I'm Funny Famous Quotes & Sayings
100 I'm Funny Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.
Tawny shrugged. "I was overreacting. Typical big sister move. He explained why he did it, and it makes sense, in a slightly twisted way. He's not a bad guy. He's just a jerk. But a nice one."— Chelsea M. Cameron
"That doesn't make any sense."
"Men rarely do.
I am Detective Inspector Me. This is my partner, Detective Her."— Derek Landy
The traffic warden frowned. "Her?"
"Me," said Stephanie.
"Him?"
"Not me," said Skulduggery. "Her."
"Me," said Stephanie.
"You?" said the traffic warden.
"Yes," said Stephanie.
"I'm sorry, who are you?"
Stephanie looked at him. "I'm Her, he's Me. Got it?
I have a funny sense of humor. If I was a comedian and I was up on stage, people would think that's funny, because I'm a funny comedian. I'm an entertainer.— Lil B
When I was growing up they used to say, "Robin, drugs can kill you." Now that I'm 58 my doctor's telling me, "Robin, you need drugs to live." I realize now that my doctor is also my dealer ...— Robin Williams
I would love to do a comedy, but comedy probably in the sense of a dark comedy like 'Californication,' that sort of thing. Yeah, sure, I think I'm funny.— Jason Wiles
I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me!— Zach Galifianakis
Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife.— Mark Watson
No, it's that fun we have. It's real. I'm so thankful they cast good, funny, interesting, warm, kind people in "Castle", because we blend very well together. At this point it's like a family. We help each other. I constantly ask them: "What's funnier: if I do this or I do that?" And I don't think we care anymore about looking weak or unprofessional. We all just want the best for each other and for the show.— Seamus Dever
You know how much I want a Vespa. I'm Vespa Desperate. It's a medical syndrome, you know. I see Vespas and I want to chase them down the street like a rabid terrier.— Elle Casey
I showed what I can do with butter, right? Eighty-five percent increase in sales. I'm very proud of them Country Life ads. They were funny and clever and classy like the Toblerone ads I grew up with.— John Lydon
How do you know?"— Robyn Carr
"Well, I don't, I'm making this up, but I bet I'm right.
I'm not interested in being one of those comedians who wants to look good and be this 'cool' funny person. I don't care how weird or ugly I look.— Chris Lilley
There was a fire drill at school the next day. I think I'm more afraid of the fire alarm than I am of a fire. When the fire alarm goes off, you jump out of your skin. Your heart pounds and your ears buzz and your brain melts and all you want to do is get away from that horrible noise. "Get up and walk quickly out the door and to your right," said Mr. Dooley. "Do not pass go and do not collect two hundred dollars," said Donald. I held my hands over my ears to drown out the fire alarm. Outside we stood around waiting for the bell that means we could come back in again. "Yay! The roof is on fire! No more school!" someone joked. "Anybody got a match?" said someone else. Mr. Dooley said that wasn't funny. He said if there really was a fire, we'd be smart to know what to do.— Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Dear Mommy— Karyl McBride
I'm doing really good,
I get all A's in school
And I don't cry at bedtime anymore,
Though my new mom said I could.
I remember how much you hate tears,
You slapped them out of me
To make me strong,
I think it worked.
I learned to use a microscope
And my hair grew two inches.
It's pretty, just like yours.
I'm not allowed to clean the house,
Only my own room,
Isn't that a funny rule?
You say kids are so much trouble
Getting born, they better pay it back.
I'm not supposed to take care
Of the other kids, only me, I sort of like it.
I still get the hole in my stomach
When I do something wrong,
I have a saying on my mirror
"Kids make mistakes, It's OK,"
I read it every day,
Sometimes I even believe it.
I wonder if you ever think of me
Or if you're glad the troublemaker's gone,
I never want to see you again.
I love you, Mommy.
I always tell people it's funny that they think I'm a relationship expert because my two books are about getting out of relationships.— Greg Behrendt
I'm beginning to think my name has been changed to Damn it or Asshole Styxx— Sherrilyn Kenyon
Adam pressed his hand to his face. Sighed. Right. It's just that ... He died. And I'm so freaking pissed off, I swear I'd punch him in the face if he were standing right here.— Kristina McBride
What y'all ladies got to share? Hmmm, what you bitches got?"— Jabari Asim
Aunt Georgia sighed and squinted at the boy. She said, "The Lord loves a cheerful giver, but I'm just not in the mood."
