Paul Merton Famous Quotes & Sayings

47 Paul Merton Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

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I looked at longevity in show business when I was about 13, and the people who seemed to have longevity were the ones who'd spent quite a bit of time learning about what they were doing before they made it.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I looked at longevity in show business when I was about 13, and the people
In 1987, I was in Edinburgh doing my first one-man show. I took part in a kickabout with some fellow comedians and tripped over my trousers and heard this cracking sound in my leg. A couple of days later I went into a coma and was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: In 1987, I was in Edinburgh doing my first one-man show. I took part in
I was never one to go up to someone as a five- or six-year-old and say, 'Hello, my name's Paul, will you be my friend?' But I found if I did an impression of the PE teacher or whatever and people laughed, then they did like me, and so then they started talking to me, rather than me making the initial overture and then maybe being rebuffed.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I was never one to go up to someone as a five- or six-year-old and
I've never been disappointed by politicians. I've never invested that much in them in the first place.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I've never been disappointed by politicians. I've never invested that much in them in the
At one point in the mid-Eighties I shared a promoter with the Smiths. One night, we were sitting backstage when Morrissey burst in, utterly distraught, sobbing his heart out. Turns out someone had thrown a sausage at him on stage during 'Meat Is Murder.'Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: At one point in the mid-Eighties I shared a promoter with the Smiths. One night,
The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to what other people say. It's about what you hear.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: The thing about improvisation is that it's not about what you say. It's listening to
I was flying to the Maldives in 2000 when the plane went through turbulence - after that, I didn't fly for four years. Then a job came up in India, so I did a simulator flight and learnt about what goes on in the cockpit. I'm fine now.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I was flying to the Maldives in 2000 when the plane went through turbulence -
How could this fatuous, emotional thing be without beginning and without end, the creator of all? I had taken the dead letter of Scripture at its very deadest, and it had killed me, according to the saying of St. Paul: "The letter killeth, but the spirit giveth lifeThomas Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Thomas Merton: How could this fatuous, emotional thing be without beginning and without end, the creator of
There's something magical about film, it's the ultimate for me, because it's kind of permanent - inasmuch as anything is. When I went to see Buster Keaton when I was about 14 and I came out of the cinema having really laughed at this film which had been made 50 years before, I thought: That's immortality. It's fantastic.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: There's something magical about film, it's the ultimate for me, because it's kind of permanent
When things are difficult, awful, stressful, the thing that always gets you through is a sense of humour. I don't mean - well, maybe I do - laugh at the hangman as he puts the noose around your neck. But an eye, an ear, for the ridiculous, the absurd in life, can get you through a lot.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: When things are difficult, awful, stressful, the thing that always gets you through is a
The economics favour one-man comedy shows: all you need is one person, a microphone and a PA system. But I'm pleased so many people are making a living out of comedy - it's a wonderful business to be in.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: The economics favour one-man comedy shows: all you need is one person, a microphone and
I was trying to organise my DVDs into a sort of chronological order, and I am afraid that it all trailed off after the Sixties.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I was trying to organise my DVDs into a sort of chronological order, and I
I read every book about Buster Keaton and Chaplin to see how they worked - it's all about dedication, tunnel vision, pursuit of perfection, getting the gag right.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I read every book about Buster Keaton and Chaplin to see how they worked -
When I used to do the Edinburgh Festival, there was a bunch of guys selling fresh oysters and I'd eat ten daily - marvellous.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: When I used to do the Edinburgh Festival, there was a bunch of guys selling
I never give anyone advice: it can backfire horribly. In the 1950s, Eric Morecambe told Ken Dodd to get his teeth fixed. But those teeth turned out to be one of Dodd's big selling points.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I never give anyone advice: it can backfire horribly. In the 1950s, Eric Morecambe told
My favourite riposte to a heckle is to say, 'Excuse me, I'm trying to work here. How would you like it if I stood yelling down the alley while you're giving blow jobs to transsexuals?'Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: My favourite riposte to a heckle is to say, 'Excuse me, I'm trying to work
And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: And like the old stereotype, I overcame my shyness by making my friends laugh.
I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.
