Scott Adams Famous Quotes & Sayings

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100 Scott Adams Famous Sayings, Quotes and Quotation.

Scott Adams Sayings: Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Many, if not most, career opportunities come to you through people you know. So the Many, if not most, career opportunities come to you through people you know. So the more people you know, the more opportunities you have. Improving your social network is a great example of a system for moving from lower odds to better odds without having a specific goal.
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Scott Adams Sayings: I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.
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Scott Adams Sayings: If a job's worth doing, it's too hard. If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.
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Scott Adams Sayings: The most important form of selfishness involves spending time on your fitness, eating right, pursuing The most important form of selfishness involves spending time on your fitness, eating right, pursuing your career, and still spending quality time with your family and friends.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve.
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Scott Adams Sayings: You might think the word "homemade" is just a word we use as a marketing You might think the word "homemade" is just a word we use as a marketing ploy. But what you don't realize is that the staff sleeps here at night. If your tablecloth is wrinkled, that's why.
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Scott Adams Sayings: People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred.
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Scott Adams Sayings: I love you like a fat kid loves cake! I love you like a fat kid loves cake!
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Scott Adams Sayings: Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.
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Scott Adams Sayings: The core belief that drives terrorism is the notion of a "holy place," along with The core belief that drives terrorism is the notion of a "holy place," along with the idea that some people belong there and other people don't. That's why the only solution to terrorism is for religious scholars to hold a global summit to agree on the definition of "holy place." Once they agree on a definition, it will be easier to mock it into submission.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Awareness does not come from receiving new information. It comes from rejecting old information. Awareness does not come from receiving new information. It comes from rejecting old information.
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Scott Adams Sayings: I think if you talk to anybody who ever went from not having much to I think if you talk to anybody who ever went from not having much to having enough to buy what they wanted, they're always happier. Now I get that whole '$75,000 a year is some kind of magic number,' but my experience is 'more is better, up to a point.' Then there's a point where it doesn't make any difference.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they are not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Successwise, you're better off being good at two complementary skills than being excellent at one. Successwise, you're better off being good at two complementary skills than being excellent at one.
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Scott Adams Sayings: For most people, it's easy to be passionate about things that are working out, and For most people, it's easy to be passionate about things that are working out, and that distorts our impression of the importance of passion. I've been involved in several dozen business ventures over the course of my life, and each one made me excited at the start. You might even call it passion.
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Scott Adams Sayings: The past exists only in yourmind," he said. "Likewise, the future exists only in yourmind The past exists only in your
mind," he said. "Likewise, the future exists only in your
mind because it has not happened.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Realistically, the last advice you want to hear when you are in a terrible mood Realistically, the last advice you want to hear when you are in a terrible mood is"Think of something happy." If you're experiencing genuine misfortune, you probably just need time and distance to recover.
For the truly bad moods, exercise, nutrition, sleep,and time are the smart buttons to push. Once you get back to your baseline level of happiness, you'll be in a better position to get the benefits of daydreaming.
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Scott Adams Sayings: There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with There is no idea so bad that it cannot be made to look brilliant with the proper application of fonts and color.
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Scott Adams Sayings: As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write Few things in life are less efficient than a group of people trying to write a sentence. The advantage of this method is that you end up with something for which you will not be personally blamed.
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Scott Adams Sayings: My experience, as odd as it sounds, is that I can change my food preferences My experience, as odd as it sounds, is that I can change my food preferences by thinking of my body as a programmable robot as opposed to a fleshy bag full of magic.
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Scott Adams Sayings: If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation If you're following the news, you know that the major religions differ in their interpretation of the holy books. For example, one way to interpret God's will is that you should love your neighbor. An alternate reading of the holy books might lead you to rig a donkey cart with small mortar rockets and aim it at a hotel full of infidels. In summary, po-tay-to, poh-tah-to. Religions are very flexible.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Good health and sufficient money are necessary for a base level of happiness, but you Good health and sufficient money are necessary for a base level of happiness, but you need to be right with your family, friends, and romantic partners to truly enjoy life. The
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Scott Adams Sayings: Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but Dilbert: I'm obsessed with inventing a perpetual motion machine. Most scientists think it's impossible, but I have something they don't. Dogbert: A lot of spare time? Dilbert: Exactly.
