The Best Funny Inspirational Famous Quotes & Sayings

42 The Best Funny Inspirational Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

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Do not use a cannon to kill a mosquito.Confucius The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Confucius: Do not use a cannon to kill a mosquito.
He who laughs ... lasts.Erma Bombeck The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Erma Bombeck: He who laughs ... lasts.
By morning, Adelaide was beginning to understand why she'd never completely understood how God worked. Given that He had made the bewildering, maddening, incomprehensible species that was man from His own image, it stood to reason that the Creator would be a complicated mass of logic never meant to be understood by the female mind. That, or the fall of man in the Garden of Eden had taken them even further off the path than she'd ever realizedKristi Ann Hunter The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Kristi Ann Hunter: By morning, Adelaide was beginning to understand why she'd never completely understood how God worked.
Q: When did you realize you wanted to be a writer?
A: I hate this question, because the answer makes me look like a jerk. The answer exposes me as a jerk. But here it is: the first time I read Twilight, I thought to myself, "If this chick can write a book, then you can!"
One day, Stephanie Meyer is going to give me a bloody nose. I accept that like I accept that I will one day get wrinkles.
To Stephanie Meyer: Could you come at me from the right side?
That side of my face could use adjusting ...
Anna Banks The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Anna Banks: Q: When did you realize you wanted to be a writer?A: I hate this question,
Ingrid Kristiansen then has smashed the world record, running the 5000 metres in 14:58.89. Truly amazing. Incidentally, this is a personal best for Ingrid Kristiansen.David Coleman The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By David Coleman: Ingrid Kristiansen then has smashed the world record, running the 5000 metres in 14:58.89. Truly
They told me that nothing was a sin, just a poor life choice. Poor impulse control. That nothing is evil. Any concept of right versus wrong, according to them, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. They said that if anything should force us to modify our personal behavior it should be our allegiance to a social contract, not some vague, externally imposed threat of flaming punishment.Chuck Palahniuk The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Chuck Palahniuk: They told me that nothing was a sin, just a poor life choice. Poor impulse
I have only one heart to give and one mind to lose. May I someday find a woman who will take them both.Michael W. Grimard The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Michael W. Grimard: I have only one heart to give and one mind to lose. May I someday
There is a time early in life when there seem to be countless reasons for happiness, and then you discover your mom is making them up.Robert Breault The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Robert Breault: There is a time early in life when there seem to be countless reasons for
I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy. I tried everything-I shucked oysters, I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners. But there was always a voice saying, You should be doing something different. And it was usually my boss and I was being fired.Ellen DeGeneres The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Ellen DeGeneres: I had no intention of becoming a comedian. I just wanted to make people happy.
The standard four food groups are based on American agricultural lobbies. Why do we have a milk group? Because we have a National Dairy Council. Why do we have a meat group? Because we have an extremely powerful meat lobby.Marion Nestle The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Marion Nestle: The standard four food groups are based on American agricultural lobbies. Why do we have
Quite frankly, every single day that I do something creative, and show it to people, I'm nervous. Even this video, I'm like, 'You're too earnest, it's not funny enough, nobody likes you.' Um, well, I gotta do it, because unless I say something about the world I don't know if it's worth gettin' up in the morning.
... Was that depressing, or inspirational?
Felicia Day The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Felicia Day: Quite frankly, every single day that I do something creative, and show it to people,
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs ... one step at a time.Joe Girard The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Joe Girard: The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs ...
The full area of ignorance is not mapped. We are at present only exploring the fringes.John Desmond Bernal The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By John Desmond Bernal: The full area of ignorance is not mapped. We are at present only exploring the
When you're out of willpower you call on stubbornness, that's the trick.Henri Matisse The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Henri Matisse: When you're out of willpower you call on stubbornness, that's the trick.
Sexism is so five minutes ago. I think for the most part, people accept that women are as competent as men.Katie Couric The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Katie Couric: Sexism is so five minutes ago. I think for the most part, people accept that
When anybody laughs, he has no mind, no thought, no problem, no suffering.H.W.L. Poonja The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By H.W.L. Poonja: When anybody laughs, he has no mind, no thought, no problem, no suffering.
Steve Ovett, Sebastian Coe, Steve Cram - the vanguard of our creamRon Pickering The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Ron Pickering: Steve Ovett, Sebastian Coe, Steve Cram - the vanguard of our cream
When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket, talk nice to her, try to flirt or start crying, i bet she will save the ticket for you.Werley Nortreus The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Werley Nortreus: When a female cop pull you over for speeding, to get out of the ticket,
It is only the very wisest and the very stupidest who cannot change.Confucius The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Confucius: It is only the very wisest and the very stupidest who cannot change.
Be ruthless about protecting writing days, i.e., do not cave in to endless requests to have "essential" and "long overdue" meetings on those days. The funny thing is that, although writing has been my actual job for several years now, I still seem to have to fight for time in which to do it. Some people do not seem to grasp that I still have to sit down in peace and write the books, apparently believing that they pop up like mushrooms without my connivance. I must therefore guard the time allotted to writing as a Hungarian Horntail guards its firstborn egg.J.K. Rowling The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By J.K. Rowling: Be ruthless about protecting writing days, i.e., do not cave in to endless requests to