The thug moved his hand from his crotch to his scalp, still scratching. "What in the hell's that supposed to mean?" Mrs. Cleveland raised and pumped her walking stick, which, it turned out, was a double-barreled shotgun.
"It means take one more step," she said, "and I'll blast you to hell, you ignorant-ass bastard.
Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks.— Caroline Rhea
And while my mind is telling me I'm flirting with her just to prove a point, my body wants to play you show me your perky privates and I'll show you mine.— Simone Elkeles
Max's scarred brow crinkled. He reached for the coffee mug on his desk. "Motive is tricky. See, what might be a good reason for me to kill someone might not be a good enough reason for you to kill someone."— Josh Lanyon
Swift stared at his hands loosely clasped around his ankle. "I wouldn't. Deliberately hurt anyone."
"And my impulse is to hurt anyone who hurts you." When Swift's gaze lifted to his, Max said, "See how that works?"
He did, and while it wasn't intended as a compliment, it did warm his heart in a funny way. He managed to joke, "Why, I think that's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me.
I laugh almost everyday. I have a good sense of humor, so I'm always finding something funny.— Condoleezza Rice
I've been called funny. I assume my wife thinks I'm funny. But generally, if you bumped into me and said hello, I would say hello back, politely. And that would be it.— Robert Webb
I'm a big fan of certain new acts. I love any genre of music, and I think it's really great to see that there are new artists coming through. It's kinda funny to think that I'm like the old man on campus now. But I'm really happy for groups like One Direction. I think they're really good guys.— Joe Jonas
I spend most of my days up to my elbows in someone's chest cavity. Really, I know zip about music."— Sarah Mayberry
He didn't bother hiding his surprise. "Wow. That must be ... messy."
"That didn't sound too great, did it? Let me reassure you - I'm a doctor, not a serial killer.
Seth turns to Laney and I. "Three months ago, I'm in Detroit protesting a free trade conference, right? Some pig shoves me, I go flying into another, next thing I know I'm on the ground with a Taser in my back. I get thrown in city jail, no money and one phone call. So I call Jake. You know what this fucker did? He dropped everything, drove up and bailed me out, no questions."— Hannah Harrington
"Like I could just leave you," Jake says. "You're too pretty. You're a delicate flower. They would've ripped you apart in there.
It's funny, I had dinner with my dear friend John Spencer last night and I'm not in the first episode, but he's at the beginning of it and he was telling me about it and I thought this sounds very hot because I think this is definitely the last year of West Wing.— Stockard Channing
I mean, I talk about being Jewish a lot. It's funny because I do think of myself as Jewish ethnically, but I'm not religious at all. I have no religion.— Sarah Silverman
Myrnin, who hadn't said much, suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around her.— Rachel Caine
She stiffened, shocked, and for a panicked second wondered whether he'd suddenly decided to snack on her neck ... but it was just a hug.
His body felt cold against hers, and way too close, but then he let go and stepped back. "You've done very well. I'm extremely proud of you," he said. There was a touch of color high in his pale cheeks. "Do go home now. And shower. You reek like the dead."
Which, coming from a vampire, was pretty rich.
Jeffrey to Felicia - Given your peculiar fashions over the past four years, I'm afraid you've caused people to believe you're a little insane.— Jen Turano
I've done this sort of thing before. Not prophecies so much, but you'd be surprised how many people want to realign their ancestral lines to seem nobler, or rewrite their family history to remove more morally questionable episodes." He paused to recall a recent rewrite. "One lord wanted the murderers removed from his family line. His family was so corrupt, he ended up with three virgin births, two generations removed entirely and a lady who gave birth at the age of two. Still, no one questions it as there is evidence in the archives." Bubo smugly tapped a book. "There is one thing though, faking a prophecy in the past is easy, you already know the result. How will you make this come true in the future?"— Dylan Perry
"I have someone in mind for it, but I'm not sure he'll go for it. But then prophecy is all optional anyway." Corvid looked up as if a thought had occurred to him. "I'd best go check on my man, I've not met him yet.
