment. "Brunch?" "I say the sky's the limit and all you can come up with is brunch?" "I'm just not sure we live under the same sky. — Jonathan Tropper
Funny Say What Sayings By J.D. Robb: Oh shit, oh shit, stupid shower present!"Now she did pull her hair as she made Oh shit, oh shit, stupid shower present!"
Now she did pull her hair as she made the dash to her office.
Roarke sat in her visitor's chair, comfortably involved with his PPC. He glanced up, let loose a regretful sigh. "You changed. And I didn't have any time to ogle you in uniform."
"I have to go shopping!"
Staring at her, Roarke pressed his fingertips to his temple. "I'm sorry, I believe I must have had a small stroke. What did you say?"
"This isn't funny." She bent down, gripped him by the lapels. "I forgot to get a thing for the thing, and I don't even know what the thing is supposed to be. Now I have to go out and hunt something down. Except - " Her eyes went from slightly mad to speculative. "We have all kinds of things around the house. Couldn't I just wrap something up and - "
"No."
"Crap! — J.D. Robb
Funny Say What Sayings By Seinfeld 2000: The waitress walk away. Everyone look's at each other and then laugh. The laugh it The waitress walk away. Everyone look's at each other and then laugh. The laugh it feel so cathartic. It break the ice and sudenly the mood feel like old times. They may not have money now to aford food, but they still have each other. And forget what Maslow's "heirarchey of needs" say: some time's freindship is more important than nutrient's. — Seinfeld 2000
Funny Say What Sayings By Ricky Gervais: Funny bones, to me, are more important than funny lines. If a comedian is just Funny bones, to me, are more important than funny lines. If a comedian is just not likable and doing the lines, you could read them yourself. Whereas if someone [you like] shambles out, and they tell you what a bad day they've had, they don't have to say anything. I love them. I want to hug them because they've been through something. And it comes back to empathy, always empathy. — Ricky Gervais
Funny Say What Sayings By Darynda Jones: And I like the light-up.""The what?""The light-up," he'd say. "You know, that look people get And I like the light-up."
"The what?"
"The light-up," he'd say. "You know, that look people get when they finally realize you're for real. It's like electricity. It makes me tingle all over. Like a blanket full of static."
Ew. "Really? I've never heard that."
"Yeah, and I like it when people realize we're out here."
I leaned in close once and asked him, "Do you want your mom to realize you're out here? Do you want her to know?"
"Nah. It took her too long to get over me."
All in all, he was a good kid. — Darynda Jones
Funny Say What Sayings By Kresley Cole: Is your blouse Azzedine Alaia?''No, you could say it's VERY authentic vintage.'Lachlain didn't care what Is your blouse Azzedine Alaia?'
'No, you could say it's VERY authentic vintage.'
Lachlain didn't care what it was; she'd never wear that damned unfinished shirt in public again. — Kresley Cole
Funny Say What Sayings By Natasha Leggero: What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around the country, and sometimes the world, and work on it and see how people react. You don't need Standards & Practices or notes from lawyers or producers to tell you what's funny. — Natasha Leggero
Funny Say What Sayings By Ray Bradbury: I sometimes think drivers don't know what grass is, or flowers, because they never see I sometimes think drivers don't know what grass is, or flowers, because they never see them slowly," she said. "If you showed a driver a green blur, Oh yes! he'd say, that's grass! A pink blur? That's a rose-garden! White blurs are houses. Brown blurs are cows. My uncle drove slowly on a highway once. He drove forty miles an hour and they jailed him for two days. Isn't that funny, and sad, too? — Ray Bradbury
Funny Say What Sayings By Ellen DeGeneres: What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out. What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out. — Ellen DeGeneres
Funny Say What Sayings By Paula Deen: I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny. — Paula Deen
Funny Say What Sayings By Imbolo Mbue: Who knows what kind of marriage they have? The kinds of marriage people have in Who knows what kind of marriage they have? The kinds of marriage people have in this country, Bo, very strange. It's not like back home where a man can do as he sees fit and a woman follows him. Over here it's reversed. Women tell their men what they want and the men do it, because they say happy wife, happy life. This society is funny. — Imbolo Mbue
Funny Say What Sayings By Lewis Black: That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to That's the funny thing about religion: it doesn't matter what you say, you're going to upset someone. — Lewis Black
Funny Say What Sayings By Veronica Roth: I also wanted to ask you if we can talk to the Erudite you're keeping I also wanted to ask you if we can talk to the Erudite you're keeping safe here," I say. "I know they're hidden, but I need access to them."
"And what do you intend to do?" she says.
"Shoot them," I say, rolling my eyes.
"That isn't funny. — Veronica Roth
Funny Say What Sayings By Michael Caine: It's funny, people ask me, 'What would you consider the most romantic track on your It's funny, people ask me, 'What would you consider the most romantic track on your record Mr Caine?' And I say 'Swollen' by Bent, and they say 'I think he's off his rocker!' — Michael Caine