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Scott Adams Sayings: If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried. If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.
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Scott Adams Sayings: If your current get-rich project fails, take what you learned and try something else. Keep If your current get-rich project fails, take what you learned and try something else. Keep repeating until something lucky happens. The universe has plenty of luck to go around; you just need to keep your hand raised until it's your turn. It helps to see failure as a road and not a wall.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Because everything you perceive is a metaphor forsomething your brain is not equipped to fully Because everything you perceive is a metaphor for
something your brain is not equipped to fully understand.
God is as real as the clothes you are wearing and the chair
you are sitting in. They are all metaphors for something you
will never understand.
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Scott Adams Sayings: You might argue that my example is bad because Einstein is dead. But according to You might argue that my example is bad because Einstein is dead. But according to physicist Erwin Schrodinger, Einstein is neither dead nor alive until we dig him up and open the casket. If he's alive, he might want his brain back, which I understand is in a Ziplock bag in some guy's freezer. And this is a perfect example of why examples always distract from the main point.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells Crackpot is an excellent job because the expectations are so low. No one ever tells crackpots that they should be doing more.
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Scott Adams Sayings: It is better for your career to do nothing, than to do something and attract It is better for your career to do nothing, than to do something and attract criticism.
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Scott Adams Sayings: A God who knew the answer to that question would indeed know everything and have A God who knew the answer to that question would indeed know everything and have everything. For that reason he would be unmotivated to do anything or create anything. There would be no purpose to act in any way whatsoever. But a God who had one nagging question - what happens if I cease to exist? - might be motivated to find the answer in order to complete his knowledge ... The fact that we exist is proof that God is motivated to act in some way. And since only the challenge of self-destruction could interest an omnipotent God, it stands to reason that we ... are God's debris.
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Scott Adams Sayings: Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.
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Scott Adams Sayings: The only risk of failure is promotion. The only risk of failure is promotion.
Scott Adams Sayings: When politicians tell lies, they know the press will call them out. They also know When politicians tell lies, they know the press will call them out. They also know it doesn't matter. Politicians understand that reason will never have much of a role in voting decisions. A lie that makes a voter feel good is more effective than a hundred rational arguments. That's even true when the voter knows the lie is a lie.
Scott Adams Sayings: Women define themselves by their relationships and men define themselves by whom they are helping. Women define themselves by their relationships and men define themselves by whom they are helping. Women believe value is created by sacrifice. If you are willing to give up your favorite activities to be with her, she will trust you. If being with her is too easy for you, she will not trust you.
Scott Adams Sayings: Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane. Reality is always controlled by the people who are the most insane.
Scott Adams Sayings: As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.
Scott Adams Sayings: Beware the advice of successful people; they do not seek company. Beware the advice of successful people; they do not seek company.
Scott Adams Sayings: In fact, most people are being squeezed in their little cubicle, and their creativity is In fact, most people are being squeezed in their little cubicle, and their creativity is forced out elsewhere, because the company can't use it. The company is organized to get rid of variants.
Scott Adams Sayings: There's nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they There's nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.
Scott Adams Sayings: Consider the people who routinely disagree with you. See how confident they look while being Consider the people who routinely disagree with you. See how confident they look while being dead wrong? That's exactly how you look to them.
Scott Adams Sayings: Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness. Intelligence is a measure of how well you function within your level of awareness.
Scott Adams Sayings: I get mail; therefore I am. I get mail; therefore I am.
Scott Adams Sayings: ...grabbing failure by the throat and squeezing it until it coughs up a hairball of ...grabbing failure by the throat and squeezing it until it coughs up a hairball of success.
Scott Adams Sayings: I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. I keep hearing the argument that some things are constitutional while other things are not. The idea is that we should be in favor of all the things that were decided over 200 years ago by a bunch of slave-owning cross-dressers who pooped in holes.