He watched in awe as she stacked up an enormous armload of music. "There," she finished, slapping Frank Zappa's Greatest Hits on top of the pile. "That should do for a start."— Gordon Korman
"You are a music lover," said the wide-eyed cashier.
"No, I'm a kleptomaniac." And she dashed out the door.
He was so utterly shocked that it took him a moment to run after her.
With a meaningful nod in the direction of the astounded Cahills, she barreled down the cobblestone street with her load.
"Fermati!" shouted the cashier, scrambling in breathless pursuit.
Nellie let a few CDs drop and watched with satisfaction over her shoulder as the clerk stopped to pick them up. The trick would be to keep the chase going just long enough for Amy and Dan to search Disco Volante.
Yikes, she reflected suddenly, I'm starting to think like a Cahill ...
And if she was nuts enough to hang around this family, it was only going to get worse.
I'm half italian"— Pamela Clare
"Which half" asked Tessa
"From the waist down
You know, I'm just a very boring, not very funny person in person. I don't feel pressured to be otherwise.— Lorrie Moore
A lot of people don't get my humor. My mom calls it dry humor. I think that means "not funny," but it also means I'm the only one who ever knows it's a joke.— Kasie West
All the commercials on TV today are for antidepressants, for Prozac or Paxil. And they get you right away. "Are you sad? Do you get stressed, do you have anxiety?" "Yes, I have all those things! I'm alive!"— Ellen DeGeneres
You're going to throw me naked into a pit and make me drench myself in baby lotion, aren't you?" Bride— Sherrilyn Kenyon
You live in New Orleans, where they can't even dig a grave. So tell me where I'm going to find this pit?" Vane
"It's an above ground pit." Bride
"Hardly secretive." Vane
"But possible," Bride
I'm getting older, so how people face grave circumstances is of interest to me. And you meet a lot of people who are very courageous, and it doesn't reek of something funny to write about, but I always think that the higher the stakes, the bigger the laughs can be, and the more emotional the scenes can be.— Judd Apatow
A friend gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted, but I'm not. So what happened to me is I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would tell me a story, and it would end, and I'd get all mad. "Come on, man, there has to be more to that story."— Mitch Hedberg
When I say something untrue on the air, I mean for it to be transparently untrue. I assume people know when I'm just saying something for effect. Or to be funny.— Ira Glass
Come on, Seregil, let's show him how it's done."— Lynn Flewelling
"I'm busy," replied Seregil, working on a tricky bit of fingering.
Moving to stand over him, Micum groweled, "Put away that twopenny toy, you tit-sucking coistril, and show me the length of your blade!"
Seregil laid his harp aside with a sigh. "Dear me, that sounds rather like a challenge-"
Lunging swiftly past Micum, he sprang to his feet and drew his sword, then swung a flat-bladed attack at Micum's forearm.
Let's focus on the funny ... That's what I'm focused on ... This is the gift God gave me. That's what I want to touch in people.— Tracy Morgan
No, I don't want you to leave. I'm just grabbing your coat and nudging your toward the door for fun #AHOLE— A.O. Storm
It's impossible to ravish me, I'm so willing.— John Fletcher
I'm just glad you didn't die while we were gone," Brent said. "He'd be so pissed. And you know, you'd be dead. So that would suck.— Bree Despain
Yeah, I'm not into sports. If someone told me I had athlete's foot, I'd say that's not my foot!— Mitch Hedberg
I'm like a fatter version of Amy Winehouse and a skinnier version of Lily Allen.— Katy Perry
I'm going to be one of the top four that's ever played this game, for sure. And if they don't want me to have one of those top four spots, they'd better find another spot on that mountain. Somebody's gotta get bumped, but that's not for me to decide. That's for the architects.— LeBron James
I'm not that good looking. That's why 'Gangnam Style' works. If someone handsome uses that phrase it's just awkward. But if someone like me uses it, it's funny.— Psy
I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt ...— Dave Barry
I'm really funny now.— Wanda Sykes
I've been assigned to bodyguard you."— Ilona Andrews
You've got to be kidding me.