I had another reason for seeking Him, for trying to espy His face, a professional one. God and literature are conflated in my mind. Why this is, I'm not sure. Perhaps because great books seem heavensent. Perhaps because I know that each nove is a puny but very valiant attempt at godlike behavior. Perhaps because there is no difference between the finest poetry and most transcendent mysticism. Perhaps because writers like Thomas Merton, who are able to enter the realm of the spirit and come away with fine, lucid prose. Perhaps because of more secular writers, like John Steinbeck, whose every passage, it seems to me, peals with religiousity and faith. It once occured to me that literature - all art really - is either talking to people about God, or talking to God about people.Paul Quarrington Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Quarrington: I had another reason for seeking Him, for trying to espy His face, a professional
I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't?Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10;
It was a bizarre existence I led in my early twenties - that cliche of the comedian who goes out and entertains a roomful of people and then goes home to a lonely bedsit was unbelievably poignant for me because that was exactly what I was doing. I had periods of real loneliness.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: It was a bizarre existence I led in my early twenties - that cliche of
I think having an outsider's viewpoint is interesting and good, especially for a comedian.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I think having an outsider's viewpoint is interesting and good, especially for a comedian.
Am I allowed to call myself working-class now? Because obviously I'm now very rich.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: Am I allowed to call myself working-class now? Because obviously I'm now very rich.
My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some
Old radio comedy makes me laugh, as well as 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' and comedians like Paul Merton.Lynne Truss Paul Merton Sayings By Lynne Truss: Old radio comedy makes me laugh, as well as 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue'
When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think I've won.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to
Have you ever had sex with a horse?Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: Have you ever had sex with a horse?
If you became a comedian in the '80s, you had to work the circuit and make people laugh. Canned laughter is cheating.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: If you became a comedian in the '80s, you had to work the circuit and
It seems like a contradiction, but the shy person who is a performer actually does make sense, because in a way, when you're young and shy, making people laugh is a good way to make friends. It's an instant connection.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: It seems like a contradiction, but the shy person who is a performer actually does
Beginning with a trip out to Ellis Island, I saw for myself where thousands of European immigrants took their first steps onto American soil, bringing with them nothing but their ambition: people such as Erich von Stroheim and Adolph Zukor.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: Beginning with a trip out to Ellis Island, I saw for myself where thousands of
In fact, I don't watch a lot of contemporary comedy for fear of being influenced by it.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: In fact, I don't watch a lot of contemporary comedy for fear of being influenced
Generally speaking, politicians are an odd bunch. They seem to have very thick skins and genuinely don't care what people think. And charm is a very important part of the politician's armoury. I try to resist that kind of charm.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: Generally speaking, politicians are an odd bunch. They seem to have very thick skins and
In a psychiatric hospital, a lot of people believe that people on TV are talking to them directly through the screen. I'm with about 500 of these people, and I'm on TV every Friday night. As I was queuing up for breakfast one morning, one guy nearly jumped out of his skin. My first thought was to go 'Woooo!'Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: In a psychiatric hospital, a lot of people believe that people on TV are talking
Live, said Paul,Thomas Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Thomas Merton: Live, said Paul,
If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't done it.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is
I'll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought I was getting mashed potato. I've never got over it.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I'll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought
When I was nine I spent a lot of my time reading books about the history of comedy, or listening to the Goons or Hancock, humour from previous generations.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: When I was nine I spent a lot of my time reading books about the
Well, sanity, I suppose, is getting people to see the world your way.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: Well, sanity, I suppose, is getting people to see the world your way.
I have never sold my story, done 'Hello!' magazine, any of that stuff. I'm not guilty of exploiting my private life for cash and then saying, 'Oh, I don't want to talk about my private life.' I've never crossed that line.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I have never sold my story, done 'Hello!' magazine, any of that stuff. I'm not
I really don't take any interest at all in contemporary comedy.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I really don't take any interest at all in contemporary comedy.
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have
Maybe there's a perception of me as grumpy old bugger who suffers from depression. It's a total misconception. I don't think of myself as any grumpier than the next person. I'm not even grumpy first thing in the morning.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: Maybe there's a perception of me as grumpy old bugger who suffers from depression. It's
All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds - I can't stand Noel Edmonds.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds - I can't stand Noel Edmonds.
When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering
In 1986, I was attacked in the street as I helped Neil Mullarkey from the Comedy Store Players to put up posters. We were in the wrong place at the wrong time - midnight - and we were English. I got kicked in the head.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: In 1986, I was attacked in the street as I helped Neil Mullarkey from the
On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't he said, 'Do you mind if I mug you here?'.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where
I don't consider myself a fashion victim. I consider fashion a victim of me.Paul Merton Paul Merton Sayings By Paul Merton: I don't consider myself a fashion victim. I consider fashion a victim of me.