Graduating from the School of Hard Knocks doesn't always get you to Fort Knox.Edward Harris The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Edward Harris: Graduating from the School of Hard Knocks doesn't always get you to Fort Knox.
I realize nobody's coming to save me. I must save myself. I must be my own super hero. Although I am open to a sidekick.Karen Salmansohn The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Karen Salmansohn: I realize nobody's coming to save me. I must save myself. I must be my
Heaven begat Virtue in me; what can man do unto me?Confucius The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Confucius: Heaven begat Virtue in me; what can man do unto me?
When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.Taylor Swift The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Taylor Swift: When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales
I wanted to thank you," I said.
She wrinkled her nose and squinted like I'd said something funny. "Thank me for what?" she said.
"You give me strength I didn't know I had,"; I said. "You make me better.
Ransom Riggs The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Ransom Riggs: I wanted to thank you," I said.She wrinkled her nose and squinted like I'd said
Good code is its own best documentation. As you're about to add a comment, ask yourself, "How can I improve the code so that this comment isn't needed?" Improve the code and then document it to make it even clearer.Steve McConnell The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Steve McConnell: Good code is its own best documentation. As you're about to add a comment, ask
Hide your gold, your faith and the reason of you journey.Eduard Heine The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Eduard Heine: Hide your gold, your faith and the reason of you journey.
We drink to those who love us, we drink to those who don't. We drink to those who fuck us, and fuck those who don't!Tamsyn Bester The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Tamsyn Bester: We drink to those who love us, we drink to those who don't. We drink
I try to stick to a vegan diet heavy on fruit and vegetables.Clint Eastwood The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Clint Eastwood: I try to stick to a vegan diet heavy on fruit and vegetables.
Most people's major life changes don't come from reading an article in the newspaper; they come from reading longer-form essays or thoughtful books, which are much more convincing and detailed.Aaron Swartz The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Aaron Swartz: Most people's major life changes don't come from reading an article in the newspaper; they
Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It's nature's way of getting you to kick them out when they turn 18!
Okaaay. ~sigh~ Due to the times, you can kick them out between the ages of 28-38. Can someone please dramatically reduce the cost of housing, already?
~SHEESH~
Dakota Dawn The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Dakota Dawn: Your kids pissing you off is an inborn instinct. It's nature's way of getting you
As a woman, I know you're young but you gotta hear it now,the most valuable part about you is your brain. Get an education,don't let anybody tell you that your body or the size that you wear or any of that bullshit matters because it doesn't. Your brain matters, so be the smart girl in the room because to be funny you have to be smart, because you have to get the jokeSophia Bush The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Sophia Bush: As a woman, I know you're young but you gotta hear it now,the most valuable
If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up.Shia Labeouf The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Shia Labeouf: If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up.
It's a battle with himself and with the ticking finger of the clock.David Coleman The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By David Coleman: It's a battle with himself and with the ticking finger of the clock.
Brilliance is impossible without a touch of insanity.Skyla Madi The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Skyla Madi: Brilliance is impossible without a touch of insanity.
On the £20,000 Mercedes prizes for each winner at the World Athletics Championships in Stuttgart- Anyone good enough to win already has one.Michael Johnson The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Michael Johnson: On the £20,000 Mercedes prizes for each winner at the World Athletics Championships in Stuttgart-
On his world record triple jump - It's only jumping into a sandpit.Jonathan Edwards The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Jonathan Edwards: On his world record triple jump - It's only jumping into a sandpit.
Laughing, how can you fall asleep? It brings a state of no-mind and no-thought, and does not allow you to fall asleep.Rajneesh The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Rajneesh: Laughing, how can you fall asleep? It brings a state of no-mind and no-thought, and
Nature itself is the best physician.Hippocrates The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Hippocrates: Nature itself is the best physician.
Generosity is the best investment.Diane Von Furstenberg The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Diane Von Furstenberg: Generosity is the best investment.
Time is a funny thing, it can give and it can take away; and a single moment in time can truly change one's life forever!
The best kind of love is unexpected, unexplainable, undeniable, and unimaginable.
Your sweet scent will forever be with me, reminding me of the love we once shared. I will breathe in the memories until we meet again.
Before you act on what you have been told, consider your source. It may simply be assumption on their part, and that can be far from fact.
Why stand back and wait for someone to fail when you can stand up and offer your support?
Love is when the sound of your partner's snoring lulls you to sleep, and it acts as a reminder that they are there by your side.
Building a wall around your heart is a voluntary imprisonment to which only you have the key. Open your heart to life's possibilities!
Donna L. Jones The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Donna L. Jones: Time is a funny thing, it can give and it can take away; and a
He done his level best.

Was he a mining on the flat..
He done it with a zest..
Was he a leading of the choir..
He done his level best.

If he'd a reg'lar task to do,
He never took no rest..
Or if 'twas off and on the same..
He done his level best.

If he was preachin' on his beat,
He'd tramp from east to west,
And north to south ..in cold and heat..
He done his level best.

He'd Yank a sinner outen (Hades),
And land him with the blest;
Then snatch a prayer'n waltz in again,
And do his level best.

He'd cuss and sing and howl and pray,
And dance and drink and jest,
He done his level best.

Whate'er this man was sot to do
He done it with a zest;
No matter what his contract was,
He'd do his level best...
Mark Twain The Best Funny Inspirational Sayings By Mark Twain: He done his level best.Was he a mining on the flat..He done it with a