Derek snorted.
Ascanio pretended not to hear it. "The Beast Lord spoke to me this morning. I'm responsible for your well-being, and if you get injured, I'll answer to him personally."
Oh, that bastard. Found the kid an impossible job, did he?
Derek laughed quietly.
Ascanio finally deemed it necessary to acknowledge Derek's existence. "Is something funny?"
"I don't even know you, and I feel sorry for you.
I'm not so much interested in the return ON my money as I am in the return OF my money.— Will Rogers
I'm really feeling more like a Harry Potter to your Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger."— Tammy Blackwell
"Harry Potter? Someone is awful full of themselves."
"And this way Charlie can be always-loyal and cooler than cool Neville Longbottom, and Liam gets to be Sirius."
Jase shook his head. "Sirius dies."
"Lupin?"
"Also dies."
"A Weasley twin?"
"Liam isn't that funny, and Fred dies."
I searched over the entire cast of Harry Potter. "All the cool people die.
I feel like I'm still learning the ropes of how television works. Obviously I have good folks surrounding me on different shows. It's funny because sometimes in film I'm sort of the third guy to the left, you can be as insane as you want to be as that guy.— Paul Schneider
It's a funny thing, but it's often overlooked that I'm a huge devout lover of French cooking. I have the utmost respect for them, though they have lost their respect for me because they think the way I cook is nutty.— Wylie Dufresne
Let's say I'm not feeling well, and somebody would say to me, 'Just do an easy show, just go out and do a light ... ' - I can't! I cannot do that kind of a show. I have to still put 150 percent into it, and it's funny: it's so healing to do that.— Gene Pitney
Quite frankly, every single day that I do something creative, and show it to people, I'm nervous. Even this video, I'm like, 'You're too earnest, it's not funny enough, nobody likes you.' Um, well, I gotta do it, because unless I say something about the world I don't know if it's worth gettin' up in the morning.— Felicia Day
... Was that depressing, or inspirational?
It's fun when you're driving, and people wave at you, and you wave back. I think you either like people or you don't. I mean, I don't want to put on sunglasses. That's why I'm in show business.— Jay Leno
I'm a sucker for gag reels and teaser trailers for new seasons. One of the great parts of panels, especially on a show like 'Supernatural,' which can be so dark, it's fun to get up there and laugh and remember we're only telling a story. Seeing Eric Kripke and Ben Edlund up there being so funny always makes me laugh.— Jared Padalecki
So I watched the Pink Panther last night, and so I'm trying desperately to be funny, and then it's just not working out so good ... I wonder if maybe I could've been a comedian or something like that, or maybe I could've been a doctor, then I wouldn't have to make anyone laugh.— Dave Matthews
One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I'm very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably.— John Hodgman
It's just for some reason I've got just as many fans that only like me when I'm yelling or being funny or whatnot, and jumping up and down on a pogo stick while playing a fancy lead guitar. And they get mad when I sing a heartfelt emotional song and if there's an album full of them.— Butch Walker
Don't answer the door without a shirt! Now, go get dressed before you catch a cold," I scolded.— J.M. Colail
"Why? He was kinda cute. Do you think he would've went for it if I said I didn't have any money?" Wesley asked.
"You're mine and I wouldn't let you prostitute yourself for pizza. Now go put on a shirt," I said, pulling two slices onto a plate.
I'm a fan of Bill Hicks. He did things that no other stand up did at the time. He was making fun of religion, at that time it was a lot harder to say those things in the States than it was here. To slag off Christianity and fundamentalist Christians, and to be pro drugs and anti gun in the deep south, that's a big ask. And he did that and made it funny. Bill Hicks was able to say things that he really thought, and he managed to make those thoughts funny without a care if it antagonised people.— Ed Byrne
What did your mom say?"— Lisa McMann
"She said I better not be pregnant."
Janie snorts. "What the hell is wrong with our parents, anyway? Wait
you're not, are you?"
