No Girlfriend Funny Famous Quotes & Sayings

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Google+ Pinterest Share on Linkedin

40 No Girlfriend Funny Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Jimmy Carr: Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?" — Jimmy Carr
More Pictures »
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By John Ashbery: MyrtleHow funny your name would beif you could follow it back to wherethe first person Myrtle


How funny your name would be
if you could follow it back to where
the first person thought of saying it,
naming himself that, or maybe
some other persons thought of it
and named that person. It would
be like following a river to its source,
which would be impossible. Rivers have no source.
They just automatically appear at a place
where they get wider, and soon a real
river comes along, with fish and debris,
regal as you please, and someone
has already given it a name: St. Benno
(saints are popular for this purpose) or, or
some other name, the name of his
long-lost girlfriend, who comes
at long last to impersonate that river,
on a stage, her voice clanking
like its bed, her clothing of sand
and pasted paper, a piece of real technology,
while all along she is thinking, I can
do what I want to do. But I want to stay here. — John Ashbery
More Pictures »
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Daniel Tosh: I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower. — Daniel Tosh
More Pictures »
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Rodney Dangerfield: During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. — Rodney Dangerfield
More Pictures »
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By John Green: You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality! You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality! — John Green
More Pictures »
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Adam Ferrara: My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice. — Adam Ferrara
More Pictures »
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Rhiannon Frater: You have better luck than you think you do," Cian said firmly.Turning back toward him, You have better luck than you think you do," Cian said firmly.
Turning back toward him, she said, "Yeah? Prove it?"
You found me."
Yeah, and awakening your inner vampire, scaring the shit out of your
girlfriend, and screwing up your life."
Then that's my bad luck," he corrected her. — Rhiannon Frater
More Pictures »
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Susan Mallery: To the stupidity of men, " Dakota said, raising a glass. "And my brother, who To the stupidity of men, " Dakota said, raising a glass. "And my brother, who is their king. — Susan Mallery
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Stacey Wallace Benefiel: Dude, could you please get off my girlfriend before I beat the crap out of Dude, could you please get off my girlfriend before I beat the crap out of you ? I don't want to injure her. — Stacey Wallace Benefiel
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Anthony Jeselnik: She got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture She got really mad a month ago, because she had e-mailed me a naked picture of herself - which is a nice thing to do - but then I messed up, and I accidentally forwarded that e-mail to both of my parents. Now, my girlfriend is furious, mortified, but I don't even care, 'cause now I have to call up my mother and say 'Mom, I am so sorry - that picture was just for dad.' — Anthony Jeselnik
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Zach Galifianakis: We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny. — Zach Galifianakis
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Sherrilyn Kenyon: What's the deal with this Malachai?" Xevikan"I don't know. I just joined him myself. But What's the deal with this Malachai?" Xevikan
"I don't know. I just joined him myself. But he seems level. Decent even." Zavid
"He's with a half-daeve turncoat, a Charonte, and an Aamon, and you don't find that off?" Xevikan
"Wait until you meet his Arel girlfriend, lunatic mother, and the two human homicidal maniac he calls family. Buddy, everything about the Malachai ain't right." Zavid — Sherrilyn Kenyon
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Mitch Hedberg: My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen. My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen. — Mitch Hedberg
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Paige Shelton: Good gravy on biscuits, girlfriend, you are in the middle of more messes than a Good gravy on biscuits, girlfriend, you are in the middle of more messes than a platter of scrambled eggs. What's going on? Are the planets aligned funny? Or is that unaligned? Shoot, I have no idea. But I need to know what's going on. You and I will be going out for coffee in about thirty seconds. — Paige Shelton
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Cassandra Clare: And now," Eric yelled into his mircophone, "we're going to sing a new song-one we And now," Eric yelled into his mircophone, "we're going to sing a new song-one we just wrote. This one's for my girlfriend. We've been going out for three weeks, and, damn, our love is true. We're gonna be together forever, baby. This one's called 'Bang You Like a Drum. — Cassandra Clare
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Kathleen Peacock: What the hell is your problem?" Sputtered Jason, pushing his wet hair back from his What the hell is your problem?" Sputtered Jason, pushing his wet hair back from his face.
"Oh I don't know. One minute you're kissing my girlfriend and the next you're throwing her down a hill. — Kathleen Peacock
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Jim Gaffigan: Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My Occasionally, a dog will be presented as some training method for having a baby. "My girlfriend and I got a dog. We are going to see if we can handle that before we have kids." This is a little like testing the waters of being a vegetarian by having lettuce on your burger. Okay, maybe that metaphor doesn't make sense, but neither does using a dog as a training method for having a baby. — Jim Gaffigan
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Anthony Jeselnik: This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox. — Anthony Jeselnik
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Rachel Caine: She came awake, stomach rumbling, and opened her eyes to see a plate being held She came awake, stomach rumbling, and opened her eyes to see a plate being held right under her nose.
When she reached for it, Shane snatched it back. 'Nuh-uh. Mine.'
'Share!' she demanded.
'Man, you are one grabby girlfriend.'
She grinned. It always made her feel so fiercly warm inside to hear him say that- the girlfriend part, not the grabby part.
'If you love me, you'll give me a taco.'
'Seriously? That's all you got? What about you'll do sexy, illegal things to me for a taco?'
'Not for a taco,' she said. 'I'm not cheap.'
'They're brisket tacos.'
'Now you're talking. — Rachel Caine
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Moby: That is not all I need. I need dogs. A house filled with dogs and That is not all I need. I need dogs. A house filled with dogs and a smart, funny, kind, loving girlfriend or wife. — Moby
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Bo Burnham: I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch. — Bo Burnham
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Adam Ferrara: I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift. — Adam Ferrara
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Mary Calmes: And Sanderson?" "Are you kidding? I bet his girlfriend is a dominatrix or something." "Or And Sanderson?" "Are you kidding? I bet his girlfriend is a dominatrix or something." "Or his boyfriend." "No, he's so not cool enough to be gay." She was very funny. — Mary Calmes
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Anthony Jeselnik: My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces. — Anthony Jeselnik
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Dave Attell: Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker Everything you do, burns calories. Getting up in the morning, 100 calories; kicking the hooker out of your bed, another 100; diapering your monkey, 35 calories; laughing at a midget, fun and 10 calories; catching your girlfriend with another guy, 2000-3000 calories, depending on backswings. — Dave Attell
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Louis C.K.: I was talking to my friend and he said his girlfriend was mad at him. I was talking to my friend and he said his girlfriend was mad at him. I said, "What happened?" He goes: "Well, I guess I, uh ... I guess I said something, and, uh ... and then she got her feelings hurt." That's a weird way to phrase it: "She got her feelings hurt. I said something, and then she ... " Could you more remove yourself from responsibility? "She got her feelings hurt." It's like saying, "Yeah, I shot this guy in the face, and then I guess he got himself murdered. I don't know what happened. He leaned into it." — Louis C.K.
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Frankie Boyle: I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day ... Chlamydia. I gave my girlfriend something she didn't expect for Valentine's day ... Chlamydia. — Frankie Boyle
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Kathleen Peacock: Girlfriend? That's cute." Some people yelled when they got angry. Jason got sarcastic. Always. " Girlfriend? That's cute." Some people yelled when they got angry. Jason got sarcastic. Always. " Are you taking her to the dance next month? You should probably call ahead; I'm not sure if they let pets in-even ones that are house-trained. — Kathleen Peacock
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Bruce Springsteen: When Springsteen meets a future girlfriend on the boardwalk in Asbury Park, he delivers this When Springsteen meets a future girlfriend on the boardwalk in Asbury Park, he delivers this electric introduction: "She was Italian, funny, a beatific tomboy, with just the hint of a lazy eye, and wore a pair of glasses that made me think of the wonders of the library. — Bruce Springsteen
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Frankie Boyle: I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is I like storms. I like thunder and lightning. What I do during a storm is shag my girlfriend and pretend that we're taking part in the conception of the Antichrist. — Frankie Boyle
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Tyler Oakley: Ten years later, while I was innocently pole-dancing at a seedy gay bar in Michigan, Ten years later, while I was innocently pole-dancing at a seedy gay bar in Michigan, I bumped into Andrea. I screamed over the loud music that I wanted to introduce her to my boyfriend, and she yelled back that she wanted to introduce me to her girlfriend. Funny how all things work out, if you just give them a decade. — Tyler Oakley
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Erin McCahan: Are there days when you find life terribly confusing?Only when I have a girlfriend. Are there days when you find life terribly confusing?