Scott Adams Sayings: Unhappiness that is caused by too much success is a high-class problem. That's the sort Unhappiness that is caused by too much success is a high-class problem. That's the sort of unhappiness people work all of their lives to get. If you find yourself there, and I hope you do, you'll find your attention naturally turning outward. You'll seek happiness through service to others. I promise it will feel wonderful.
Scott Adams Sayings: In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.
Scott Adams Sayings: Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
Scott Adams Sayings: If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.
Scott Adams Sayings: The elderly are spooky when they degenerate intoreflections of their younger selves. They say things The elderly are spooky when they degenerate into
reflections of their younger selves. They say things that
make sense on some grammatical level, but it's not always
connected to reality.
Scott Adams Sayings: You aren't a therapist. Walk away from the soul suckers. You have a right to You aren't a therapist. Walk away from the soul suckers. You have a right to pursue happiness and an equal right to run as fast as you can from the people who would deny it. Success
Scott Adams Sayings: I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.
Scott Adams Sayings: What does it mean to be yourself?" he asked. "If itmeans to do what you What does it mean to be yourself?" he asked. "If it
means to do what you think you ought to do, then you're
doing that already. If it means to act like you're exempt
from society's influence, that's the worst advice in the
world; you would probably stop bathing and wearing clothes.
The advice to 'be yourself' is obviously nonsense. But our
brains accept this tripe as wisdom because it is more comfortable
to believe we have a strategy for life than to believe
we have no idea how to behave.
Scott Adams Sayings: In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work In case the rest of you missed it, the inspirational speech was: 'If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die'.
Scott Adams Sayings: I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.
Scott Adams Sayings: The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they The surest way to identify those who won't succeed at weight loss is that they tend to say things like "My goal is to lose ten pounds." Weight targets often work in the short run. But if you need willpower to keep the weight off, you're doomed in the long run. The only way to succeed in the long run is by using a system that bypasses your need for willpower.
Scott Adams Sayings: I discovered what I call the Bill Gates effect. That is, the more successful you I discovered what I call the Bill Gates effect. That is, the more successful you are, the uglier you get.
Scott Adams Sayings: Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days you are the statue
Scott Adams Sayings: Everything you want out of life is in that huge, bubbling vat of failure. The Everything you want out of life is in that huge, bubbling vat of failure. The trick is to get the good stuff out.
Scott Adams Sayings: My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.
Scott Adams Sayings: I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw.
Scott Adams Sayings: Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, Your inability to see other possibilities and your lack of vocabulary are your brain's limits, not the universe's.
Scott Adams Sayings: You give anybody a billion dollars, and of course they are passionate. Passion is one You give anybody a billion dollars, and of course they are passionate. Passion is one of those things like willpower in that there's 'magical thinking' about it. You've got to be careful about 'magical thinking.'
Scott Adams Sayings: I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake. I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.
Scott Adams Sayings: No one wants to believe that the formula for happiness is as simple as daydreaming, No one wants to believe that the formula for happiness is as simple as daydreaming, controlling your schedule, napping, eating right, and being active every day.
Scott Adams Sayings: Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
Scott Adams Sayings: The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with The maintenance man is moving the thermostat in our office today. I started talking with him about the
Scott Adams Sayings: Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls Methods for predicting the future: 1) read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls ... collectively known as "nutty methods;" 2) put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer ... commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time."
Scott Adams Sayings: Beware of those who try to sell you simple answers to complex questions. Beware of those who try to sell you simple answers to complex questions.
Scott Adams Sayings: By the early-afternoon hours, if your brain is normal, it's running strictly on inertia and By the early-afternoon hours, if your brain is normal, it's running strictly on inertia and reflex. All you can do during those hours are the things that are exactly like other things you've done in similar situations. Creativity is out of the question. You might argue that you don't notice any difference in your thinking during the afternoon. That's because you're too dazed to notice anything during those hours. I'm sure it's true for me; I believe you could set my eyebrows on fire during the afternoon and I wouldn't notice until sometime the next morning.