"Of course not! Sheesh, Janers! I may not have gotten the best grades in school, but I'm not stupid. You know I'm on the Pill. And his Jimmy doesn't get near me without a raincoat, yadamean? Ain't nothin' getting through my little fortress!
You talk more when you're nervous," he said, still standing close to her.— Michele Jaffe
"No i don't. That's absurd. I'm just trying to explain to you-"
"Do i make you nervous?"
"No. I'm not nervous."
"You're trembling."
"I'm cold. I'm wearing practically zero clothes."
His glance went to her lips, then back to her eyes. "I noticed.
I'm in, Cat. I'd never leave you. Especially when you've got death breathing down your neck." "Very funny," I retorted, since Bones was inches from my throat— Jeaniene Frost
I did a lot of serious plays, and I did the Oxford Review as well, which is supposed to be funny, but I'm not sure how funny we were when we did it. Then, when I finished my course, it was only then that I decided to go to drama school and try and do acting because I was enjoying it so much and so on.— Katherine Parkinson
We've reached Vlad's first day at Thomas Jeff. August 30, 2010 Town of Michigan Infiltration of Thomas Jefferson school successful. The child is here. I can taste her. . . . Why is this woman still talking? If she thinks that I am going to stop wearing my pointed boots, she is sadly mistaken. I let out a loud snort and then turn the page quickly, feeling guilty at being amused by Vlad's ramblings.— A.M. Robinson
I'm apologizing. For whatever I did. For whatever the guy who hurt you did. For the JFK assassination or the botched moon landing. Take your pick." ~Cain, Ghost of You— Kelly Moran
What you need is a chick from Camden,' Van Patten says, after recovering from McDermott's statement.— Bret Easton Ellis
Oh great,' I say. 'Some chick who thinks it's okay to fuck her brother.'
Yeah, but they think AIDS is a new band from England,' Price points out.
Where's dinner?' Van Patten asks, absently studying the question scrawled on his napkin. 'Where the fuck are we going?'
It's really funny that girls think guys are concerned with that, with diseases and stuff,' Van Patten says, shaking his head.
I'm not gonna wear a fucking condom,' McDermott announces.
I have read this article I've Xeroxed,' Van Patten says, 'and it says our chances of catching that are like zero zero zero zero point half a decimal percentage or something, and this no matter what kind of scumbag, slutbucket, horndog chick we end up boffing.'
Guys just cannot get it.'
Well, not white guys.
It's not just the cheerleading thing I have a problem with, it's the whole jock enchilada. I'm all for a good game of basketball in teh driveway or a killer bike ride. But when there's tackling and grunting involved— Linda Ellerbee
no thanks.
I'm English. We're about as tactful as a hot poker up the bum, most of the time.— L.H. Thomson
Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.— Amy Schumer
Holy crap, Caleb! You're my uncle." Nick— Sherrilyn Kenyon
"No!" Caleb
"It's worse. He's the half-brother of your great-grandfather." Kody
"You're not helping." Caleb
"No, but I'm entertaining myself at your adorable expense." Kody
"Yeah, y'all are missing the important fact. To a Cajun, that makes him my uncle." Nick
"Great. I always wanted to be a monkey's uncle. Nice to know I finally succeeded." Caleb
I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."— Tim Vine
I glance at him. He's looking at me, his expression every bit as expectant as I feel. I hate this little game of ours. Maybe because I'm no good at it. He won't tell me more unless I ask. Curiosity is one of my most incurable flaws— Anna Banks
and Galen knows it.
Still, I already gave up a perfectly good tantrum for him, so I feel like he owes me. Never mind that he saved my life today. That was so two hours ago.
I recently spent quite a bit of time in Sheffield, England, which is where I'm from. I wouldn't move back there, but it's funny when you spend a bit of time in the place where you were brought up. You kind of realize how that place has had quite a big effect on you or made you a certain way.— Jarvis Cocker
The fact that I'm sitting here in the chilly leaves imagining ways to get rid of the boy I loved so much I brought him back from the dead is so ridiculous, so horrifying, it's almost funny. In an unbelievable, black humor way that's not really funny at all.— Amy Garvey
Hello? ... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven ... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.— Katt Williams
My mind absorbs things in a funny way. I'm on planes quite a bit and I always take stacks and stacks of magazines and I go through them and tear pages out and fold them up, and they get stuck at the bottom of my backpack or whatever.— Marc Jacobs
I know I don't.I just...I don't have the ability some people have of making friends.I think I'm being friendly,and it doesn't come across that way."— Tristi Pinkston
I snorted.It wasn't very lady-like.