Only when I have a girlfriend. — Erin McCahan
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By S. Walden: Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked. "She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan, when did you get a girlfriend?" his sister asked.
"She's not my girlfriend, Kaylen," Ryan replied. "Go away. — S. Walden
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Dave Attell: I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend. I watch the Discovery Channel, and you know what I've discovered? I need a girlfriend. — Dave Attell
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Jimmy Carr: I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat. — Jimmy Carr
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Lauren Barnholdt: Hello?" I say, sounding upbeat, and like I'm happy to be on the phone. I Hello?" I say, sounding upbeat, and like I'm happy to be on the phone. I decide to pretend it's my imaginary girlfriend. Fuck pretending to be nice.
"Yo, " B. J. Says.
"What's going on, honey?" I say, trying to glance at Courtney out of the corner of my eye without her noticing that that's what I'm doing. She's going through her bag, probably looking for more makeup, so she can make herself look good for Lloyd.
"Honey?" B. J. Asks. "Jordy, I had no idea you felt that way about me. I have to warn you, though, I happen to be in a very committed relationship. "
"Yeah, I miss you, too. — Lauren Barnholdt
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Aristotle.: Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed. — Aristotle.
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By C.M. Stunich: Naomi's my girlfriend," I say aloud, just to test the words, see how they feel Naomi's my girlfriend," I say aloud, just to test the words, see how they feel fucking across my lips. Ronnie flips a page in an old copy of Rollin' Strong magazine and ignores me.
"Yeah, we heard. Sixteen times since we came in here," Josh bitches. — C.M. Stunich
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Josh Zuckerman: In entertainment, I adore Ricky Gervais in 'Derek.' His performance is unbelievably charming, funny and In entertainment, I adore Ricky Gervais in 'Derek.' His performance is unbelievably charming, funny and poignant. In life, I adore my girlfriend. She is the most adorable person I have ever met - from her silly jokes to her cute teeth to her little drawings. — Josh Zuckerman
No Girlfriend Funny Sayings By Christopher Brookmyre: This is Glesca ... Any time you're confused, take a wee minute to remind yourself This is Glesca ... Any time you're confused, take a wee minute to remind yourself of that inescapable fact: this is Glesca. We don't do subtle, we don't do nuanced, we don't do conspiracy. We do pish-heid bampot bludgeoning his girlfriend to death in a fit of paranoid rage induced by forty-eight hours straight on the batter. We do coked-up neds jumping on a guy's heid outside a nightclub because he looked at them funny. We do drug-dealing gangster rockets shooting other drug-dealing gangster rockets as comeback for something almost identical a fortnight ago. We do bam-on-bam. We do tit-for-tat, score-settling, feuds, jealousy, petty revenge. We do straightforward. We do obvious. We do cannaemisswhodunit. When you hear hoofbeats on Sauchiehall Street, it's gaunny be a horse, no' a zebra ... '. — Christopher Brookmyre