Scott Adams Sayings: Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice, tells us that people become unhappy if Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice, tells us that people become unhappy if they have too many options in life. The problem with options is that choosing any path can leave you plagued with self-doubt.
Scott Adams Sayings: Goals are for losers. Your mind isn't magic. It's a moist computer you can program. Goals are for losers. Your mind isn't magic. It's a moist computer you can program. The most important metric to track is your personal energy. Every skill you acquire doubles your odds of success. Happiness is health plus freedom. Luck can be managed, sort of. Conquer shyness by being a huge phony (in a good way). Fitness is the lever that moves the world. Simplicity transforms ordinary into amazing.
Scott Adams Sayings: Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrationalthings in the pursuit of phenomenally Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational
things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the
principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
Scott Adams Sayings: People vote based on emotion. Period. People vote based on emotion. Period.
Scott Adams Sayings: Writers tend to work early in the morning, or late at night, when brains are Writers tend to work early in the morning, or late at night, when brains are naturally able to focus deeply on one thought. In the middle of the day, distractions are unavoidable. I wonder if anything worthwhile has ever been written in the afternoon.
Scott Adams Sayings: The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
Scott Adams Sayings: By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them By definition, risk-takers often fail. So do morons. In practice it's difficult to sort them out.
Scott Adams Sayings: Fitness and daily exercise are correlated with success in business and in life.3 Fitness and daily exercise are correlated with success in business and in life.3
Scott Adams Sayings: There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens.
Scott Adams Sayings: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
Scott Adams Sayings: There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft. There's a fine line between marketing and grand theft.
Scott Adams Sayings: When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.
Scott Adams Sayings: To err is human. To cover it up is weasel. To err is human. To cover it up is weasel.
Scott Adams Sayings: But never being wrong is no proof thatthe method of testing is sound for all But never being wrong is no proof that
the method of testing is sound for all cases
Scott Adams Sayings: Another huge advantage of learning as much as you can in different fields is that Another huge advantage of learning as much as you can in different fields is that the more concepts you understand, the easier it is to learn new ones. Imagine explaining to an extraterrestrial visitor the concept of a horse. It would take some time. If the next thing you tried to explain were the concept of a zebra, the conversation would be shorter. You would simply point out that a zebra is a lot like a horse but with black and white strips. Everything you learn becomes a shortcut for understanding something else.
Scott Adams Sayings: Dilbert: It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the Dilbert: It took weeks but I've calculated a new theory about the origin of the universe. According to my calculations it didn't start with a "Big Bang" at all-it was more of "Phhbwt" sound. You may be wondering about the practical applications of the "Little Phhbwt" theory. Dogbert: I was wondering when you'll go away.
Scott Adams Sayings: Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.
Scott Adams Sayings: Rotten bosses don't get better. Any strategy that assumes they can is doomed. Rotten bosses don't get better. Any strategy that assumes they can is doomed.
Scott Adams Sayings: No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot. No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
Scott Adams Sayings: Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
Scott Adams Sayings: Happiness is nothing but good health and freedom, and money is the single best way Happiness is nothing but good health and freedom, and money is the single best way you can buy your freedom.
Scott Adams Sayings: Every year, it takes more brains to navigate this complicated world. More people are falling Every year, it takes more brains to navigate this complicated world. More people are falling below what I call the 'incompetence line' through no fault of their own.
Scott Adams Sayings: Ask a deeply religious Christian if he'd rather live next to a bearded Muslim that Ask a deeply religious Christian if he'd rather live next to a bearded Muslim that may or may not be plotting a terror attack, or an atheist that may or may not show him how to set up a wireless network in his house. On the scale of prejudice, atheists don't seem so bad lately.
Scott Adams Sayings: I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.
Scott Adams Sayings: Never assume you understand the odds of things. I Never assume you understand the odds of things. I
Scott Adams Sayings: If I had to pick one quality that best predicts success (other than wanting to If I had to pick one quality that best predicts success (other than wanting to be successful) it would be the willingness to risk embarrassment.
Scott Adams Sayings: Reality has a pulse, a rhythm, for lack of better words. Reality has a pulse, a rhythm, for lack of better words.