"That's what you call friendly?"
"Yeah.I know-it needs work."
"It needs surgery.
It's funny when I read the tabloids and they're reporting on only a fraction of the life I'm leading.— Zach Braff
It pisses me off that you allow something so trivial to define such a huge part of you. I can't make you pretty in this book, because that would be an insult. You're fucking beautiful. And you're funny. And the only times I'm not completely enamored by you are the moments you're feeling sorry for yourself. Because I don't know if you've realized this yet, but you're alive, Fallon. And every time you look in the mirror, you don't have the right to hate what you see. Because you survived when a lot of people don't get that lucky. So from now on when you think about your scars, you aren't allowed to resent them. You're going to embrace them, because you're lucky to be on this earth to see them. And any guy you allow to touch your scars better thank you for that privilege." My— Colleen Hoover
Change is the law of life,' she said quietly.— Barbara Cohen
'On the other hand,' I protested, 'some things don't change fast enough!'
'Like what?' Mother asked.
'Like fat, funny-looking me!'
Mother snorted. 'You're extremely good-looking. All my children are.' I expected her to add, 'I wouldn't have it any other way,' but she said, instead, 'If you think you're too heavy, lose some weight.'
'Easier said than done,' I muttered.
'If there's one thing I can't bear,' Mother scolded, 'it's self-pity, particularly from one who has no reason to pity herself. Are you crippled? Are you stupid? Are you hungry, or ill-clothed? If you were then you'd have something to gripe about. You're fatherless, it's true, but then I'm husbandless. Somehow, we manage.
Huge Jackman has divorced his wife and happened upon my picture in some old article and decided that I'm the woman for him?— Sherrilyn Kenyon
~ Susan
Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.— Sarah Silverman
It's a funny business. I kind of compare it to baseball. I'm always looking for a home run.— Billy Mays
I bought myself a parrot, but it did not say "I'm hungry", and so it died.— Mitch Hedberg
I choked on the air I'd just sucked in and swung around in disbelief. "What did you just say?"— Rachel Brookes
"Me and the whole PD heard about your wet bra, so I'm assuming your panties are wet too.
When I do my solo concerts, I'm used to being on the stage for two hours solid, singing 16 songs. And when I did 'Funny Thing,' I was on the stage the whole time. This is much more difficult. It's the difference between racing and sprinting. This is sprinting. And I have to learn to pace myself.— Micky Dolenz
As an adult, I'm not supposed to go down slides. So if I'm at the top of a slide, I have to pretend that I got there accidentally. "How the hell did I get up here? I guess I have to slide down. Whee!" That's what you say when you're having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people.— Mitch Hedberg
I'm not leaving, Kitten. You're going to do this.— Jennifer L. Armentrout
My mouth opened as did the door behind us. Stomach dropping, I turned to see Mom standing there in all her fuzzy-bunny pajama glory. Oh, for the love of God.
Just because I'm married to Doug doesn't mean I can't be here for you.— Kristen Schaal
My wife's a loving, funny, Irish-spirited person, and I'm still surprised at some of the things she says. She makes me laugh every day.— Gary Sinise
His eyes widened. Oh, hell, you think I'm going to let him bite me? No way. It's too risky and way too guy.— C.C. Hunter
When I'm doing a drama, I wish I was doing something funny. When I'm doing something funny, I wish I was doing something more serious. I think it's just human nature.— Alan Ruck
The best thing about being 45 is not taking myself so seriously. Do I miss the package I came in at 25? I do. Gravity is no one's friend. Yet the perspective I've gained is so worth the wear and tear. What would have mortified me at 25 is now simply fodder for a funny, relatable story. Also? I was a waitress at 25, and now I'm an author. Forty-five is definitely better.— Jen Lancaster
I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy." Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake.— Bill Engvall
